Justin Bieber’s Crackin’ Skulls, Son, Check Yo’self

March 27th, 2013 // 58 Comments
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“Better take me to Chuck E. Cheese or I light yo’ ass up.”

Yesterday, word broke that Justin Bieber was being investigated for “battery” after one of his neighbors confronted him about racing his Ferrari over 100 mph inside their gated communities which sounds like Bieber rolls: Knockin’ skulls and ridin’ boost like a big boy, yo. Except naturally this story already devolved to Bieber just spit in the guy’s face and threatened to kill him which should’ve resulted in hearty laughter, but sometimes justice has to be served in a sippy cup. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement and neighbors tell TMZ … Bieber hocked a loogie in the man’s face during a heated confrontation Tuesday morning. We’re told Justin’s Ferrari had arrived on a flatbed truck at around 8:00 AM and Justin decided to take it for a ride in the gated community. A number of neighbors say Justin was driving insanely fast — the complaining neighbor says 100 mph.
The man — a 47-year-old successful businessman and father of 3 — went onto Justin’s Calabasas property and screamed, “You can’t drive like this!” The man told deputies, Justin responded by saying , “Get the f**k out of here,” and then he spit in the guy’s face and said, “I’m gonna f**king kill you.”
The man filed a battery report and we’re told he wants Bieber prosecuted and will not back down.

And good. Fuck Justin Bieber. Shitheads who think their need to go “Vroom!” is more important than not running over somebody’s kid should be shot out of a cannon. And anyone who drives under the speed limit, too. Basically never ride in a car with me is the point I’m trying to make here. *finishes typing post on iPhone, rear ends your grandmother who’s doing 10 in a 35*

Photos: FameFlynet


  1. Cock Dr

    That chick’s pants are coming down.
    Can’t wait for her first mugshot.

  2. JC

    A close source to the prosecutors say they’ll be seeking harsh penalties, including but not limited to “significant time in the time-out corner.”

  3. He spit in the man’s face? The man should’ve knocked a few of his teeth out. Usher said his BJs are too toothy anyway.

    • Abby Normal

      Well now, THAT’S just plain unacceptable. Bieber is a rich little cocksucker, he should have dental implants that retract when a penis approaches.

  4. Dick Hell

    I never particularly wanted to see a Ferrari wrapped around a utility pole… before now.

  5. My 11 year old daughter could kick this nozzle’s ass.

  6. Inner Retard

    I bet Selena was counting the days her Disney contract was up and could leave this little prick. It might be fun to watch this guy melt down in a few months or years.

  7. Guess that’s the difference in neighbourhoods, around here Bieber would get himself killed just showing up especially dressed like that.

  8. Freebie

    He looks like a toddler having a tantrum.

  9. But seriously, why is that man lifting him out of a minivan? Can someone explain that to me?

    • Inner Retard

      Last time I picked a kid out of a car like this he peed his pants in the booster seat. I believe I even had the same expression on my face.

  10. lilgrandma

    WOW is this what the 15 mins of FAME dose to you!He s young andshould be having some fun:)NOOO he goes and fucks it all up over drugs and thinking that he can get away with shit! fame SUCKS!!!! he really,really needs help.Too many hollywood assholes any more!

  11. Romi

    everything about this post made me laugh hysterically.

    well played, fish.

  12. ThisWillHurt

    He spit in someone’s face? Cool, now that person has a sample of Bieber’s AND Usher’s DNA.

  13. I don’t like Bieber but this guy was trespassing on Bieber’s property, if I were Bieber I would file charges against him for that. We have a police force, he should have called them regarding the speeding. If he is not satisfied then, he should have their association deal with it and then take legal action if nothing happens.

    I would hardly call spitting battery, and the threats from Bieber barely qualify for assault.

    • Angela

      I see 3 wrongs here… none cancel themselves out to make a right: neighbor should have not confronted Justin in such a demanding manner but asked him politely to refrain from such actions and if such actions persisted then called the Law on him, Justin should never had spit in the neighbor’s face, and told said neighbor he’d “f**cking kill him.” Neighbor has a right to be worried about the safety of his own children but had no right approaching Justin the way he did even if such situation is an ongoing occurrence in that neighborhood. Not sticking up for Justin… just going by how what the Police would see/say if or when things are actually pursued even if a “Celeb” wasn’t involved.

      • Where the fuck are you people from? A neighbor has every right to tell that little asshole to slow the fuck down. Does Bieber’s property have a fence with trespassing notices affixed to it? Then fuck him! If the property is open, the implication, until advised otherwise, would be “Welcome!”

        I can hardly wait until someone beats the holy living shit out of this nasty little cocksucker! And I wanna see PHOTOS!

      • Are you insane? First of all his house is gated and I am damn sure there are No Trespassing signs on it. You don’t think a mega star with bodyguards has No Trespassing signs on his property? And no you do not have the right to walk onto people’s property as you please and definitely not in an aggressive manner. In the wrong places in this country he might have been shot.

        Truthfully he will never get his ass beaten, name the celebrities that have gotten their asses kicked, probably can’t even count them on one hand.

      • Shia LeBouf. I did that on one hand.

      • Burt

        If that were the case, mail carriers couldn’t deliver mail. No, the neighbour had a legitimate reason to give him a visit. No cops would charge him with trespassing.

