Jon Gosselin’s tiny penis reduced to novelty act

March 4th, 2010 // 65 Comments

Jon Gosselin having a small penis has become so universally known that it’s literally costing him money at this point. Via The Huffington Post:

If Playgirl ever asks Jon Gosselin, 32, to pose nude, he may be a little insulted by the offer. “We discussed it, and we’d offer him only $20,000,” Playgirl rep Daniel Nardicio tells Life & Style exclusively. “His star is extinguishing, and he’s not very [well endowed]” — as Jon’s exes Hailey Glassman and Kate Major both recently revealed. “Honestly,” says Nardicio, “it’d be more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot.”

Wait. Someone’s paying $20,000 for pictures of tiny pensies? Excuse me while I call every single woman who’s seen me naked and proceed to laugh in their face.

*picks up phone*

This might take a while. “Hello? Mom? Guess what…”

Photos: Splash News

  1. Italians do it better

    FIRST!!! ORCODIO!!!!


    Too funny
    Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy
    And to have to live with everyone on the planet knowing you have a tiny penis!

  3. i just farted and i might have pooped my pants i need to go ask my mom if she can clean me up.
    although she enjoys my poop. sometimes she likes to smear it on her lady parts and let the dog lick it off.

  4. Walter

    How do they know the size of his penis?

  5. Jon — $80 for a night with the Stegosaurus backpack.

  6. Anon

    As i’ll never read Playgirl all i’m interested in is that Playboy never ask his two exs to pose nude. I see enough fried eggs at breakfast and have been in the channel tunnel before.

  7. Richard McBeef

    They would have to pony up a lot more than $20K for me to pose as jack-off fodder.

  8. Medical Examiner

    He has the bloated face of someone found a week after drowning in the swimming pool.

  9. victor von shroom

    bwah ha ha ha…there are THREE separate ads for “The Marriage Ref” on the superficial main page….what a terribly unfunny show (and so clearly desperate for viewers, if that many ads are showing up on thesuperficial)…

    i’m so glad to see “executive producer jerry seinfeld” fall flat on his unfunny face with this one….what a hack….


  10. Anon

    #8 haha, he does.

  11. victor von shroom

    correction: there are FOUR ads for it (one is way down at the bottom)…god-DAMN….

  12. Colin

    Not that I have any trouble believing that Jon has a teeny weeny weenie, but are we really going of the word of Hailey Glassman and effing KATE MAJOR? I mean, she worked for Star; she used to get PAID for making crap up about people.

  13. g-diddly

    If mags can photoshop the freckles off of our favorite crackskank, then I’m sure Playgirl wouldn’t have a problem photo enhancing the size of his dick. Has it occurred to anyone that maybe he was only offered $20,000 because he’s a short, fat fuck? Danny Devito would be more of an intriguing model than this worthless pile of shit.

  14. michelle

    too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and he is Asian…………………..

  15. jeremiah

    No such thing as an asian with a big cock

  16. doo doo

    #3 I love your posts and they are actually the best on this site as of late! You are one step ahead of Randal who knows how to post poop all the time. Keep it up!

  17. out of work agent

    #16 is really Jerry Seinfeld.

  18. donkey

    #3 is really Jerry Seinfeld.

  19. Racism Against Asians.

    Could this website be anymore racist towards Asians?

    You wouldn’t dare printing tripe like this about blacks or whites.

  20. justifiable

    I have no doubt that Jon Gosselin has a small dick, but with all that pudge packed around it, it probably looks even smaller than it is. Playgirl’s paying him $19,998 too much.

  21. justifiable

    #19 Oh, bullshit. You need to distinguish between the posts and the actual website content coming from the Fish. Yeah, a lot of racist dicks post here – and they dare to print tripe about whitse and blacks in turn because there’s no monitoring here. Some get called on it by others. Some don’t – so step up and start calling some specifics if you really see them, don’t just sit back and whine about generalities. Unless you think there’s some kind of subliminal message here from the writer about Asians having small dicks at work here, you’re getting worked up over anonymous posts.

