Josh Hartnett has hinted that he and Scarlett Johansson have been practicing the mystical sex meditation technique of tantric sex.
“A really dirty friend of mine gave me a book on tantric sex for my birthday. I studied it to see what all the fuss was about. It’s not easy but it’s all good.”
Look, if Josh Hartnett wants me to kick him in the groin all he has to do is come out and ask. He doesn’t have to make up silly stories about having sex with Scarlett Johansson for hours and hours, filling me with a hateful rage that makes me drive my fist through every wall I see. Your nuts are mine, Hartnett. Your nuts are mine!
doesntmatter | April 6, 2006 at 1:47 pm
didn’t want to know that.
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 1:47 pm
If by “tantric,” he means, “suprisingly sloppy,” who HASN’T done that?
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 1:49 pm
You know, it’s nice to see that fat girls are getting laid, too. It gives all us strikingly attractive girls a break.
Madonna | April 6, 2006 at 1:52 pm
Thank God! Tantric sex needed a new spokesperson, because Sting is such a dirty old stinky perv. Scarlett, you fat lucky bitch!
Kenton | April 6, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Does Josh swing both ways?
gogoboots | April 6, 2006 at 1:56 pm
I already read this somewhere, yawn, old news! Scarlett is not fat by any stretch of the imagination…
CoJo | April 6, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Why is this news? Scarlet Johansen likes sex. She happens to be hot which makes men and women want to have it with her…wow.
Funny, this is the second of the three “girls-ide-go-gay-for” on the site today…what are you trying to tell me Superficial?
imabeeatch | April 6, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Who the fuck are these people and who really gives a flying fuck!?!
Tania | April 6, 2006 at 2:11 pm
If I was bangin’ her it would take me a long time to “finish” too because SHE’S SO DAMN UGLY!!!! But go ahead Josh, claim it’s the tantric sex…sure, we believe you. No really, we do.
U! G! L! Y! She ain’t got no alibi….
krisdylee | April 6, 2006 at 2:13 pm
don’t knock the tantric until ya try it… it’s good stuff. and i’m pretty sure i’d go gay for scarlett too.
PregnantEwok | April 6, 2006 at 2:14 pm
He must be more awake in the sack than he is on camera…either that or she goes for the monosyllabic type.
Scarlett: “Oh Josh, I just love the way you touch me.”
Hartnett: “Og”
Scarlett: “Yes, take me man meat!”
Hartnett: “Ul?”
Scarlett: “Yes, there!”
Hartnett: “Ul?”
Feed_Me_Chocolate | April 6, 2006 at 2:14 pm
What I think about when I hear about tantric sex is…don’t you people get SORE if you’re doing it for hours upon hours?
Binky | April 6, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Don’t quote me, but somewhere I think I read that if your right hand learns a “mystical sex meditation technique” – your palms start growing hair and it will eventually lead to blindness.
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 2:21 pm
#13 — outstanding.
Nikk The Templar | April 6, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Josh Harnett is a liar and a crack addict. He is not having sex with Scarlett Johansson. He isn’t OLD enough.
C’mon on Hartnett, get to the back of the line with the rest of us.
Ashlee | April 6, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Well # 3 and #4 I can understand your intent to be funny but I haven’t noticed Scarlett being fatjust wondering where that is coming from.
Your comments are not funny!
And sweetcheeks – maybe you should post your skinniest picture and we’ll all write that you are fat, which from the sounds of it you probably are.
And… my post is funny!
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Sorry, SORRY, Ashlee! I forget how sensitive fat girls are!
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 2:33 pm
You know you’re post is REALLY funny when you close it by saying, “my post is funny!”
You probably could have closed it with “I have a huge ass,” or “I’m angry and alone.”
How does one post a picture?
UCSD | April 6, 2006 at 2:33 pm
#17, nice burn. Anyone who has to finish their post by stating that it is funny should be ripped a new a-hole
professor booty | April 6, 2006 at 2:34 pm
#16 No, it is not.
Spindoc | April 6, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Sting used to blather on about that same B.S. claiming that he and his wife would have sex for 7 hours. Then years later he admitted that the first 6 1/2 hours were for dinner, a movie and the begging.
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Because I have this great picture of me in a velveteen bikini. A real must-see.
Italian Stallion | April 6, 2006 at 2:36 pm
He’s just with her for the Lipstick!!!
Remember?
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Spindoc — doesn’t MOST sex require 6 1/2 hours of begging? I mean, once you’re married.
Unless you’re Paris Hilton, then your estimated beg time is 15-20 seconds.
ZoomBoy | April 6, 2006 at 2:39 pm
FUCK HARTNETT!
Phoenix | April 6, 2006 at 2:41 pm
You know guys, stating they have ‘tantric’ sex is simply another way of saying they do anal.
p.s. anyway, isn’t tantric the same as karma sutra? I’m confused.
suzy | April 6, 2006 at 2:42 pm
why would he say that??? he knows it would get published…
now he’s a horney sex machine lol
Sidius | April 6, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Sweetcheeks you are HILARIOUS!!
Just not in the funny way…more in the “I have self-esteem issues and am therefore bitter at any woman that has nice looks and/or is hot” way.
First you have 5 posts in the Hilary Swank story where you keep insisting that her boobs are fake and now 4 posts here where apparently you need to insist that Scarlett Johansson is fat and disgusting. Nice.
This blog is like your public shrink’s couch and you’re starting to reveal too much. You’re scaring the children.
