Jon Gosselin’s nanny cashes in: ‘We had sex nine times’

Jon Gosselin’s penis better learn to shoot copious amounts of child support payments because it’s apparently got him in trouble again. Stephanie Santoro, the nanny he hired back in August that led to Kate flipping out and being escorted off the property by cops, is cashing in and selling tales of her sexual escapades with Jon to the tabloids. PopEater reports:

Santoro, 23, tells In Touch Weekly that their steamy fling began one night with an innocent phone call where Jon asked her to come over. Santoro says that Jon asked if she could give him a massage, and then he was like, ‘my turn.’ While we were sitting there, he said, ‘Well, I guess we can kiss just once.'”
Santoro says that night, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.” The two then made their way to Jon’s hot tub, where Santoro says she “kept looking at the windows” because she was afraid “one of the kids was going to pop their heads out, but he told me to relax.”
She goes on to call Gosselin “very romantic,” saying after they got out of the hot tub, Jon “ran in to make sure all of the kids were asleep, and we went back into the apartment that is over the garage. We continued what was going on in the hot tub, and then he fell asleep afterward.”
After their first hook-up, Santoro says the ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ star texted her several times “saying how much he cared about me, and he was being really sincere. He just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was being used. I pretty much spent every night there that entire week. And that’s how our relationship started.”
Santoro then goes into TMI territory about their relationship, saying they had sex “nine times,” and that Gosselin “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.”

Stephanie’s mom Marci is getting in on the act also and tells RadarOnline that Jon threatened to kill himself which he denies but Stephanie allegedly saved all his texts:

“He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore,” Marci told “He said to her, ‘I’m just going to kill myself, I’m just going to end it all.'”

In Jon Gosselin’s defense, I’m pretty sure he was just angling for a mercy fuck. That said, I’m suspicious of this whole story. Mostly because there’s no mention of riding on the back of his ATV to Make-Out Point for 90 seconds of awkward sex. You know, the kind that ends with “Here’s a check. Don’t tell anybody.” How’s that working out for you, Jon?