    P.S. The Fish recently smacked (white) asshat John Mayer around as well as figuratively kicking the shit out of (black) Chris Brown and (black/asian) Tiger Woods. No one gets out alive if they’re a douchebag.

  22. bruce lee is watching you

    #15 Clearly you’ve never seen asian porn. gay or straight.

  23. Wow, what a newsflash. An Asian guy with a small dick.

    No worries, Jon-san…. Arabs & Indians (Indian Indians) are smaller.

    RPG, over & out

  24. MArk

    It’s true, no one would dare make fun of a black/white guy like that here. Has to do with America itself. It only supports Whites and Blacks…

    All blacks are on Welfare and the white man pays for it.

  25. Mark

    #14 Yes it’s true no one would dare make fun of a blck/whgite on this site/in media like that because America only has support for WHites/Blacks. You know, all blacks are on welfare and whites pay for them. WHat a world.

  26. Tiff

    #15 – My BF is full Asian and he has a bigger cock than any White dude I’ve been with. I know the majority aren’t bigger than average, but some definitely are.

  27. Maybe it’s not his penis that’s too small, but the rest of him being so LARGE! Jesus, does Ed Hardy make clothes in “superduper-mega husky”?

  28. sam

    this guy was bald last year , were did he get all that hair.

  29. He’s above the hyper-publicity and is in a happy relationship.

  30. Nice work guys!
    this is just Amazing!

  31. Jimmy

    Many ex-girlfriends go straight for the below-the-belt comments after a breakup, whether or not it’s true. Playgirl is getting pretty desperate.

  32. Hi,
    they are actually the best on this site as of late! You are one step ahead of Randal who knows how to post poop all the time..

  33. captain america

    he “bought” the rest of his body elsewhere!!

  34. kkk

    OMG!!!! Life is so cool !!! a good place for us Seeking for the stimulation—— R i c h M i n g l —-i think u would like it,,,trust me u may find something make u join free

  35. nomas

    Do the kids get new backpacks each day? I can see Kate insisting on that.

  36. small asian penis

    that’s awesome

  37. Whatever happened to the unspoken code that celebutards used to have which stated that they didn’t give out this kind of info to the public?

  38. Dread not

    Like I said before, Hawaiian my ass. Rice dick.

  39. Tom777

    John, Man I got to tell you… I FEEL FOR YOU MAN… I know you gave it everything you had with Kate and TRUST ME MAN… I feel you bro… You TRIED to make it work but shit man… It just didn’t work out… Anyone who has not been married has NO IDEA what it’s like…

    All I can say is HEY… YOUR FREE… Your Free… Your finally free… Take your freedom and make of it what you will… RUN with it… and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!


  40. bubba schmidt

    #39. Your free what? Your free cat? Your free mom?

  41. Oh!!! Is this guy still alive??

  42. this guy was bald last year , were did he get all that hair.

  43. Indian dude

    WTF??? Indian guys have small dicks???

  44. Mari

    Ha!!Ha!! How, funny come on, I mean those “girlfriends” weren’t complaining about size when they were with him, I guess all they cared about was the size of the tabloid stories and the size of their exposure on TV.

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  46. SaRaHc.

    i’m disgusted people actually believe this biLge, give a fuck or think Jerry Senfield would bother signing in ‘anon’ (if so, i don’t wanna know- i got fresh disrespect to dish out daily, & i dON’T gotta dig very deep…) Decrepid dungeons like this dilly = distractions for the desperate : i.e. losers with no lives (Hey, does this mean i’m one too now?! “i think i’m ready to unLOAD!…”) who beak off like they’re ‘iN The KNoW’ but only bring their bottom-feeder bigotry that has no basis – only B.i.A.S. (& therefore BLOWS)

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  48. Apostate

    Ahhh….So there IS another organ that matches the size of his so-called brain.

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