Oh, one more thing…
Scarlett Johannson is smoking hot and Hilary Swank’s breasts are spectacular. So sayeth everyone but you.
kpatton | April 6, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Us oldsters traded sexual energy the old fashioned way, we banged the hell out of each other. We still do. Every time I hear the “Indian” take on things I can’t get past the “fresh glass of piss in the morning to partake of my own essence”, or the coitus interuptus whereby the man compresses his vas defrens between his legs at the moment of truth to prevent ejaculation forcing his semen into his bladder so he doesn’t “waste” his essence and thereby reabsorbing it. Sounds neat huh? My question is, if most Indians practiced it, and it takes hours and hours, why the hell do they seem to be reproducing like fucking bunnies? I mean 1 billion and counting. I think they just boink the hell out of each other like everyone else, and Tantric Sex was thought up, like so many other bogus stuff by a bunch of bored priests as a practical joke to be played on the rest of us. I mean really, have you TRIED any of the positions in the Kamra Sutra? Jeez…just push her legs behind her ears and nail her spine to the mattress, works every time. Although I don’t think Scarlett would bend like that, but my size 1 120 lb 50 yer old sweetie does…Sex is wasted on the young… cause they don’t know what they are doing.
PregnantEwok | April 6, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Is it me or does Scarlett J. look like a Mae West byblow? Can’t you just see her in 30 years syaing, “C’mon over here, big boy!”
Ok, I just skeeved my self out. Ew.
NOW THAT’S FUNNY!!! ;-)
xogirly84 | April 6, 2006 at 3:02 pm
i thought tantric sex was having sex without actually touching your partner. like, bringing each other to a climax through loving and intimate gazes or some shit like that.
in that case, i bet hartnett THOUGHT he was having tantric sex with scarlett johansson those nights when he would stare at her through he bedroom windows while she was changing….
HughJorganthethird | April 6, 2006 at 3:05 pm
I don’t care how hot Scarlet is, after 15 minutes I’m losing interest and just want a nap.
that-dog-is-shifty-eyed | April 6, 2006 at 3:07 pm
#29 I know that’s you dad.
I hate it when you talk about sex with mom. Gross.
Ashlee | April 6, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Well Sweetcheeks,
I sure angered you didn’t I! You responded so quickly and frequently to my comment. I must have hit on a sensitive self-esteem issue (as #28 Sidius points out). And I take it back, you are funny because you sure have me laughing at you over here.
Have a good day
Italian Stallion | April 6, 2006 at 3:20 pm
In the famous words of my Idol!!!
“Can we all just get along”
Italian Stallion | April 6, 2006 at 3:20 pm
*Can’t* my bad
Lala | April 6, 2006 at 3:21 pm
#33 Just when I started twitching and having flashbacks to high school from this thread, you made me laugh my head off at work in front of everyone else. So now I REALLY have problems.
Jacq | April 6, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Me love you long time!
tits_on_snack | April 6, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Mae West is hot.
Trotter | April 6, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Ashlee, by funny do you mean pedantic and retarded? Please clarify. Oh, wait. You’re Ashlee Simpson, right?
Explains plenty.
Michael1 | April 6, 2006 at 3:41 pm
I disagree Sidius. Scarlett is not hot. She’s interesting looking in that “who does she remind me of? hmmmm” way, but “hot”?? You need to get out more Sidius.
Tantra is a principle usually associated with spirituality and Buddhism. Sex is one of the “paths” and all the paths are supposedly for *cough* spiritual enlightenment. Tantra uses stuff to heighten the senses and get the two (or three or ) people intensely hot — then you get the dick/vagina connection started and basically dont move for hours and that’s supposed to build up to mind blowing energy. Ever hear the term “Kundalini”?
Therapsists in the 80s were apparently recommedning “tantra” (without the “spiritual purpose”) to people who were sexually uptight or b-o-r-e-d.
PapaHotNuts | April 6, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Here are a few of the things that happen during tantric sex:
The Dirty Sanchez
The Rusty Trombone
Buttering the Corn
Chewing the Whisker Biscuit
Twisting the Pink Squirrel
Getting some stanky on your panky
Monkey Wrasselin’
Greasing the Crotch Rocket
Puttin’ cash in the sausage wallet
Beaver Training between the sheets
Paint the taint dark brown
Filet momma’s tunafish
Please feel free to add as I am interested in pleasing some of the ladies that post here when we meet at the Superficial convention later this year in Aruba. 164 out of 165 high school students agree that Aruba is great!
Claire Darkbloom | April 6, 2006 at 3:49 pm
What about the 165th?
Michael1 | April 6, 2006 at 3:55 pm
#42 you forgot:
Hide the Salami
Doing the Mattress Mambo
and teh Horizontal Bop (see tantra involves lots of dancing)
and Getting Your Red Flight Wings
Trotter | April 6, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Tossing the salad
PapaHotNuts | April 6, 2006 at 4:00 pm
#43- Natalie Hollaway wouldn’t agree.
sweetcheeks | April 6, 2006 at 4:21 pm
Also, the “saucy carlito.” Mmmm… saucy.
CoJo | April 6, 2006 at 4:27 pm
The “Strawberry Milkshake”
Trotter | April 6, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Cojo – does a Strawberry Milkshake trump Dirty Sanchez for obscenity? I’m an immediate fan.
Saucie | April 6, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Sweetcheeks,
It’s mmmmm….saucie