The Devil Made Josh Duggar Molest His Sisters Because of Their Outfits

When we last left the 19 Kids And Counting shartnado (Shitstorm doesn’t seem adequate.), Josh Duggar had openly confessed to molesting his sisters after a damning police report was obtained by In Touch Weekly. As for why Josh would be so forthcoming about repeatedly groping his sisters in their sleep which clearly demonstrated a proclivity for pedophilia, he knew he could count on his parents to keep covering things up by farting out a word salad about how everyone’s closer to God and idiots would obviously believe Josh Duggar when Josh Duggar said God had forgiven Josh Duggar because that’s a source you can trust. Right, Mike Huckabee? Since then, no less than eight million stories have popped up online now that more people are lifting up The Duggars’ rock and shining a light on the official policies and procedures of their baby factory along with asking very relevant about questions about who knew what and when. So here’s my attempt to process that goddamn phonebook of information into bite-size Internet nuggets because, Jesus Christ, these people.

“Immodest Dress”

When this story broke, a lot of people joked, “What did the devil make Josh Duggar do it because his little sister showed 3/8ths of an ankle?” and, yup, that’s exactly what the Duggars think. How do I know? Because it’s fucking codified in their homeschool teaching material. It’s literally in writing: Sexual abuse is the fault of the victim because they “defrauded” their abuser, so God let it happen.

4. Why Did God Let It Happen?
Result of defrauding by:
Immodest dress
– Indecent exposure
– Being out from protection of our parents
– Being with evil friends?

Say we give this bullshit the benefit of the doubt for a minute – which no one should ever do ever – the girls are dressed in head-to-toe gingham 24/7, who would possibly believe that a 14-to-17-year-old young man raised in a heavenly household of the Lord would be so sexually enthralled by the sight of his younger sister in a blouse a size-too-small that demons possessed his body and caused him to grope her in her sleep? The goddamn moron Duggars would because there’s TV money to be made.

The 2007 “Alice” Internet Comments

As far back as 2007, an Internet commenter by the name of “Alice” – who is believed to be a fellow church-member of the Duggars if not the one who flagged Oprah’s production company – left several damning online comments that only now have turned to be eerily accurate. What she offers is an inside account of how the Duggars handled Josh’s repeated molestation and also changes the narrative that he confessed of his own volition but was instead caught by one of his sisters. More importantly, the girls were only sent to counseling after the Department of Human Services got involved. Via Defamer:

Let me tell you something about the precious Duggars that you don’t know. … In January, the whole family went to Chicago and taped Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah wined and dined them for one week. You know that had to cost some pretty pennies. As you may have noticed, that show never aired and it never will. Oprah was informed that Josh, the oldest son, had been molesting his sisters. Yes, this is the truth. Oprah turned them over to the Arkansas State Police Child Protection Agency and the Washington County Child Protection Agency. They have been investigated to some length. Jim Bob Duggar told the producers of the show that he built a small church out back for his followers. HIS FOLLOWERS. GET REAL. THE MAN IS A FRAUD. In April, they were in court with their story. They have to report to Arkansas Department of Human Services every six months.. They have lied and lied about their son to protect him at their daughters expense.

Of course, this raises the questions of how long TLC has known, and probably the whole time, according to Mama June who claims the network was covering for her until her child molester boyfriend story went public:

The former “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” star also accused TLC of hiding Duggar’s sexual assault past. “[TLC] knew about [Josh Duggar] since 2006 and didn’t do anything. They kept filming the show, but as soon as rumors started they cancelled ‘Honey Boo Boo’ quick. I think TLC kept it quiet. That happened with Anna and me. TLC covered it up.”

Haha! The south.

The Counseling Center

Because this shit hasn’t gotten dark enough, the sexual abuse treatment center where Josh was “treated” was founded by a man who later resigned after being caught sexually grooming teens. Couple that with the state trooper who was arrested for child porn, and these people are literally a Yellow King reference away from becoming an episode of True Detective. Except just kidding, it’s right here: Michelle Duggar’s vagina is Carcosa!

The Incest Joke

Here’s Josh Duggar joking about incest on an old episode from 2008 which is funny because he molested his own sisters and had been caught several times by his parents before this was filmed, but TV money is God’s righteous reward for plentifying the earth and who are the Duggars to question that which has been bestowed upon them? The Lord works in mysterious ways, but mostly letting your daughters get molested by their own brother because of the swell of their bosom. Amen.

Ben Seewald Just Mastered Passive-Aggressive Instagram Posts

While Jessa Duggar’s father-in-law wrote an essay praising the Duggars, her husband Ben Seewald took what definitely looks like a huge open swipe at the Duggars on Mother’s Day which suggests everyone knew this shit was about to come out:

A little late in posting, but I had a wonderful Mother’s day with my Mom and wife! I want to give a shout out to my Mom and Dad. They’ve always sought to please God in raising me and my siblings. They’ve been loving, caring, and provided us with a good home and many happy memories. While many parents are abusing their children, earning the condemnation of God, my parents have always been protective of us and by God’s grace have made our home a safe haven. They loved us enough to have standards, rooted in Scripture, and stick by them even when it would’ve been easier for them just to let us do whatever we wanted to. They loved us too much for that…

SLAM! Duh dudda, duh dudda, let the boys not touch boys. (These people still hate gays. Never forget.)

Josh Duggar Might Get Cut From The Show

Of course, the biggest questions is are the victims okay? what’s going to happen to your favorite TV show, and as of right now, TLC has pulled 19 Kids and Counting from it’s schedule, but hasn’t officially cancelled it even though advertisers like General Mills have already pulled out. TMZ reports:

Connected industry sources tell TMZ, TLC is considering a number of options, weighing the pros and cons. One is to cancel the show outright, the other is to just go full steam ahead, but there is real talk about continuing without Josh.
Our sources say there’s a strong sense axing Josh would not materially hurt the show. We’re told TLC has done research and it shows the daughters have become the driving force. The weddings of Jill and Jessa were ratings successes, as was the birth of Jill’s baby.

Yes, let’s remove Josh, but continue to line the pockets of the parents who covered for him and let their own daughters get molested. As for how any of that is even a viable option: Christianity!

We’re told TLC believes the show has a strong, loyal evangelical base and so far support has not wavered.

Despite the fact The Duggars practice a horseshit cult-like brand of Christianity that most mainstream believers want nothing to do with because they value their vaginas and sanity, it really puts a dent in your belief system if you start to question who God’s forgiving and for what. And so the by-product of that is a human water slide gets to make millions of dollars on TV as a reward for creating an environment where young girls are molested then told it’s their own fault because their outfits made the devil turn their brother into a nighttime grope machine. Everyone wins! Unless you’re a young girl in a gingham dress being ritualistically prepped for a future pooping out babies until your uterus falls out. God hates you. — What? I’m just going by the workbook. “Chapter 4: Your Lady Parts Are An Affront To The Eyes of Lord Unless A Baby Is Coming Out of It, You Unworthy Bedeviler of Men’s Mind.” Ooh, and there’s a crossword puzzle!

Photo: Instagram