Jonah Hill Is A Serious Actor Now And You Will Address Him As Such

June 6th, 2013 // 64 Comments
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Last week Will and Jaden Smith gave what had to be the most pretentious, high-on-their-own-farts interview of the year while promoting After Earth. Except here’s Jonah Hill who falls just a tad short of snatching the title, yet gives an impressive douchebag performance in Rolling Stone while promoting This Is The End. Keep in mind, the rest of the cast was asked the same questions to determine what it’d like to be holed up with them during the apocalypse, and all of them played along including James Franco who even showed up with a goddamn art book from Yale, yet still managed to come off as less self-important than Jonah Hill:

Things start out well:
Just to break the ice, we ask about his day, what he did this morning, what a typical Jonah Hill morning would be. He says one thing he does is ride the elliptical. We wonder how long he rides it for. He says he doesn’t know, maybe about 30 minutes. We ask if he does pushups and stuff like that or what?

He stiffens and says, “My workout routine is of little relevance.”

Alright, then…

This is not going to be easy. But, OK. Has he ever been in a fistfight?

“I fought a lot when I was younger. Some were good, some were bad. I don’t fight anymore, though. I’m an adult man,” he says, kind of laughing and sneering at the same time. “I use my words.”

Okay, that’s kind of a fair statement. Adults use adult words. Poop-face.

We press on. Rogen had told us about a line Hill didn’t want to say during the filming of This Is the End: “What we were saying to him was, ‘Tell God you’ll suck his dick if he kicks Jay out of the house.’ And I think he said it once, like, ‘God, I will suck your dick if you kill Jay.’ And we were like, ‘Say it again!’ And he was like, ‘I don’t want to do it again.’” We bring this up.

Hill looks off and very slowly says, “Seth and Evan are the most talented comedy writers at work today, and I have ultimate faith in them. But I’m a religious guy, I do believe in God and I’m Jewish, and I just couldn’t imagine being happy with that later in life. I just didn’t want to say it.”

So Jonah Hill is apparently religious now. And here’s where you feel the entire interview dive into a pissy bowl of piss. (See? Using my grown-up words.)

The waiter comes back, asks if we want a menu. Hill shakes his head. He evidently has no plans to eat here or even drink more than a glass of water. He’s slouching in his chair, stretching out his already stretched-out shirt. We can see the way this is heading and remind him that this is for our magazine’s weed issue and so – Well, he cuts us off right there. “I don’t even smoke weed,” he says, in such a pre-emptive, aggressive way that we figure he has heard about our little e-joint, so we decide to keep it hidden.

So maybe a nice fart question will break the question. Do you fart, now-an-adult Jonah Hill?

His eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. “I’m not answering that dumb question! I’m not that kind of person! Being in a funny movie doesn’t make me have to answer dumb questions. It has nothing to do with who I am.”

And here we go:

“I’ve done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I’m really prideful of that,” he says. “I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn’t, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both.”

But don’t call Jonah Hill angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry. Also, has he mentioned he’s an adult yet?

And then, if you remind him that Apatow once called him “angry, nerdy,” he’ll again make with the better-left-unexamined subtext and say, “Yeah, there was probably an angry time for me. But I couldn’t be a less angry person. Judd maybe thinks of himself that way. But I haven’t worked for him in five years. I adore him. But I’m fucking 29 years old and not some angry kid.”

“I’m not angry, okay? I’m fucking 29-years-old and am a serious fucking actor who’s just trying to get taken serious by not answering your dumb fucking questions. I’m completely fucking happy, alright? See? Look at me smile. That fucking smile worked with Tarantino, bitch.” – Jonah Hill, not angry

Photos: Getty

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  1. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Harvey Weinstein looks like the Nazi WWII poster caricatures of Jewish people

  2. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    If Leo whipped his dick out, Jonah would start blowing it without even being asked

  3. Sarah

    Eww. This article bums me out.

  4. When exactly did Jonah Hill transition from a comedic actor to a serious one? I remember him transitioning from fat to sick/skinny to fat again, and I remember him transitioning from male to female (that one might have been a dream I had), but I don’t recall “serious actor Jonah Hill”.

