Jon Gosselin: Master Hacker?

The Superficial / October 16, 2009

Jon Gosselin is getting seriously screwed by Stephanie Santoro. And not just in a dollhouse while the kids were sleeping. The one-time nanny is claiming that Jon confided in her that he was hacking into Kate’s e-mails and bank accounts, according to E! Online:

“Jon told me that he pretty much hacked into everything of Kate’s that he had access to,” she said. “Her online banking, that he had a trace on every single one of her emails so anytime she would get an email he would get a copy of it…He said that he had enough there that when the ball dropped he had enough to completely screw her over with everything.”

Okay, granted they’re going through a divorce, but honestly, how salacious could Kate’s e-mails be? Then again…

Dear Kate,

I’m thinking about saying Jon plotted 9/11. This might work for us.

Your Lawyer

It’s my time now, bitch!

- Balloon Boy

Dear Kate,

THERE’S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE SHRILL WHITE CHRISTIAN SHREW ON THE VIEW! I’LL FUCKING CUT YOU!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

P.S. CUT YOU!!

Dear Kate,

I’m reading your e-mails. Also, I’m out of gas for my ATV so I’m going to need $230,000 from the joint account. See you in court.

Jon

Dear Kate,

How do you feel about moving to Thailand? Might help us get around those lame child labor laws.

TLC

Dear Kate,

I can’t wait to yank that reverse mullet again.

Love forever,

The Superficial Writer

Wait, you weren’t supposed to see that last one. I mean, uh, Jon Gosselin framed me. You balding cock!