Jose Canseco’s Being Investigated For Rape

May 22nd, 2013 // 16 Comments
Jose Canseco
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According to a statement by the Las Vegas Police Department, Jose Canseco is being investigated for the rape of a fitness instructor who he’s apparently already named on Twitter like an idiot along with revealing her exact allegations and claiming he’ll take a polygraph test. Both of which he’s since taken down, yet still left these two gems at the top of his feed as of this post:

- Lets play truth or dare. I dare [victim's name] to tell the truth.
- Who wants to spend a day with jose. Come into my world if u can handle it.

I’ve never been accused of rape before, so for the record, I’m not speaking from experience here, but it’s probably not a good idea to start making ominous statements like, “Come into my world if u can handle it,” if you don’t want to sound like a rapist. That’s just begging for a warrant to dig under the pool, and judging by that statement again, I have a feeling Jose Canseco doesn’t want them to dig under the pool. In fact, did I say pool? Because I meant school. Let’s keep kids in school. Ahaha! (Please don’t hit me with a bat.)

UPDATE: And he’s been cleared just two weeks later. The End.

Photo: Getty


  1. Jimbo

    He should get ten years for wearing that jacket.

  2. jim

    He should get ten years for that jacket.

  3. ThisWillHurt

    “Yeah, step into my world, if you can handle it. You have to have a calender made in your honor and pose with a baseball bat for photo ops. Got what it takes, pussy?”

  4. That guy? In the picture? No way. He doesn’t look exactly like the kind of guy who rapes women. Probably doesn’t even know what a roofie looks like.

  5. Johnny P!

    ‘Lets play truth or dare’ (no apostrophe in ‘lets’, got multi-million dollar contracts, learning English not so high on my agenda. Also, it cut into my drinking time).
    ‘Who wants to spend a day with jose.’ (question with no question mark. See above. Also, spells first name with non-capitalized letter… feels inferior about himself.)
    ”Come into my world if u can handle it’. (the use of ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ signifies that he writes like an illiterate 14-year-old girl)
    Also, ‘Come into my world’ is a sad, obvious sexual double-entendre. (did Prince write this for him?)

  6. He’s raping you with his eyes right now. And his forehead is raping a skunk.

  7. Where's Dildo

    Only investigated for ONE rape? I’m glad to see Jose has gotten himself back on track.

  8. This could be another career ruined because of some gold digging skank. Rape allegations shouldn’t be public until charges are brought.

  9. If you squint your eyes the right way, it looks like Sylvester Stallone has been raiding David Hasselhoff’s closet.

  10. right

    Jose Canseco ‏@JoseCanseco 46m

    For the record I do not delete tweets. I have nothing to hide. The truth always comes out.

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