Jon Gosselin’s penis better learn to shoot copious amounts of child support payments because it’s apparently got him in trouble again. Stephanie Santoro, the nanny he hired back in August that led to Kate flipping out and being escorted off the property by cops, is cashing in and selling tales of her sexual escapades with Jon to the tabloids. PopEater reports:
Santoro, 23, tells In Touch Weekly that their steamy fling began one night with an innocent phone call where Jon asked her to come over. Santoro says that Jon asked if she could give him a massage, and then he was like, ‘my turn.’ While we were sitting there, he said, ‘Well, I guess we can kiss just once.’”
Santoro says that night, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.” The two then made their way to Jon’s hot tub, where Santoro says she “kept looking at the windows” because she was afraid “one of the kids was going to pop their heads out, but he told me to relax.”
She goes on to call Gosselin “very romantic,” saying after they got out of the hot tub, Jon “ran in to make sure all of the kids were asleep, and we went back into the apartment that is over the garage. We continued what was going on in the hot tub, and then he fell asleep afterward.”
After their first hook-up, Santoro says the ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ star texted her several times “saying how much he cared about me, and he was being really sincere. He just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was being used. I pretty much spent every night there that entire week. And that’s how our relationship started.”
Santoro then goes into TMI territory about their relationship, saying they had sex “nine times,” and that Gosselin “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.”
Stephanie’s mom Marci is getting in on the act also and tells RadarOnline that Jon threatened to kill himself which he denies but Stephanie allegedly saved all his texts:
“He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore,” Marci told RadarOnline.com. “He said to her, ‘I’m just going to kill myself, I’m just going to end it all.’”
In Jon Gosselin’s defense, I’m pretty sure he was just angling for a mercy fuck. That said, I’m suspicious of this whole story. Mostly because there’s no mention of riding on the back of his ATV to Make-Out Point for 90 seconds of awkward sex. You know, the kind that ends with “Here’s a check. Don’t tell anybody.” How’s that working out for you, Jon?
More Kate humiliation, I love it. Keep it up skanks!
Now here’s a little story, I’ve got to tell
About three bad brothers, you know so well
It started way back in history
With Adrock, M.C.A., and me, Mike D.
Been had a little horsy named Paul Revere
Just me and my horsy and a quart of beer
Riding across the land, kicking up sand
Sheriff’s posse on my tail cause I’m in demand
One lonely Beastie I be
All by myself, with nobody
The sun is beating down on my baseball hat
The air is gettin’ hot, the beer is getting flat
Lookin’ for a girl, I ran into a guy
His name is M.C.A., I said, “Howdy”, he said, “Hi”
He told a little story, that sounded well rehearsed
Four days on the run and that he’s dying of thirst
The brew was in my hand, and he was on my tip
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry, he asked me for a sip
He said, “Can I get some?”
I said, “You can’t get none!”
Had a chance to run
Pulled out his shotgun
Quick on the draw, I thought I’d be dead
He put the gun to my head and this is what he said,
“Now my name is M.C.A., I’ve got a license to kill
I think you know what time it is, it’s time to get ill
Now what do we have here, an outlaw and his beer
I run this land, you understand, I make myself clear.”
We stepped into the wind, he had a gun, I had a grin
You think this story’s over but it’s ready to begin
Now, “I got the gun, you got the brew
You got two choices of what you can do
It’s not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you away or you can ride with me” I said,
I’ll ride with you if you can get me to the border
The sheriff’s after me for what I did to his daughter
I did it like this, I did it like that
I did it with a whiffleball bat
So I’m on the run, the cop’s got my gun
And right about now, it’s time to have some fun
The King Adrock, that is my name
And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne.”
We rode for six hours then we hit the spot
The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot
This dude was staring like he knows who we are
We took the empty spot next to him at the bar
M.C.A. said, “Yippe Yo, you know this kid?”
I said, “I didn’t.”, but I know he did
The kid said, “Get ready cause this ain’t funny
My name’s Mike D. and I’m about to get money.”
Pulled out the jammy, aimed it at the sky
He yelled, “Stick ‘em up!”, and let two fly
Hands went up and people hit the floor
He wasted two kids that ran for the door
“I’m Mike D. and I get respect
Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect”
M.C.A. was with it and he’s my ace
So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face
The piano player’s out, the music stopped
His boy had beef, and he got dropped
Mike D. grabbed the money, M.C.A. snatched the gold
I grabbed two girlies and a beer that’s cold.
Holy fuck, how does a 23-year old have fat wrinkles around her fucking knees?
Holy crap!!! This guy is out of control. HELLO KATE! Time to sue for sole custody. If she doesn’t after this than she is a horrible mother. Get over wanting to host a talk show and take care of your damn kids!
@39 – goddamit, you beat me to it. :-D
HEY#52…Don’t give up your day job and get theb #*^$%# off the comment page with your ego massaging crap “lyrics”
NINE TIMES or NINE STROKES
OK, this is really discusting, even though this is the hottest chick, by far, that he has ever been publicy involved with. This guy is making me sick.. All he care about or thinks with is his penis. He is really a dog, and not a Man.
Seriously who the hell keeps an exact count of how many times they have had sex? If it’s greater than two or three times (i.e one night stand zone), most people don’t bother keeping count.
ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, EW!
J-Goss, you are truly my hero.
I don’t know, nor understand why famous men even bother with regular women.
It is always better to just hire a hooker. Professional hookers know how to keep their mouths shut.
None prostitutes, if you can find any these days just can’t be trusted to keep secrets.
And the sad part about it really is that most prostitutes will insist on having protected sex.
Whereas the female that you may meet at a bar, or at a grocery store won’t…. ARTOFWAR
I don’t know, nor understand why famous men even bother with regular women.
It is always better to just hire a hooker. Professional hookers know how to keep their mouths shut.
None prostitutes, if you can find any these days just can’t be trusted to keep secrets.
And the sad part about it really is that most prostitutes will insist on having protected sex.
Whereas the female that you may meet at a bar, or at a grocery store won’t…. ARTOFWAR
I couldn’t help but notice that her shoes in the ‘ass frame’ pics are tattered and dirty, and she’s wearing the same cheap JC Penney skirt in both pics. The girl isn’t tragic looking, but her tacky get-ups look like cheap homemade porn quality.
I hope the tabliods gave her money for new clothes.
this girl is TRASH!!!!!!!! She likes to hang out at gas stations with car people in Lancaster. Get some class fugly!!
What’s going to be the big story about Jon next week? I don’t think many of us are surprised by these stories anymore. We get it, he’s a “newly” single guy who spent 10 years with a crazy wife and 8 toddlers. He just needs to get out of the press and stop drawing attention to himself. Mady and Cara are probably so embarrassed every day at school. It’s just a matter of time before one of Jon’s girlfriends becomes pregnant!