Josh Duggar Got Busted In Ashley Madison Hack. The Josh Duggar.

Because God is really trying to prove to me He exists and works in wondrous and magical ways, Josh Duggar has been busted in the Ashley Madison hack which is incredible because I didn’t know you could meet kids on there. Parents should probably do something about that. Gawker reports:

Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary—a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to her first child—paid a total of $986.76 for two different monthly Ashley Madison subscriptions from February of 2013 until May of 2015.

Hmm, I wonder what happened in May 2015 that made Josh suddenly get rid of his account. Was it a newfound respect for his then-pregnant wife? Haha! Just kidding. It’s when his police report got leaked. And because news as epically hilarious as this doesn’t require commentary, I’m just going to leave the list of items Josh was looking for in an extramarital partner which surprisingly didn’t include the words “NO GINGHAM ON MY DICK.”

“Conventional Sex,” Experimenting with Sex Toys,” One-Night Stands,” “Open to Experimentation,” “Gentleness,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,” “Bubble Bath for 2,” “Likes to Give Oral Sex,” “Likes to Receive Oral Sex,” “Someone I Can Teach,” “Someone Who Can Teach Me,” “Kissing,” “Cuddling & Hugging,” “Sharing Fantasies,” “Sex Talk.”

And, yup, the words “Bubble Bath for 2″ just happened. We all saw it. We all read it. Don’t try and fight it.

h/t The Frisky who I now owe a firstborn

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