Josh Hartnett and Scarlett Johansson do it for a long time

i can see how you’d think scarlet is hot, you know in that pale fat girl way, wtg!

There’s also the Hilton (so named after our little Paris) which involves banging as many people in your Daddy’s hotel in 7 hours. I am pretty sure the top score to beat is 69,669.

Trotter – The obscenity level of the strawberry milkshake is debateable…(forgive me, I’m at work, and well, you never know, so see if you can decode this)…it’s when a guy um…”releases” in the girls mouth and then punches her in the chin.

I am starting to read thesuperficial comments specifically for PapaHotNuts. God Bless the Internets!

Cojo- I got to know what the Strawberry Milkshake is.

Saucie- I was in L.A. last week. The number is actually 69,670. Anybody got a cure for herpes?

First of all tantric sex is overrated BS. I don’t need my vagina busted for five hours straight and if I did, I wouldn’t brag about it!

I agree with #28. sweetcheeks = coo-coo bananas.

Sweetcheeks posts nothing but sad, juvenile comments about the female celebrities here. I realize this is TS but honey if you’re going to “diss”, at least make an effort to say something even remotely CLEVER. A five year old can go around calling everyone fat and ugly, it doesn’t take any intelligence. What’s the point?

The only other posts she makes are congratulating other people on their genuinely funny contributions. Truly she is an valuable asset to this website.

It’s all more than a little odd, and #28 put it perfectly.

Now about that velveteen bikini, sweetcheeks… http://www.imageshack.us

I say you put up or shut up because it’s already old and I’ve been on this site for just two days.

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28 said:
Sweetcheeks you are HILARIOUS!!

Just not in the funny way…more in the “I have self-esteem issues and am therefore bitter at any woman that has nice looks and/or is hot” way.

First you have 5 posts in the Hilary Swank story where you keep insisting that her boobs are fake and now 4 posts here where apparently you need to insist that Scarlett Johansson is fat and disgusting. Nice.

This blog is like your public shrink’s couch and you’re starting to reveal too much. You’re scaring the children.

Oh, one more thing…

Scarlett Johannson is smoking hot and Hilary Swank’s breasts are spectacular. So sayeth everyone but you.

———-

i wouldn’t mind being as “fat” as scarlett johansson if it gets me josh harnett

my understanding of a Strawberry Milkshake is fucking a chick with her period on “red alert” while unsheathed and cumming inside.

Sorry, I didn’t say it first.

This is rather odd…

I sent this tip about Ms. Lohan embracing the same religion as Ms. Spears, Madonna, etc., and the Superficial posted an article from the Sun, on that page, the same link, about Scarlett…

very funny…

#42 -
Bumping Uglies
Oiling the Catcher’s Mitt

And my personal favorite:
The Angry Pirate
(Where the guy releases, yes we’ll stick with that term, in the girls eye then kicks her in the shin. Then, she hops around like an angry pirate!)

I find it interesting that anyone deemed “Cancer Nipples” can use the word “juvenile” in any sense but self-deprication.

That was a lot of time and effort spent there, Cancer Nips. Time and effort you could have spent at the gym. Working out.

Because you’re fat.

Oh, and thanks for showing me how to post pics! Get ready for an arsenal of sexiness.

http://www.img344.imageshack.us/img344/3021/fatgirl21tt.jpg

Well, apparently imageshack’s server is down. You’ll just have to imagine it. It’s GLORIOUS.

Forgive my battology, Cancer Nips. I am not at all suprised that a grampus like you loves Scarlett Johansson so much.

Come on sweet cheeks, I’m on your side, but I gotta see the shots of ya! Put ‘em up right! Also, #60 very funny, HILARIOUS in fact.. Angry Pirate :o)

If “going gay for scarlett” involves me finishing in her face then sign me up.

To #31 above. Nicely done. Points out that oldie that people imagine their performance differently from how their partners likely perceived them. That said, I wonder how Scarlett is perceiving the sex I think I’m having with her right now?