    • What’s amazing is that he succeeded (which is debatable depending on how “serious” you thought Moneyball was, but whatever) in doing something that he wanted to do in the first place, and which will ultimately benefit him by feeding his massive ego, and yet on top of all that he still demands our open-mouthed adoration because he walked away from mere comedy and refused to deign to entertain us all by doing something like grabbing Russell Brand’s imperial cock and balls in Get Him To the Greek 2, or jacking off Jason Segel in glorious full frontal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall: The Alzheimer’s Years. For another billion dollars, yet. Each. Such forbearance!

      Seriously, it’s times like this that I wish Nietzsche were alive.

    • No, McFeely, you’re right, Jonah Hill did in fact transition from male to female. People know female Jonah Hill better as “Rebel Wilson.” (Ha, you thought that was someone’s real name!)

  5. Hill realized he was talking to a long-obsolete tabloid and decided to muck his cards.

  6. In all fairness, being asked “Do you fart?” by a RS “journalist” would make me flip over the table and machine gun down everybody in the room.

    • The Ouroboros

      This made me spit coffee all over my goddamn cat. But read the article, McBride and Rogen seem like they’d actually be decent to hang out with.

  7. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Leo looks pleased with himself, after having melted Brendan Fraser using only the power of his mind.

  8. Who the hell is Jonah Hill?

  9. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Meshugga Tits
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the chef caught him: “Sacre bleu! Zerr ee eez- za boy we caught eating ze cake een da keetchin! Monsieur Coopeh, do not try to defend dis peeg!”

  10. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now for me, personally, the toenail polish is immaterial. It’s the angle and shape of the arches that determines the intensity of my affections”.

  11. catapostrophe

    He’s definitely troubled–obviously self-conscious and most likely self-loathing.

  12. Hate this fucking douchebag and the whole untalented, entitled Apatow crew.

    • You know what was the worst insult? The Vanity Fair comedy issue, guest-edited by Apatow — supposedly featuring comedy greats (old & new), and included MEGAN FOX. Christ almighty…

  13. Putting on a hundred pounds to play an aging boxer is being a serious actor. Putting on a hundred pounds because Taco Bell is close to your house is just being a fat shit.

  14. I’m finally beginning to realize everyone in Hollywood is f*cking douche.
    Are there ANY decent actors left who aren’t self-important, egomaniacal, (and apparently orthodox religious psychos) left?

    • Tom Hardy seems pretty choice. Emma Stone seems alright. Ron Perlman. RDJ is a douche, but an affable one. Tom Hanks.

      There are actually plenty of decent folks out there in Hollywood, they just don’t get as much attention. An interview where the Smith’s claim their advanced understanding of multidimensional mathematics gets much more exposure than Alyson Hannigan talking about being a mom or Neil Patrick Harris discussing stage magic..

      • Yeah, you’re probably right…the decent actors don’t get as much press, so we are stuck reading about the douchebags.
        Or maybe I should just stay the hell away from Fish!

      • Plus, jackholes like us spend too much time on sites like this, which focus on the batshit/douchebag variety of celebrities, because they’re gossip’s bread and butter. And so we sometimes overlook all the decent actors out there who entertain us and don’t spend their rich & famous lifestyles doing stupid-ass shit.

      • Probably should have read RoboZombie’s response first.

    • Sandler is supposed to be a pretty decent guy too.

  15. When did he become such an asshole. Being nominated for an Oscar really changed him.

  16. Baginaface

    Lighten up Francis.

  17. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or does every picture here look like he’s the guy who got pity invited and tries to shoehorn his way into conversations while everyone else is thinking “oh god not this guy”?

  18. Brought It

    As an avid Howard Stern fan, I listen to every interview he conducts, whether or not I give a shit about the subject. Howard does an amazing job of connecting with his guests and presenting them as interesting people to his audience. Jonah Hill? That fucking douchebag twat made me change the channel, he was so insufferably ego bloated. This interview does not surprise me in the least.

  19. T1

    a rolling stone “weed issue.” like how cool is rolling stone?

