Jose Canseco’s Finger Fell Off At A Poker Game

A few weeks back, Jose Canseco managed to do the impossible by shooting his finger off and bringing together both sides of the gun control argument to laugh at his stupidity. Even more amazingly, I learned from gun nuts that, “It went off while I was cleaning it!” almost always means “I was playing with it like an idiot.” For that brief second, we actually stopped being partisan adversaries and were just normal assholes laughing at a moron’s misfortune on the Internet. It was the single most beautiful moment in my life. Anyway, since then, Jose had the finger reattached, but in the shittiest way possible because it smelled like death-ass and fell off in the middle of a poker tournament which he live-tweeted because why not?

If you’re so inclined, you can actually see the gross-as-all-hell finger on Deadspin, and then maybe afterward we can check out the dead body I found down by the creek because clearly that seems like you’re sort of thing. — Should you bring condoms? Why would you even ask that?

UPDATE: And now you can buy the gun. AMERICA!

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