Julie Bowen in a bikini

March 9th, 2010 // 169 Comments

Here’s Modern Family star Julie Bowen in Hawaii on Sunday, and this is a woman who should probably remained fully clothed. No, really, up until I saw these, I was under the impression Julie Bowen was smoking hot. Turns out her torso looks like the underbelly of a dragon if dragons came complete with a Kelly Ripa Penis Button ™.

Photos: Splash News

  1. amanda


  2. farles chew

    You posted a link on twitter for this?! Slow day in Montgomery County there babe?

  3. Grafikman

    Hey, she’s got a Kelly Ripa pen–!…..Oh, fuck it.

  4. Rough 101

    No, it’s not appealing to my schlong but I admire her non-laziness….

  5. Sport

    Terrifying! I, too, always thought she was hot with her clothes on. I will stick with that fantasy.

  6. Slappy White

    Not cool.

  7. Not mother


  8. jgator

    She just had twins middle of last year – looks like her skin is stretched out and her belly button popped over time, plus the angles are pretty unflattering. That being said, there’s a reason why I don’t wear bikinis anymore after having two kids.

  9. Gavin S.

    She did and underwear shot on Modern Family and I was convinced she was smoking hot, but it did not show the weird torso parts. I’d still hit it., though.

  10. Captain_Insano

    Having babies ruins EVERYTHING! Fucking breeders.

  11. neptune

    Gollum much? She looks like she came out of a cave. And what’s with her stomach in that first picture? Is she malnourished? I don’t understand. :(

  12. gerritv

    Giver her a break – she’s almost 40 and the mother of three kids, including twins, that she bore herself; not via a surrogate or adoption. Besides, she looks like she’s really having fun!

  13. Wtf?

    You never know what you’ll find when you peel off the clothes.

    But that’s not a real woman, is it? It’s Steven Tyler with man-boobs.

  14. dude

    This reminds me of that time i found that badly decomposed tijuana hooker. Except then I was hornier.

  15. neptune

    @ 9&13 – The fact that she had kids recently makes the stomach make sense – didn’t realize that. But I still think her body looks a lot older than “almost 40.” Her face looks a lot more youthful than her body. Maybe she just doesn’t age well?

  16. Deacon Jones

    I always had a thing for this girl…until today.

    She’s in-shape, yet her body looks…old. Can’t figure it out

  17. Note to women over 25

    There is nothing in this world (other than terrible gas when I am masturbating) than a hag in her late 20s and above showing off her rancid tissues at the beach.
    Please older women, keep off the beaches. They for young women and men of all ages.

  18. Duck Butter

    I think her stomach is like that from giving birth, it can stretch and mess up your ab muscles, since i think she had twins, or so says her wiki’.

    I’d still rail her pastey ass out!

  19. sborrainboc

    I’d still hit it. Twice.

  20. Careful ladies and gents, any rude or snide remarks about an overly skinny female on here and you’re pin-pointed as a fat, ugly, jealous female or a faggot “who wouldn’t know a real woman if he saw one because he lives in mommy’s basement whacking off to fat chick porn and shoving Chili’s chips and queso in his face.” Okay, I’ll say it anyway. This chick’s body is worse than Alessandro Ambrossio, BUT NOT BY THAT MUCH.

  21. I just googled her. I’m extremely confused. While clothed, her body doesnt even HINT at being that ridiculous. She looks quite attractive. Yeah, let’s just keep the clothes ON, Julie.

  22. HackSaw

    I’d hit it.

  23. farles chew

    #21, so, which are you then?

  24. Parker

    wow, I used to want to have anal sex with her all the time when she was on that tv show “Ed”. Sure, from the back, bent over, you probably wouldn’t notice anything unusual but after you finish buttfucking her, if she didn’t get dressed before she went to make you a sandwich you’d probably lose your appetite.