#63 — What did I do wrong with the pic? Argh.. I was so sure I did it correctly. Bastards.

Remember, though, I am almost thirty, so I can remember a time where the “internet” was still the “information superhighway,” and you could go from the beginnning to the end in about an hour.

So please explain PRECISELY how to post a pic, as though you were explaining it to a mongoloid sixteenth-century bootblack. I want to put my photo on the net!

You know, so that later, my son will learn the oh-so-important lesson of SHAME.

Here’s some more from the Vault (not affiliated with VAULT SODA BEVERAGE)
1. Peruvian Breakfast
2. The Carbonated Spin Cycle
3. Chocolate Weasel Biter
4. The Flying Carpet Muncher
5. Hannukah Surprise
6. Dirty Bird Two-Step
7. The Violent Pretzel with Cheese
8. Draped Up and Dripped Out (Know what I’m talkin’ ’bout?)
9. Lemons Don’t Belong There
10. Find the Clitoris
11. Asshole Algebra
12. Paper Cut Royale
13. Icicle Brain Stab
14. A Wet Dry Dutch Baby
and, of course, 15. Seven Up Yours
P.S. There’s no such thing as Tantric Sex. That term was just made up by the government in the ’70′s to piss off hippies who couldn’t get it up.

P.S.S. I’m a big slut.

I think I had the “Peruvian Breakfast” about an hour ago.

It involved juevos rancheros, some benwah balls, Astroglide and the ironing board, followed by a reading from the third chapter of Ezekiel.

You know Peruvians can’t do anything without quoting scripture.

Oshkosh, I’ve decided you are as funny as PapaHotNuts and that I love you.

Just what I need – more stalkers…

Ok nevermind, because I’m not really sure how to stalk someone on the internet. I’m only used to stalking people that report the local evening news and that serve me my coffee at the local Waffle House.

I think I’m gonna go stalk Josh Hartnett. Yeah – I’m gonna show up at his doorstep in a blonde wig with two big hams taped to my chest and tell him that my attempts to reach him by phone were “lost in translation”. Then he is going to make love to me… for SEVEN HOURS.

#56, Cancer Nipples, this is the best sentance so far…
“First of all tantric sex is overrated BS. I don’t need my vagina busted for five hours straight and if I did, I wouldn’t brag about it!”

LOL!!! I picture in my mind Scarletts callused leathery vagina needing 5 hours before feeling any senstaion. LOL!!! Shit, that one will keep me laughing today.

Scarlett Johansson used to be a man. You cant make this stuff up!!!

Okay, I’m trying again with the photo. Hopefully this one works…
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j122/lolabranst/fatgirl2.jpg

Thanks for the help, M —

Check out the ample cleavage, Cancer Nips.

Sweetcheeks, if that pic is really you, you are one brave fat chick. Brave, but nawt hawt.

your completely right. scarlett’s fucking HUGE!!!!!!! and dont even get me started on that cow jessica alba!!!! wtf? damn these fat bitches. pretty soon the world is going to explode and the fat whores like kate moss will take over the world’s food population. tsk. at least tom cruise will save us all with his spaceship

Don’t forget the “Captain Morgan” – the bloody cousin of the Dirty Sanchez.

Then there’s:

The Pearl Harbor

The Peanut Butter & Jelly

The “Hey, he looks like you!”

The Walrus

and, while not strictly sexual, The Dutch Oven.

Josh Hartnett isn’t the first guy to get into Johansson’s pants and he probably won’t be the last.

What Scarlet really needs is Cleveland Steamer.

I do not bone Scarlett Jo, and I never will. This fact fills me with an ineffable sadness.

But, if I am not going to check the oil of this glorious, dead-sexy chick, the next best thing is thinking of her screaming and red-faced in orgiastic ecstacy for hours on end, her hair standing straight up on her head, sweat pouring down her face, her heart about to explode from pleasure.

In summation … yeah, it’s an image that’s exceptionally easy to masturbate to. See ya’ll in ten minutes ….