Jon Gosselin sold his kids to pedophiles. Or something.

November 24th, 2009 // 32 Comments

Michael Lohan’s tape recorder is back. Instead of targeting Lindsay and Dina, Michael’s selling private phone calls with Jon Gosselin to RadarOnline that reveal the Homely Humper’s ability to use horrible choices of words during a secretly recorded conversation. Via E! News:

On the true market for Jon & Kate Plus 8:
“I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it? It’s disgusting.”

On selling interviews to tabloids:
“It’s like a shopping game now. Because everyone knows I talked. So like, ‘Oh my God, he’s free game now cause TLC doesn’t give a fuck.’ They don’t! They haven’t said shit! What the fuck? Why the fuck didn’t I do this, like, months ago?”

On “fucking” TLC:
“They struck side deals and none of that money went to my kids. To leak that to the public? Oh my god, Michael, can you imagine? They’d be so fucked! Their stock would tank! That they stole from eight kids!”

On his penchant for choosing amazing friends:
“I’ve known you a couple weeks, and I like you…you know, but I don’t even know your past, Michael. Our relationship started a couple weeks ago. I don’t care about the past. I could care less. It’s the same with Hailey. She did all this shit in college, but I didn’t know her then. Our relationship started May 4. You know, it’s like, it’s irrelevant to me. So, you know, that’s how I’m gonna go.”

If anyone’s seen episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8 prior to the divorce, Jon Gosselin never said more than two words. But in this phone call and last night’s big finale, he’s literally going a mile-a-minute. I’m not saying the guy’s on coke, but I’m also not saying Kate shouldn’t count the kids after they’ve been with Jon.

KATE: 5, 6, 7- Hey, where’s that other one? The Asian-looking one.
JOEL: Daddy said Collin needed to move to Thailand so he can buy “happy sugar.”
KATE: WHAT? Gosselins, form ChildTron!
JOEL: But Collin was the leg.
KATE: Goddammit.

Photos: Splash News

  1. first fail


  2. chick

    Hahaha, what a great commentary! This guy is really doing an amazing job for consistently sounding like an idiot.

  3. Aerialgreen

    Seems both Jon and Michael have created a douche loop that grows exponentially with each day passing…. poor poor +8 kids, they are better off on a vacation for the next couple of years, at least until his father has been forgotten by all media.

  4. qwert

    Yayyyy 4th!

  5. Eggy

    There are cool people doing interesting things in the world – why in the fuck do I keep coming back to this shitpit of a website again?


  6. John Galt

    @5 – The same reason the rest of us keep coming here – its the only site that occasionally has boobies that isn’t blocked by websense.


    I think Michael Lohan is just cutting his losses and going for the Biggest Douche in the Universe Award. It’s better to be the best at being a low-life jerkoff than nothing at all.

  8. Once again Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan are morons. Extreme shock. Put them in a Celebrity Death Match and end our pain.

  9. Rough's P.O.V.

    Something tells me Micheal Lohan would trade his mother up, just to get on one of the lifeboats during the submerging Titanic…

  10. Aerialgreen

    Also you can tell by this pictures that Jon is cutting a nasty open-sewer-like fart as he walks.

  11. abby

    Would anyone watch a Michael Lohan reality show?

  12. I dunno.. I think Jon Gosselin is kinda cool..

    It hurt alot to type that because I’m lying.

  13. who dat

    This guy is a FUCKIN MORON. There is no other way of classifying it. He impregnates a crazy bitch (8 times) and the sub-moronic class eat it up. Only in the United States. The rest of the world is laughing in disgust.

  14. whatever

    All I got from this is that Michael Lohan and a total asshole.

  15. rich parks

    What brand of coat is he wearing ?

  16. If jon and Kate wouldn’t have signed another contract with TLC in 2008 they would have been free to go to another channel. So perhaps it is Kate that has TLC by the balls?

  17. shesaidwhaat?

    Ya he may be a douche but that’s a cool coat he’s got. Anyone know where to get it?

  18. bary

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy so many people are interested in an ageless relationship.

    young girls want to have fun with 40+ man and young guys want to have fun with 40+ women.

    There are many sites focusing on this kind of relationships

    such as ======

  19. He's a fucktard

    Woah gettin thin on the top there sonny. If you shave it you’ll really look like an asian corky.

  20. DICK!

    Michael Lohan is a dick, no matter how you slice it.

  21. Secretly recorded conversation reveals that Michael Lohan is garbage.

  22. J. Williams


    If someone you knew was known for recording and selling conversations with other people, do you think it’s a good idea to strike up a private fucking conversation with that guy? Reap what you sow, you idiots.

  23. cc

    John Galt @6…thank it’s not blocked by Websense. I hate that thing.

    BTW, could he be any hipper. Trench coat with popped collar? Check! Fashionable, big sunglasses? Check! Smoke? Check. If he has a Walther PPK with a suppressor under the coat, he’d be … just awesome. OR, he’d by a huge douche trying desperately not to look the part. Probably the latter, come to think of it.

  24. LOL


  25. LOL



  26. Donkeh

    Secretly recording phone conversations is called Illegal Wiretapping and it’s a felony.

    Oh wait, his last name is Lohan.

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  28. mon

    I think he thinks he looks like Neo in this picture. You know, a fat, balding Neo.

  29. r4i

    Yes definitely he is balding and fat. But still has kept up to the style. The fact that his deeds do not ashame him is of quite a surprise to me. But then this is what he is about.

  30. r4i

    Hi Guy’s,
    I think Michael Lohan is just cutting his losses and going for the Biggest Douche in the Universe Award.

  31. its great that she is still rockin’ the bod but it is just too damn old and dusty, put it away Pam

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