Josh Hartnett doesn’t have a really awesome sex life

September 9th, 2008 // 17 Comments

Josh Hartnett is suing the Daily Mirror for printing a story that alleges he had sex in a hotel library and was caught on CCTV. Here’s the supposed eye-witness report:

“Unfortunately the hotel has security cameras all over the place – the library included. This means their every spit and cough was recorded, and cringing hotel workers saw all of Josh’s X-rated moves. Josh didn’t seem bothered that the library wasn’t locked and anyone could just burst in. He just kind of went for it.
“After the event, someone had a quiet word in Josh’s ear and he was asked to take his personal business elsewhere in future. Josh took it on the chin and didn’t kick up a fuss. He’s been as good as gold since.”

Josh’s lawyers filed the lawsuit today and he’s seeking damages along with a public apology, according to the BBC:

The allegations are “not only untrue but a complete fabrication”, said his legal representatives, adding they were “defamatory and unsubstantiated”.

Jesus, Josh Hartnett, you don’t deny a story like this. You confirm it then fill in the parts that were left out: Like the fact that the woman in question was really five women and afterwards you found the Holy Grail using only your motorcycle and a broadsword.* Or you can do it your way and look like a wienie. Whatever.

*Fact: All my dates end with an epic quest, ladies. (Epic quest may or may not involve trying to locate the clitoris which is near your belly-button, right? No, wait, don’t tell me. I know this one…)

Photos: Splash News

  1. so wait, who’s the chick?

  2. I agree with Fish, why would he deny this? Either the tape exists or it doesn’t. My guess is he blew his load a little bit early and is afraid the tape will show the world he’s not great in the sack.

  3. Crystal

    Oh the questing we could do! lol

  4. Yay, Fish listened to me last post!!!! I’m his favorite, you know..

  5. rob


  6. havoc

    Of course it didn’t happen. He had his purity ring on.

    In truth, he was with Russell Brand and gave him a rusty trombone….


  7. m.munroe

    oh, hes still famous??

  8. rough daddy

    Again with this “Daily Mirror” fabricating what ever they can,,,
    superfish that guy is a swordsman,,,and can do anything but grow a decent facial hair!!!

  9. Sid

    Josh must be a Democrat – he was caught having sex with a WOMAN.

  10. Vote for me. I’m a radical Marxist.

  11. Vote for me. Just look for the box next to the name John… John … John … something. It begins with an “M” … or maybe a “C” … or something. Fuck. What’s my name?!! NURSE! WHAT’S MY NAME?

  12. John McCain. Your name is JOHN MCCAIN.

    For the millionth fucking time.

    Where’s my fucking Vicodin? I just grabbed the whole bottle from that guy with pancreatic cancer…where’d I put it?

  13. Thank you, nurse.

  14. Michael

    I heard he’s a REAL DICK and and ASSHOLE; Also
    and a cheap tipper in real life. i have 2 friends who have waited on him at different times- diffrent places too.

  15. Trover

    Should we know this guy? Don;t post him ever again without screencaps from his encounter. Otherwise, boring.

  16. blah

    Thank you fish for posting 2 hot guys in one day! As a heterosexual woman, I was really getting sick of all the bikini posts (that being said, please don’t post any guys in banana hammocks, ugh). I have been checking out this website for years & I remember there being more of a “variety” of celebs back then, rather than just the endless bikini/hot chick posts now. Anyways, Josh & Ashton may be douchebags as far as personality goes, I don’t know. But either way, I find them so damn f*ckable! …….yum! More please!

  17. You know why?

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