Justin Bieber Banned From China For Being A Douche

“Yo bro check it, I’m Chinese – hello what your oder prease! Fry rye fry rye chick fry rye!
“Easy, Justin that’s really racist…”
“I DON’T PAY YOU TO CALL ME RACIST, I PAY YOU TO LAUGH AT MY JOKES AND LET ME WIN AT BASKETBALL!”

Beijing’s culture bureau have put a block on Justin Bieber’s passport. TMZ reports that they cite a number of reasons, most of them stemming from the fact that he’s a little shit that potentially could break some expensive shit. China knows better than to just put plastic on the furniture in hopes he won’t pee on something sacred, a mistake that India made when Bieber rolled through on his last tour. You may remember back in 2013 during Bieber’s last trip to China he had his entourage carry him across the Great Wall on his maple syrup pilgrimage to “the orient” (his word not mine).

The Chinese government sounds like they thought long and hard about making this decision, weighing the true artistry of his music against his Bie-lemished track record of peeing in buckets, yelling at people over ice cream, and being a walking/breathing penis with arms and legs.

“Justin Bieber is a gifted singer, but he is also a controversial young foreign idol. As far as we are concerned, he has engaged in a series of bad behaviors, both in his social life and during a previous performance in China.”

What do you have to do to get banned from the states? Grab someone by the pussy as your entourage pushes you in a stroller through Arlington cemetery? Never mind, I’m not trying to give him any ideas…