  14. Mitch

    If there were any real legal ramifications for “stars” in LA this would be a story. He’s have to kill 50 people in front of 1000 witnesses to even come close to being held responsible.

    He would be popular in prison though. I’m sure there are some guys who have already made skirts for in in the event he does end up there.

  15. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Nonnie Moose
    Commented on this photo:

    WAAAH!!! I want my binky!

  16. ben dover

    Jesus let the little boy finish a sentence,
    what he meant to say was I will fuck you up — the butt

  17. ben dover

    I laughed so hard, the first picture looks just like what my sister looks like taking her baby out of her car seat. That’s too funny

  18. What we need is for hollywood bodyguards to unionize, and go on an extended strike. Then we can all have some big laughs when Chris Brown and Justin Bieber find out what happens in the real world when they act like a tough guy assholes, and don’t have paid goons to keep them from being schooled.

    • El Jefe

      Well the neighbor is just as much of a pussy. Remember the days when men were men and your friends would have laughed at you or kicked your ass if you called the cops for someone spitting on you? Now we have these pansy ass pussy men out there that call the cops and sue people for breathing on them.

      If he was a man and Bieber spit on him, then he should have at least tried to fight back and kick his ass, even if it meant him getting his ass kicked by the bodyguards.

      • Say thanks to feminism and their war on masculinity for that. The man did the right thing he stood to lose a lot more if he attacked Bieber. He would get his ass beat by the bodyguards, get arrested by the cops then get sued by Bieber.

        I wish it was like the old days too, because Justin would’ve gotten his ass beat.

      • Nonnie Moose

        So, yeah. First you get yourself put in the hospital by trying to go Rambo on the bodyguards, and then you get anal raped by Bieber’s troop of high-dollar lawyers.

        There’s “being a man”, and being really, really, really stupid. Take a guess where you fall on the scale.

      • Not a pussy like you are?

      • Are you trying to make macho-points or get retribution? I think the guy handled it perfectly (from what we know). Besides, he’s sneaking up on 50 years old and may have health issues…HEY…Neighbor Guy, bury that nasty little cocksucker!

      • Fuck that noise man. I would just let this twat do what he needs to and sue him for all the money I could.

      • Jocko Johnson

        When keeping it real goes wrong

      • vandinz

        No you mong, by fighting back (not that he’d have got near thanks to the twats guards) he then looses credibility when it goes to court. the best thing he can do is drag this fucker through the system so we can all watch him start to cry. THEN you punch his fuckin’ lights out. See? Think ahead son.

  19. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    1994 bitches! aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

  20. jus sayin

    Roid rage? He does seem to have developed a few (little) muscles on his puny body. Fame screws people up, I guess you’ve got to be careful what you wish for. His mama needs to take that little twerp in hand, except then he would probably cut off any money he gives her. So no ones says anything and he turns into the male equivalent of Lindsay Lohan.

  21. I cannot wait until this little fucker finally just gets laid out cold and then some crack addict comes out of a bush and bricks in his mouth… call me a dreamer.

  22. vandinz

    Haha! YES! The little cunt is going under. Grab your popcorn people, this is going to be fuckin’ great.

    • Chris Brown, a black man beat the living shit out of one of the biggest female celebrities in the world and never spent a day in jail or had handcuffs placed on him, and you think Bieber is going down for spitting on someone on his own property? Lohan has broken the law so many times I can’t count on my fingers and toes and has never gone to prison and is still out running around.

      Do you live in reality?

      • Jennyjenjen

        I think he means Justin is having a meltdown. As in we are watching the beginning of the train wreck. Same as Lindsay, Brit Brit and many others.

  23. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    I oughta busk you right in the mush.

  24. What a little bitch. Reminds me of Bud.

  25. live for captions like this Fish – cracking my shit up again mofo!

  26. kery

    Bieber is so funny and a douche, hope his 15 minutes of fame be over :)

  27. Brooke

    Shit, Fish, you damn near got poetic in this post. A+ for you, sir.

    The comments this time around have been funny as hell, too. I do love Bieber posts.

  28. Ha! Put the crying toddler back in his car seat and give him a juice box like a good babysitter, that’s right… You can change his diaper when you get him home.

  29. Lolzebol

    Why does he keep wearing those 1994 clothes like it’s something to be proud of?

  30. anonym

    this fucknut has too much money and too little sense.

    We should team up and rob his shit and steal his money.

    He doesn’t deserve it.

    If he ever hits someone with his car, I hope the jury awards his whole net worth

  31. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody ppplease drop him off on the wrong side of any major city looking and acting just like this. Would love to watch he and Chris Brown claw it out to the death.

  32. gigi

    uh oh, did he piss off his illuminati buddies or something? what’s with the weird spiral? creepy

  33. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    pull your pants up while you’re at it you moron

  34. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    Aw….somebody’s cwanky! Did the pap steal his “binky”?

  35. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    j-ho,rihanna.beyonce all kartrashians bieber jay z will smith chris bitchbrown flavor-aid,shoot them all!

  36. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi London
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m always reminded of my grandma’s Pomeranian when I see Justin being “restrained” by his bodyguards (who are there to keep his ass from getting kicked, not to stop him from stomping people).

    The Pomeranian used to peer out between my grandma’s ankles and yap and growl at people and other dogs. If the dogs growled or snapped back at the Pom, the little furball would whine and beg for grandma to pick him up.

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