Jon Gosselin’s penis better learn to shoot copious amounts of child support payments because it’s apparently got him in trouble again. Stephanie Santoro, the nanny he hired back in August that led to Kate flipping out and being escorted off the property by cops, is cashing in and selling tales of her sexual escapades with Jon to the tabloids. PopEater reports:
Santoro, 23, tells In Touch Weekly that their steamy fling began one night with an innocent phone call where Jon asked her to come over. Santoro says that Jon asked if she could give him a massage, and then he was like, ‘my turn.’ While we were sitting there, he said, ‘Well, I guess we can kiss just once.’”
Santoro says that night, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.” The two then made their way to Jon’s hot tub, where Santoro says she “kept looking at the windows” because she was afraid “one of the kids was going to pop their heads out, but he told me to relax.”
She goes on to call Gosselin “very romantic,” saying after they got out of the hot tub, Jon “ran in to make sure all of the kids were asleep, and we went back into the apartment that is over the garage. We continued what was going on in the hot tub, and then he fell asleep afterward.”
After their first hook-up, Santoro says the ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ star texted her several times “saying how much he cared about me, and he was being really sincere. He just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was being used. I pretty much spent every night there that entire week. And that’s how our relationship started.”
Santoro then goes into TMI territory about their relationship, saying they had sex “nine times,” and that Gosselin “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.”
Stephanie’s mom Marci is getting in on the act also and tells RadarOnline that Jon threatened to kill himself which he denies but Stephanie allegedly saved all his texts:
“He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore,” Marci told RadarOnline.com. “He said to her, ‘I’m just going to kill myself, I’m just going to end it all.’”
In Jon Gosselin’s defense, I’m pretty sure he was just angling for a mercy fuck. That said, I’m suspicious of this whole story. Mostly because there’s no mention of riding on the back of his ATV to Make-Out Point for 90 seconds of awkward sex. You know, the kind that ends with “Here’s a check. Don’t tell anybody.” How’s that working out for you, Jon?
a | September 16, 2009 at 11:11 am
gross. sad.
jjskck | September 16, 2009 at 11:12 am
Let’s be honest – this is BY FAR the nicest piece he’s gotten.
JustJess | September 16, 2009 at 11:13 am
She had to count the times they fucked – that is how great it was…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..
Jimbo | September 16, 2009 at 11:19 am
How the hell does such a dork with 8 kids get so much pussy? Did the 9 times they had sex add up to just 1 good sex? You know that little dick can’t be that good!!
Rancid | September 16, 2009 at 11:20 am
First pic – dog on the left
He’s not going to be smelling anything except rotten tuna for the rest of his life.
noogaloopagus | September 16, 2009 at 11:21 am
Let’s face it, this guy rolls ass. Why, I have no idea. I guess it’s like asking why a community organizer is now the President. It’s best if we don’t even ask…
ROUGH daddy | September 16, 2009 at 11:29 am
My grandpapy use to say: son? girls are a lot like dominos once you knock one, the rest will follow…
So the Almond eye Lothario, is using the oldest method in the book…
Gigi | September 16, 2009 at 11:37 am
Look at the modeling pics below. Does every skank now have a portfolio now?
Wisdom | September 16, 2009 at 11:40 am
Women are suckers for the pity fuck. I have done it myself, usually while drunk. Oh you poor baby…….Let me make it better…………..
All 7's | September 16, 2009 at 11:43 am
“Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.”
*********************************
Golden, just perfect. I feel like hopping in a hot tub right now.
LawnGnome | September 16, 2009 at 11:47 am
“Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.”
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve read this morning.
heyjeer | September 16, 2009 at 11:51 am
If this loser continues the way he is going, his ex is going to win the sympathy vote – totally.
Imagine being married to this passive dough boy wannabe party dude – turn even the nicest person into a wicked shrew.
KIKI | September 16, 2009 at 11:51 am
Nothing like getting your hot tube groove on in front of 16 pairs of impressionable eyes. Klassy!
Bay | September 16, 2009 at 11:53 am
Gross. Just gross.
Jenna | September 16, 2009 at 11:54 am
I think a certain wanna be model got some brains and realized she could get publicity and money from saying these (most likely false) things. Or it’s true and that’s why she did it. But honey: you will never be a model. Sorry.
Valerie | September 16, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Wisdom: Oh I know! Fallen for it myself, usually uglies or fatties whom I felt sorry for *shudder*
Melissa | September 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Um… sexual escapes? What the fuck? How come nobody ever proofreads anything at this joint?
TrannyGranny | September 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm
9 times eh? I wonder if he tried to paint Fiffy Sense tat on her back with semen?
Wisdom | September 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm
@ 17 Jon Gosslin knows how to work his ugly, no doubt about that. You have to give someone who tries so hard some credit. Keep him away from me when I am loaded! You guys might see my “modeling” pictures of Fish next!
whatever | September 16, 2009 at 12:12 pm
That girl is quite ugly. Jon, come on, you can get better than these nasty hoes!
gondola driver | September 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm
JESUS she’s gotta beak of a nose! I woulda kept hittin it too cause it had to have sounded like swan lake when she was cumming! HONK HONK OHHH HONNNK
Nano Second | September 16, 2009 at 12:29 pm
How many guys can get laid having 8 kids! Poor Kate and the eight having this going on.
sixpack | September 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Wow, who knew being porky AND looking like you have a slight case of downs syndrome could snag you some ass!
