UPDATE: Jon & Kate have a teaser for their divorce episode. Classy.

June 18th, 2009 // 57 Comments

TLC and, let’s assume a willing Kate Gosselin, have whipped together a teaser for this Monday’s extra-special episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight that we might as well call “The Divorce Episode.” Seriously, I don’t know how else to interpret the line “Decisions that will affect every member of our family…ones that we hope will bring each of us some peace.” Of course, I could be way off and they’re pulling out of the show, getting counseling and saving their kids from seeing mommy and daddy exploit the single most traumatic moment of their young lives in exchange for a bucket of cash. — Pfft! HAHAHA! I’m a riot.

UPDATE: RadarOnline reports Jon is filing divorce papers next week. What kind of montage do you use for that?

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Janey

    I’m dying to find out who gets custody of Kate’s hair.

  2. Doobie

    Two?

  3. Dave ain't here, man

    May divorce be with you.

  4. I WANT TO KNOW NOOOOOW!

  5. Blah

    Who cares?

  6. Still love it

    I wish i remember where i read it, but consider this RT:

    Coming this fall:

    Jon + 4, Kate + 4

    or

    Jon – 9

  7. Divorce or no divorce….they still have freakin 8 whacked out kids regardless…

  8. Barney Frank

    After her show gets cancelled she can star in Sponge Kate – Square Hair.

    Sorry I can’t take credit for that. I heard it hear a while back. But every time I look at her that is the first thing I think of.

    Quit the show and save your family you stupid wench.

  9. Zanna

    Well, if it’s the divorce episode it will be the shortest season ever.

  10. Sydney

    What idiots. I hope those children live a happy life, and I hope that show gets cancelled.

    Thanks, reality television, for fucking things up even worse. I hate reality TV.

  11. ashley

    so… does anyone remember back when this website used to be funny?

  12. ashley

    For everyone who has forgotten, this is what the superficial used to be like:

    Britney Spears stopped at a Quizno’s in LA so she could use the bathroom, which is something she does basically every other week. I’m pretty sure she’s the only celebrity person in the world who pulls over to use public restrooms. Like actually stops driving on her way home so she can use a toilet a hundred other people have already used that day. I’d say it’s because her bladder is the size of a peanut, but honestly I think that would be her brain. And maybe peanut is a bit too generous
    . What would you call the absence of a brain? An absence so powerful it dulls any brain that even gets near it. Because that’s what Britney has. In her head. Well that, or a large tomato and a note from God that says, “My bad.”

    BRING BACK THE OLD WRITER!!!!!

  13. Chupa

    I remember back about 3-4 years ago when this site was hilarious.

    Anyway, he is the douchiest douche ever.
    Is he wearing an Ed Hardy hoodie there?

    Also: she may be able to get rid of him, but every single one of those kids look like his friggin clone.

    Haunted for life by douche faces.

  14. Reality TV Blows

    I guess Ashley’s a Jon & Kate fan.

  15. gooseninja

    All of you people thinking Jon is going to get screwed in the divorce are wrong. Kate is the moneymaker with her book deals and signings, speaking engagements etc. etc. etc. It will be Kate who will need to provide Jon with the type of life he has become accustomed to. He does not work, he is the stay at home dad and I would think that since Kate is gone all the time being the self absorbed person she is that Jon would maintain a majority of the custody of the children.

  16. Deva

    I wish someone would kill this fucking cunt. It’s the best possible outcome for Jon and the kids.

  17. Savalas

    >”Decisions that will affect every member of our family…ones that we hope will bring each of us some peace.”

    Mass suicide in the Gosselin compound?

  18. chango666

    Man oh man, I would stick my head so far up her lovely ass and lick it clean, just to see where it came from. There is just something about this bitch that turns me the fuck on . . . what can I say, I’m smitten . . .

  19. General Ackbar

    IT”S A TRAP!!!!

  20. havoc

    She’s pregnant….

    .

  21. OLD WRITER

    Dear Superfish fans,

    1) Thanks for the love, now get down on your knees…….

    I can sense that I’ve been missed which is why I am here to visit you from a higher place

    Apparently when I passed down all my fame, fortune, and massive ding-dong genetics to future generations they were too f’ed up on ritalin to realize the large Superman powerhouse they were dealing with

    No worries, I have sent Uncle Guido to to rough’em up a bit – including genital mutilation – don’t blame me, blame yourselves you selfish lil bas-Tards!

    So hopefully you can move on with your lives from now with our nipple hard comedy

    Hug Hug, Kiss Kiss,
    THE OLD WRITER

  22. georgie

    the whole thing was a scam!

  23. nice try

    @21

    So, was your goal to sound absolutely nothing like any of the posts ever written on The Superficial? Because mission accomplished.

  24. Parker

    Rather than keeping everyone on tenterhooks I’ll tell you what will be revealed on June 22 episode of Jon and Kate. Kate will announce that they’re getting a divorce and in exchange for a $100 a week, each one of her and Jons siblings will take one kid and raise it the way they think it should be raised. When the kids reach 18 everyone will get together to see how they turned out for a new show tentatively titled Eight Siblings Bringing Up Eight SIblings. In the meantime Jon will quit his job and become a bartender while Kate take most of the money and comes to live with me and enjoy a life of all anal all the time.
    In exchange for spending her money and buttfucking her every night, she’ll keep the house clean and make me a sandwich whenever I get hungry.

