Jon Gosselin sold his kids to pedophiles. Or something.

Michael Lohan’s tape recorder is back. Instead of targeting Lindsay and Dina, Michael’s selling private phone calls with Jon Gosselin to RadarOnline that reveal the Homely Humper’s ability to use horrible choices of words during a secretly recorded conversation. Via E! News:

On the true market for Jon & Kate Plus 8:
“I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it? It’s disgusting.”

On selling interviews to tabloids:
“It’s like a shopping game now. Because everyone knows I talked. So like, ‘Oh my God, he’s free game now cause TLC doesn’t give a fuck.’ They don’t! They haven’t said shit! What the fuck? Why the fuck didn’t I do this, like, months ago?”

On “fucking” TLC:
“They struck side deals and none of that money went to my kids. To leak that to the public? Oh my god, Michael, can you imagine? They’d be so fucked! Their stock would tank! That they stole from eight kids!”

On his penchant for choosing amazing friends:
“I’ve known you a couple weeks, and I like you…you know, but I don’t even know your past, Michael. Our relationship started a couple weeks ago. I don’t care about the past. I could care less. It’s the same with Hailey. She did all this shit in college, but I didn’t know her then. Our relationship started May 4. You know, it’s like, it’s irrelevant to me. So, you know, that’s how I’m gonna go.”

If anyone’s seen episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8 prior to the divorce, Jon Gosselin never said more than two words. But in this phone call and last night’s big finale, he’s literally going a mile-a-minute. I’m not saying the guy’s on coke, but I’m also not saying Kate shouldn’t count the kids after they’ve been with Jon.

KATE: 5, 6, 7- Hey, where’s that other one? The Asian-looking one.
JOEL: Daddy said Collin needed to move to Thailand so he can buy “happy sugar.”
KATE: WHAT? Gosselins, form ChildTron!
JOEL: But Collin was the leg.
KATE: Goddammit.

Photos: Splash News