While some are reporting that Jude Law and Sienna Miller have officially split over the past week, conflicting reports say that the couple have in fact been covertly broken up for quite some time. Fueling these reports are Miller’s claims that she actually broke up with Law three months ago, soon after his affair.
“I dumped Jude three months ago. I just could not forgive him for what he did to me. We managed to remain friends but he really hurt me,” reports The Sun. “I moved in with Jude and rented my own flat out … So we have still been living in the same house. It has been really difficult but we’ve managed to get through.”
So what she’s saying is that she milked the break-up for as long as possible and played us all for chumps. That’s the kind of illogical famewhoring stunt I’d expect from Gwyneth Paltrow, or Kirsten Dunst, or an awful Jenna Elfman sitcom, and relating that bunch of saggy self-centered trolls to Sienna Miller is really confusing my penis. With all the blood rushing into and draining out of it, it’s actually making me kind of woozy. Kind of really woozy…
If I die, with my last breath, my penis and I curse Dr. Sunken Tits.