Jonah Hill Just Died In Leo’s Arms The Other Night, It Must’ve Been Something He Said

“I wish I could tell you that Andy Dufresne fought the good fight, and that he didn’t drown in that studio audience when Jonah Hill ejaculated. I wish I could tell you that, but when a man reaches that level of person nirvana – well, I suppose there’s no limit to what might come out of him. Things went on like that for a while, Jonah standing on stage with Leo embracing him from behind, their eyes both closed in a moment that seemed like it could go on forever. And had it gone on like that for another hour, I do believe all of New York would’ve been bathed in rapturous man-goo. But it didn’t, and we’re better for it. Except for Andy Dufresne. A lung full of semen is like hell getting to you before you even finished dying. Unless you’re Tom Cruise, of course. Tom Cruise would pay good money for something like that. Good, good money.”