Josh Duggar Inappropriately Touched A Minor ‘Allegedly’

UPDATE: Here’s the official police report, so go ahead and skip all of this because it’s way worse than anyone imagined.

As the Duggar children slowly come of age, it shouldn’t be a surprise that they turn out to be insufferable, right-wing homophobes with punch-me-faces and a limited grasp on logic and reason because that’s the entire point of them being rapid-fired out of their mother’s vagina and home-schooled by the other escapees not even ten feet away from it. The Duggars’ sole purpose is to literally outnumber secular heathens and then infiltrate any and all forms of government because apparently there aren’t enough politicians who don’t give a shit about global warming because Jesus is coming. Which makes it all the more hilarious when one of them is caught giving into moral impropriety that was bound to happen when you fart out 20 kids because they’re human beings with human urges beyond mass Jello salad consumption and side-hugging. So here’s a report that claims Josh Duggar was allegedly turned into the police by his own father while being investigated for inappropriate contact with a minor. Via In Touch:

The charge being pursued while Josh was a minor was sexual assault in the fourth degree, multiple sources who have seen the police report and are familiar with the case told In Touch. According to the report, Josh was brought into the Arkansas State Police by his father, Jim Bob, who said he caught him leaving a young girl’s bedroom and “learned something inappropriate happened,” one source said.

But because the Lord’s justice is swift and always full of new ways to fuck kids over, the charges went nowhere after the state trooper who took the report was arrested for child porn – Yup. – and no one thought to go through his case files until after the statute of limitations had expired:

“A technicality prevented any further action,” a source familiar with the case told In Touch. “That’s been the biggest regret in all of this.” (The statute of limitations has since been lengthened.)
Sgt. Darrel Hignite — identified by multiple sources as the officer who led the investigation into the allegations about Josh — told In Touch: “I can’t comment or discuss [this case] because of the sensitive nature and because it involved a juvenile.”

Granted, this is Arkansas, so the inappropriate conduct could’ve just as easily been teaching the young girl how to read and/or where to find non-ankle-length gingham dresses – all capital offenses – or been absolute bullshit. The main point is that statistically the Duggars probably have at least one child molester in their midst, three gays they’ll eventually have to leave in the woods, and an autodidact who’ll be buried in the backyard for witchcraft. And who’s to say any of that hasn’t happened already? Are people actually watching the show and keeping a head-count? No one would ever know. No one would ever know…

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