Jon Gosselin: Master Hacker?

October 16th, 2009 // 25 Comments

Jon Gosselin is getting seriously screwed by Stephanie Santoro. And not just in a dollhouse while the kids were sleeping. The one-time nanny is claiming that Jon confided in her that he was hacking into Kate’s e-mails and bank accounts, according to E! Online:

“Jon told me that he pretty much hacked into everything of Kate’s that he had access to,” she said. “Her online banking, that he had a trace on every single one of her emails so anytime she would get an email he would get a copy of it…He said that he had enough there that when the ball dropped he had enough to completely screw her over with everything.”

Okay, granted they’re going through a divorce, but honestly, how salacious could Kate’s e-mails be? Then again…

Dear Kate,

I’m thinking about saying Jon plotted 9/11. This might work for us.

Your Lawyer

It’s my time now, bitch!

- Balloon Boy

Dear Kate,


Elisabeth Hasselbeck


Dear Kate,

I’m reading your e-mails. Also, I’m out of gas for my ATV so I’m going to need $230,000 from the joint account. See you in court.


Dear Kate,

How do you feel about moving to Thailand? Might help us get around those lame child labor laws.


Dear Kate,

I can’t wait to yank that reverse mullet again.

Love forever,

The Superficial Writer

Wait, you weren’t supposed to see that last one. I mean, uh, Jon Gosselin framed me. You balding cock!


  1. Quagmeyer

    What an Ass Clown.. Can’t wait for these losers to get off the fame train and try being parents again…

  2. Irene Barcelo

    This man is the biggest jerk on the face of the planet.

  3. spicy

    this news… not so spicy. ugh.
    i miss the days when i would watch jon and kate plus 8 and just go crazy with cuteness over the kids like i enjoyed it so much i wanted to see them grow up. this has just gotten to the extremes of terrible.

    and now, from watching jon and kate plus 8 through the years, i do not ever want to have kids. id like to thank mr and mrs gosselin for teaching me a very wonderful lesson.

  4. kristy

    Have I told u lately that I love you

  5. Cortez

    Rock on Jon! Kate is such an uptight anal beyotch.

  6. barf

    This douchebag couldn’t hack a pile of lunchmeat on the counter with a machete.

  7. I wish I were rich so I could get fat and ppl would still want to fuck me. Well, gotta go get on that treadmill….orrrrr….how much are fertility drugs?

  8. Autumn

    I just laughed so hard in my cubicle. Balloon Boy is a vomiting a-hole.

  9. Cara

    Stephanie Santoro is the one who needs to get off the fame train.

    As for Jon and Kate, it’s their lives. Whatever they are doing to screw each other in the divorce is only for publicity as well.

    The only ones, whether Kate goes on Today show crying again or not, that are getting hurt out of this are the kids.

    What a bunch of fucking idiots.

  10. Max Planck

    Smokers suck.

  11. Rodham

    What ever happend to “Father Knows Best?”

  12. Goose

    … yeah well he didn’t like it either when she cut off his balls on national TV..!!!!!

    They deserve each other at this point….

  13. havoc

    Oh…..I thought by “hack”, you meant with an axe.

    Duped again….


  14. RB

    Fish, this is one of your best posts in ages…

  15. dude

    Best Fish comments ever. I’m literally laughing out loud here. Fuckin ‘ A, Nice Job man.

  16. French Boy

    Whatever they say about you Jon, you are still one of the hottest men alive and you can sit on my face and let me rim that hot, tight asshore of yours anytme, and use my navel as your ashtray and jizz recipient.

  17. Jaime Lannister

    Bwahahahaha XD

    This is why I come to the superficial. Funniest writing around.

  18. That’s some funny stuff Superficial.

  19. Rhialto

    If this all is true then he’s in serious trouble.

  20. sexchill

    Hey I just find a millionaire boyfriend at Try this site out if you want a wealthy lifestyle too!

  21. Darth

    Breaking in in somebody’s online bank account is a pretty serious offense.

  22. I bet Kate would unleash a fury on some weener right about now.

  23. Stephanie Santoro, who claimed to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin, alleges Jon hacked into Kate Gosselins Email, phone records, and online bank accounts. A statement was released for Kate by Schnader Harrison Segal & Lewis, her Philadelphia law firm: Picture of Stephanie Santoro Claims Jon Gosselin Hacked Kate Gosselin.

  24. lol. just because he’s asain?

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