  25. That’s gross. The only thing missing is her 70′s bush poking out of her bikini bottoms….

  26. JP

    People tend to look like that without photoshop &/or airbrushing.

    it is called real life. when you have sex with actual people sometime, you will understand.

  27. #24, I’m both. I’m a fat, ugly, jealous transgender. =) My, my, my how I love Chili’s chips and queso!!

  28. PunkA

    First off, she is pushing 40. second, she has had 3 kids now. Third, she is still HAWT as hell and I’d bang her so hard my massive cock would fall off.

    Seriously, this chick is hawt. HAWT.

  29. happy gilmore

    too bad about the freakish abs, she was smoking hot in ‘Happy Gilmore’ – his ‘happy place’ was the fantasy of her in lingerie bringing him pitchers of beer. movie was worth watching just for that scene.

  30. @18

    On which pedophile paradise do you live that everything over 25 is old?
    Bikini season is upon us so I guess women like Gisele, Adriana Lima, Olivia Wilde and Jessica Biel should just crawl their old asses to the nearest convenience store and find a nice trash bag to cover up with, huh?

    Anyway, I never knew Julie looked like this unclothed. Kudos to her for not just having kids and letting herself get fat, though. At least she’s in shape. She’d look a whole lot better in a one piece and a spray tan.

  31. sandra

    yikes, i guess that’s what my abs would look like after about a million crunches. having two kids myself, i know the whole midsection goes to the shits after birthing children.

  32. Omar

    I was always under the impression she was hot. Oh well, she’s got a pretty face … and at least she’s not fat.

  33. Valerie

    Remind me not to have twins at age 38.

  34. Nope

    The issue isn’t her having kids, re: her stomach. To me she looks malnourished: boney arms, scapula, ribs, all prominent. It looks like all she does is ab work. To look boney and have saggy arms at the same time is just…well, it doesn’t look good and isn’t necessary. No, the alternative isn’t for her to tip the scales at 260. There *is* a happy medium. About 10, no more than 15 pounds, and she would “smooth out” and look great.

  35. Deacon Jones

    You fucking crack me up Parker

  36. tkdchick008

    none of my friends that have kids look like that. yeah your body does go through changes but some women tend to take advantage of that excuse while they still eat bad and dont exercise. she looks undernourished to me.

  37. jimmy

    i still remember her in happy gilmore wearing that teddy holding 2 pitchers of beer !!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Ann

    She had 3 kids and she’s turning 40 this year but maybe next time she might want to go with a one piece or do some crunches for a while first. She’s still a beautiful woman regardless.

  39. Zed

    Wow…what a…let down. Wasn’t she the ‘milf’ in Weeds this past season? Then again, she was clothed in that too. TOtally gross.

  40. Dread not

    I was gonna say, when the lights are off it all looks the same. But this bitch is so pale she probably glows…………… I’d still hit it.

  41. Lisa

    she obviously needs a trainer. Why dont people realize they can over work there abs? There is not one other toned muscle on her body.

  42. Not everyone can be beautiful.

  43. Valerie

    on second thought, she DOES look malnourished. Her face was rounder in Happy Gilmore.

  44. lili

    Clearly she has an eating disorder. I work on pre and post natal women and judging by the muscularity of the rest of her body and lack of fat, it seems to me that she is working out too much and seriously malnourished. I hope that she gets help so she does not pass this sickness on to her children.

  45. barge flower

    She looks like she’s had lipo but still has a lot of inner belly fat around the organs.

  46. DJS

    I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

  47. Carl

    Here body is as ugly as Madonna’s face.
    Come to think of it, as ugly as Madonna’s body too.

  48. gen


    Ok, it’s just about time for you to shut the fuck up. You’re not clever or funny. You’re sad and pathetic. Just keep your delusional “I’m more beautiful than everyone” shit to your own crappy website. It’s downright depressing. I don’t come to candy-colored gossip sites to run into depressing shit like your comments.

  49. grey hat


    this is what happens your self-image is diseased

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