How Much Douche Is In Jonah Hill’s Canoe Today?

A few weeks back, Jonah Hill gave a pissy interview to Rolling Stone where he got shitty with the writer and wouldn’t shut up about how he’s a serious actor now and no one else has ever transitioned from comedy to drama in the history of acting before so fucking recognize. This earned him exactly the reaction you’d expect from the Internet, so he was a little more cordial for his latest interview with Bullett. Which actually portrays Jonah pretty flatteringly until you read these quotes they felt the need to cut, yet for some reason passed along to Salon:

“You can dis me all you want on a blog, or write whatever you want in this magazine and I’ll just be like, ‘Whatever, man. Scorsese thinks I’m awesome.’ [Laughs.] He hired me and didn’t fire me, so I can kind of not care now.”

And this one about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie coming to his birthday party which I like to believe many a penis were fellated so that it never saw the light of day because, wow, did you seriously just brag about Brangelina coming to your birthday? At least you didn’t mention Leo. Oh, wait:

When Brad [Pitt] and Angie [Jolie] came to my birthday party last year, I think that was pretty shocking to a lot of people because that was at a small bar, but my birthday party this year was at my house and, um, some of the guys from The Wolf of Wall Street came over. My friends weren’t like, ‘Oh my gosh! A famous person’s here.’ More than that, it was the actors there who were like, ‘Man, it’s so awesome how close you are with all these people who don’t give a fuck that you’re in movies or that anyone else is in movies.’ Because no one cared that Leo [DiCaprio] was there.

So after reading both of those outtakes, here’s an uncut excerpt from the interview which now seems even more ridiculous for a quote where Jonah Hill not only considers Andrew Garfield and Joseph Gordon-Levitt his contemporaries, but means that in the past tense because he’s up there with Clooney now, motherfucker. Blog that shit:

Hill insisted that he was the right choice to play Donnie Azoff, an amoral and hedonistic entrepreneur inspired in part by Danny Porush, who was incarcerated in the ’90s for a $200-million “pump and dump’’ stock fraud. The role called for Hill to change his voice, appearance, and thought process—to totally disengage from his own solid moral code. “Even though it’s about excess, it’s really about the darkness of money and greed and drugs and power,” Hill says. “I knew that I was being considered among a list of other actors, but not my contemporaries—Andrew Garfield or Joseph Gordon-Levitt—people who are usually up for the same stuff as me. I was hearing names like George Clooney.”

I always assumed there was some unspoken rule about celebrities name-dropping other celebrities, but that could just be a fantasy I had where Jonah Hill is stranded on a private island with a spear and a hungry lion for telling everyone he had a sleepover at Leonardo DiCaprio’s house and his mom totally let them drink in the basement while watching Skinemax. It was so awesome.

Photo: Bullett