While all y’all’s losin’ your minds over Selena Gomez going to rehab for an acute case of the B-Bare withdrawal, our holiest Lord and Play-vior sent forth his followers to find him the crispest, most crackalackin’ pool in all of New York to baptize himself in the name of da father, da son and the holy syrup. Spout it off, Six Page:
Multiple sources confirmed to us that Bieber was looking for a Manhattan property with a private pool to conduct a baptism-like ceremony with the Hillsong Church NYC.
One source said, “Justin and his team spent time on Saturday searching for a place with a pool where they could conduct a baptism for him, a cleansing ritual, with the Hillsong Church. But they couldn’t find a place in time.”
Another source added, “Justin is serious about his Christian faith, and after recent events, he needed to take a pause.”
Ya see, mothafuckas, while my boy B-Bare might be the smoothest, most panty-wettenest young blood to slide out his mama’s hoochie, he’s a MAN OF GAHD-A. For thine is the kingdom, and the glory, and the POWAH of those who fall prostate cancer to the almighty teachin’s of Christ. And so shall B-Bare take part in this most spiritual of spirits and cleanse his mothafuckin’ self anew. For the next pussy he blasts will bare bitchness to the Good News and spread it to all dem other ho’s who are also free to kneel upon the B-Bare’s altar, a.k.a. his dick-a-lick. #OneLove