Because what’s the point of having eight children if they can’t get you laid and rich? Jon Gosselin and TLC settled their respective lawsuits today. The details of the settlement were confidential but he should be balls deep in sloppy America snizz in however much time it takes to exploit a small Asian child. E! News reports:
And by the sound of it, the deal not only will allow Kate Gosselin to resume her reality antics with an in-the-works spinoff show, but it seems to pave the way for the octodad also to make a return to TV.
“TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC.”
So when do we find out Jon signed over legal custody of his children to TLC? Or are they saving for that Christmas special when he tells Kate? “Wait, if you signed over your custody during the settlement, and I signed over my custody to get you kicked off the show, then that means… Ohmygod WE’RE FREE! Screw the divorce, do me under the tree, Jon! I put on some holiday weight the way you like it.”
Why did I just write erotic Gosselin fiction back there? No, wait, don’t answer that. Some stones are better left unturned.