  20. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Dom Deluise
    Commented on this photo:

    Perhaps Dicaprio can ruin another Yates story. Certainly can’t think of anyone better than Hill to play Lard Ass Platt.

  21. Ugh. Jonah Hill has now ruined every funny movie he’s been in for me. What a self-absorbed dick wad.

  22. Rob

    So he’s pretty muched turned into his character from Accepted now, huh?

  23. 1. “I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn’t, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both.”
    “I decided to forgo all those other big comedies to do The Sitter and The Watch. You know, billion-dollar comedies.” (Both of these movies stunk up the box office, and I doubt either as yet to make dollar one in profit.)

    2. “I’ve done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I’m really prideful of that.”
    “Prideful”? The word is proud. So fucking pretentious. On the other hand, the primary definition of “prideful” is “arrogant; disdainful,” so maybe he was right the first time.

    3. Rolling Stone‘s “weed issue”? LOLOLOL

  24. Jazzy Jeff

    Weight loss didn’t take I guess.

  25. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    “If you wear a knit tie, or if you’re shorter than me. Those are the Hollywood rules. I didn’t create them, I just enforce them. Now on you knees, Jonah, this limp noodle aint going to suck itself.”

  26. linda

    what a giant asshole this guy is. i remember thinking it back when he lost weight and was offended when people made a big deal out of it– claiming he didn’t understand because he “was never that big” before. um, yeah you were. whatever, he will never carry a movie because 1] he lacks the superstar good looks and 2] lacks a clue about not being a super douche and 3] is just not as talented as he seems to think he is.

  27. Melllllzy

    What an insufferable little knock-kneed twat. I do not remember him from any movie he’s been in.

  28. He could’ve been more diplomatic but honestly, some of those questions were ridiculous. Maybe he’s on a diet and in a bad mood. As for the line he didn’t want to say, I respect his decision to stand up for what he believes. He’s a person not an autobot, if he was uncomfortable with the line, then so be it. Dude could use some PR training though.

    • He’s not a big enough celebrity to be verbally slapping people around like that. I mean, ask yourself: If Jonah Hill were to fall off the face of the Earth during the night, who — other than his immediate family — would even give a shit. There are mass graves in Third World countries that have funnier, more charismatic people buried in them than this grandiose “adult.” Stupid questions? Answer them until you have “made your bones.”

  29. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Jenn
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope, never gonna get it.

  30. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Jenn
    Commented on this photo:

    Leo…I love you.
    Wait, what?
    Oh, did I say that out loud? Damn.

  31. BC

    Six million wasn’t enough.

  32. Jonah Hill Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Goyim!

  33. I never liked this asshole from the word “GO,” and now I like him even less. If I ever watch a movie he’s in it will be entirely by accident.

  34. catsy

    he seems kind of douchey, but i can’t fault him for not wanting to say a line in a movie that goes against his personal beliefs. i mean, betty white turned down a role in *as good as it gets* because she didn’t like the scene where jack nicholson sends the little dog down the garbage chute….no one gave her any shit for it. she’s an avid animal rights activist, and it went against her beliefs. i think jonah hill is well within his rights to refuse to say a line, and i give him props for sticking to his guns.

  35. Ivory

    Prideful? Doesn’t he mean proud? Hah, maybe he was waiting to be corrected so he can say “Proud? I don’t know the meaning of the word!”. Sad day when a funny guy with potential gets high on his own farts (which he won’t comment about, because he’s all serious now!).

  36. Sir Mix Alot

    The interviewer sounded like an asshole to me.

  37. Deep Throat

    Dude is so insecure. And mad as hell. I imagine lots of call girls in his life for some reason. Listen, some interviews are very serious and others are just a big joke. Clever (read: smart) actors get the joke and maneuver through the interview with no problem. This guy’s insecurities kept him on the defensive and made him appear weird ass hell.

  38. detectivemicrophone

    the interviewer was asking stupid questions. i didn’t think his answers were that bad. whatever. guy didn’t want to be there because he knew they’d ask dumb shit like if he farts.

  39. So much adoration in Jonah’s eyes))))

  40. Jonathan

    The author of this artilce is the bigger douche.

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