  25. sally

    she looks like she has a mustache going on in the first pic…

  26. sally

    she looks like she has a mustache going on in the first pic…

  27. If you watch this show please do us all a favor and immediately sterilize yourself so you can’t breed. Thank you.

  28. Hownowbrowncow

    I can always trust her outfits to have that Chico’s flair

  29. nysro

    I’m hoping more for a murder / suicide pact between the two of them.. If for nothing more, than to spare the fucking world of their presense… The kids are already being raised by a team , that probably cares for them more than their mother, so they wouldn’t be too bad off without them…

    (Jon actually seems ok , so if he just convinced her it was a pact, and backed out after she offs herself, that would work too)

    It’s a sad fucking time when shit like this is the most talked about TV for the last coupel months…

  30. Yo ho

    @ #23 mystery solved! He is ” the writer”

    Guess he’s making up for his small weiner by insulting the only comments he can get on this lame story?!

  31. It’s about time. I wonder what’s going to happen though, this intrigues me lol

  32. Alex

    When will these two Cunts and their 8 little bastards stop being news. I’m starting to miss the thrice daily Megan Fox posts. at least with her I feel less guilt about masturbating to the pictures.

  33. Please

    #12 you are correct, I’m afraid. I had forgotten. What has happened? Pre-frontal lobotomy, or free bottle in front of me?
    Superficial, please be smart and funny again. We miss you.

  34. Twits + 8

    Happy Father’s Day!

  35. big yeccch

    First of all, i want to slap the fuck out of her hairstylist. it’s like they got bored halfway through the haircut. Or maybe stroked out. It’s NOT edgy, Kate, it’s what my niece did with her first pair of scissors.
    Secondly, I feel SO SORRY for these children. It’s really a pity that you can’t choose your parents. These two douchebags are no better than the OCTOPUSSY.
    BIG FAT YUCK.

  36. iffydruid

    I used to like the show at first but as her bitchiness came out and her mind control over Jon got worse with each season I really can’t stomach her. The show is the money machine for them. They both get a paycheck and have had their family members – Kate’s brother and sister-in-law quit over Kate’s anger that TLC wanted to pay them for their appearances which would affect how much of a cut she and Jon would get.

    She’s awful and I hope that she gets stuck with her spoiled brat and her favorite child the preference is so obvious – Mady and they ride off into the sunset together

  37. iffydruid

    Oh yeah, everytime I see her I have an odd desire to play sonic the hedgehog. Gotta be the ‘do

  38. Derek Jeter's Penis

    Maybe the Super-fish and Geekologie writer could trade places for a couple of days? At least we could get a few more Star Wars and Light Saber references worked into the stories… Pew… Pew… Pew!

  39. so, now the show will be called jon plus four, and kate plus four? or, more appropriately, jon, kate, and the pennsylvania supreme court plus eight

  40. so, now the show will be called jon plus four, and kate plus four? or, more appropriately, jon, kate, and the pennsylvania supreme court plus eight

  41. Justine

    Honestly, they’re not even celebrities, and I’m sick of seeing them on the cover of every magazine, and in every celebrity gossip blog.

  42. Rhialto

    They’re going all the way commercial.They need the money for the kids!

  43. Darth

    How bout Octomom hooking up with Jon Gosselin? An idea?

  44. Gando

    Jon gosselin will be tired of bitches after the divorce.He probably will be turning gay after paying his monthly child support for some time.

  45. Nero

    He’ll change his cool dark shades for a pink one.

  46. budah

    *snerk* *giggle* omg He’s divorcing Her LOL . *karma reaches up and bitch slaps Kate in the face ..sits back and laughs as she cries*

  47. Dave

    Wow, how classy. Anything for a buck I guess.

  48. Dave

    Here’s what will happen. They’ll get divorced of course, and TLC will portray Kate as the poor victim; the powerful single mom who can tough it out and represent moms everywhere.

    They’ll give her a show of her own (because God knows she’ll say yes to anything that keeps her in the public eye) and it will be nauseating. Girl Power Kate raises children on her own!

    Barf.

    What I really hate about this show is this: My wife and I started watching in the beginning because we have toddlers and it’s interesting to see how other parents handle the same decisions we do. Then they got a million dollar house, went on a series of enviable FREE vacations, Emeril came to their house (for free), Jon got a free bike from Orange County Choppers (they run about 30 grand) and the show became Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

    How is that relateable to the blue-collar viewers they pretend to be? It should be called, “Jon and Kate’s Ego + Eight.”

  49. still surprised?
    …………..THIS COUNTRY IS NAMED: “UNITED STATES”, folks!!

  50. idontcare

    I think TLC want everyone to believe that it will be the big D announcement. However, I don’t think it will be – if they divorce they have no show – really – think about it . They will announce that they have decided to stay together and go through marriage councilling and the cameras will be there to film it all!
    Just my thoughts – I won’t be watching and really don’t care. I will await the verdict and read it online on Tuesday.

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