Valerie | September 16, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Wisdom: Ha! Fish totally seems like the type to play the Pity Fuck, too :D
Abigail | September 16, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@26 Oh please. Kate had it coming.
Abigail | September 16, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@ 22 nanosecond, I mean (not 26)
My point is Kate should have done more to please him. A marriage is about working at love. She deserves this
Oliver Chester The Molester Lester | September 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm
She should be worried it doesn’t become Jon and Stephanie plus 12.
Mister Bored | September 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Sad part… there’s probably more sex this dude has gotten and we’ll find out about it too. Ew.
Not looking forward to any of it. At least this one looks a bit more removed from the trailer trash than that other chick he’s hitting up.
Wisdom | September 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Valerie, LOL, I meant to say ON Fish, not of Fish, but damn, that was funny.
Jack | September 16, 2009 at 12:51 pm
The girl isn’t terrible looking, not at all…
but an “aspiring model?” She’s nothing to write home about, sorry.
Pontiac Co-Pilot | September 16, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Jon does seem to like em with a lil extra meat on em don’t he? And check out that bootie, is that frame standard door height?
KIKI | September 16, 2009 at 12:59 pm
@ 28- Every skanky “model” that this dude ever locks lips with will want to tell her story. The good part is that he is giving other losers good pick up lines if they need the mercy sex.
stupidass | September 16, 2009 at 1:21 pm
but did he go down on her???
WE ARE THE GENERAL PUBLIC, WE HAVE A NEED TO KNOW!!!
Nano Second | September 16, 2009 at 1:52 pm
#26
Jon should have had the balls to say hey Kate we need to fix our marriage and not just sulk and let all his anger build up until it was too late.
ever seen a cock in anger? | September 16, 2009 at 2:01 pm
# 34 nano second
I think Jon had more than just anger building up. Dude needed to get his jollies and Kate was obviously too much of a beeyotch to give it up regular like.
Valerie | September 16, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Wisdom, I saw that, but I gotcha anyway!
whatever! | September 16, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Read a headline that said “nanny says sex was just blah.” whatever! nine times??? it was so blah and mediocre you were just like racing out to do it again?
molly | September 16, 2009 at 2:18 pm
He looks, sounds and acts mentally deficient. Who would willing have sex with him?? and he has 8 kids??? hardly a catch. No woman worth having wants him. AND who told this girl she’s a model?? oh I get it….the photographer that she paid to take the glam shots. lolololol
Liz | September 16, 2009 at 3:15 pm
NINE TIMES…. Ferris has been absent….NINE TIMES
Darth | September 16, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Everything below her waist must be one giant genital wart by now.
Rhialto | September 16, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Despite his ‘i’m gonna kill myself’ trick.He didn’t reach the ten.
2for2true | September 16, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Man sees a little boy sitting on sidewalk, playing in horseshit:
Man: Little boy, what are you doing playing in horseshit?
Boy: I’m making a statute of Jon Gosselin!
Man: Ho ho ho ho ho! Why would you be making a statute of Jon Gosselin out of horseshit?
Boy: ‘Cause I don’t have enough horsehit to make a statute of Kanye West!
*rim shot*
Valerie | September 16, 2009 at 4:52 pm
42: that’s cute.
OldSchoolB-Boy | September 16, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I’m the Benihana chef on the SP12
I chop the fuck out the beats left on the shelf
You be like hello nasty where you been
It’s time you brought the grimy beats out the dungeon
I jumped outside the house with my Walkman on
I get so hyped when I hear this song
It’s gonna keep me happy like all day long
So go and talk shit cause it just makes me strong
Don’t grease my palm with your filthy cash
Multinationals spreading like a rash
I might stick around or I might be a fad
But I won’t sell my songs for no TV ad
Beatsie Beatsie Boys gettin live on the spot
Puttin all kinds of shame in the game you got
We keep the party movin to the broad day light
g.e.t.l.i.v.e. alright!!
Leia | September 16, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Why is she framing her flat arse and pale pudgy thighs in the third picture. Silly whore.
paul | September 16, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I guess I would tap that, but I would not let her frame any paintings.
pitbull | September 16, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Unfortunately for her those dogs are used to detect herpes.
Pilatunes | September 16, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Wisdom, Valerie, I am dying of cancer and could really use….*sobs*…some cheering up.
gaids | September 16, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I got 3/4 of the way through this and started to wonder why there was no mention of an ATV.
Thanks Superficial writer!
Nanosecond | September 16, 2009 at 6:42 pm
#35
Jon was too busy sulking to want to bang Kate. He resolved to jacking off to porn mags in the bathroom that he keeps tucked away in his tool box.