Just Kidding Heidi Klum Actually Won All The VMA’s

Since the only chatter going on this Monday morning is revolving around how disappointing last night’s MTV Video Music Awards were, let’s just point out who the real winner was last night… Heidi Klum’s breast game. As generationally pandering and socially out of touch awards host Katy Perry would put it, “those boobs are on fleek, fam.” **dabbs**

When the gods molded Heidi Klum from their sexy sweatshop atop Mount Olympus, they added some sort of fusion core to make sure the aging process of common-folk would never apply to her.

I can’t think of any reason why she was at the VMA’s last night other than to troll for young D with her newly single friend Mel B, but judging by how she was looking I’m sure it worked out fine for her. Maybe she’s lubing up the music industry for her big followup to 2006’s smash Christmas hit ‘Wonderland’… Oh, you don’t remember ‘Wonderland’? It’s Heidi Klum’s little holiday ditty set to the tune of a North Korean propaganda melody.

Whoever said models can’t do stuff!?