Jonah Hill Just Died In Leo’s Arms The Other Night, It Must’ve Been Something He Said

January 27th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Jonah Hill Leonardo DiCaprio SNL
WATCH: Leo Crashed Jonah Hill's SNL Monologue

“I wish I could tell you that Andy Dufresne fought the good fight, and that he didn’t drown in that studio audience when Jonah Hill ejaculated. I wish I could tell you that, but when a man reaches that level of person nirvana – well, I suppose there’s no limit to what might come out of him. Things went on like that for a while, Jonah standing on stage with Leo embracing him from behind, their eyes both closed in a moment that seemed like it could go on forever. And had it gone on like that for another hour, I do believe all of New York would’ve been bathed in rapturous man-goo. But it didn’t, and we’re better for it. Except for Andy Dufresne. A lung full of semen is like hell getting to you before you even finished dying. Unless you’re Tom Cruise, of course. Tom Cruise would pay good money for something like that. Good, good money.”


  1. I’m totally reading this in Morgan Freeman’s voice.

  2. As a man that just watched “Django Unchained” I got a lot of respect for Leonardo DiCaprio now. Fucking awesome movie.

  3. BlinkyTheFish

    Jonah must’ve felt like a lottery winner/new bride/make a wish foundation kid who gets his wish/Kelly Brook’s gynecologist all rolled into one.

    • LOL! I doesn’t get any better than Kelly Brook’s gynecologist. If it’s a man, he doesn’t even need to watch porn of the internet. He’s got all the fapping material he’ll ever need for the rest of his life in his head.

      Fuck that, even if it’s woman, same thing.

  4. Judge Chamberlain Haller

    I believe Jonah’s boobs are about the same size Kate Winslet’s were in Titanic.

  5. alex

    I love how the “Hey guys, I’m a serious actor now” jabs have disappeared. This guy IS a real actor with chops. I think there’s a good chance he’ll actually WIN an oscar. And after Wolf of Wallstreet, he deserves it.

  6. Deacon Jones

    Who wants to bet at least one of them read that thread on here a couple weeks ago about him fawning over Leo? id say they probably laughed their asses off too.

    Sidenote, see how Jonah almost falls over hugging Leo at the end? lol

  7. Respect to Photo Boy. He can capture Jonah’s dreams on video.

  8. HeaveHoYoko

    I watched What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? last night and wow, it’s hard to take Leonardo DiCaprio seriously as a jackass after seeing that, he was so great.

    • haterade

      That’s what makes him a good actor. We all know he’ s a sleazeball, but he’s believable as not a sleazeball on screen. It’s irritating, but he’s talented.

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