Jon Gosselin just got f-cked in the divorce

December 18th, 2009 // 77 Comments

Jon and Kate Gosselin’s divorce was just finalized this morning and there’s a pretty good chance Jon’s going to need that gun he just bought. For his mouth. TMZ reports:

We’ve learned under the arbitrator’s award, Jon must make huge child support payments — we’re told 5 figures a month. And here’s the problem. TLC has now shut down Jon’s ability to take outside jobs. The irony — he did himself in.
We’ve also learned Jon was charged every penny of the $235,000 that he withdrew from their joint account. That amount was deducted from his piece of the settlement.
As for Jon’s claim that Kate should be docked for money she withdrew … we’ve learned Jon struck out. The arbitrator determined every penny she withdrew was for the benefit of the kids.

Of course the child support issue will probably be resolved now that Jon has no choice but to either a.) drive off a cliff or b.) willingly allow Kate and TLC to film Kate Plus 8 which is really what this has always been about: The safety and emotional well-being of the children. Keeping Kate Gosselin’s mug on TV so she can narrate shit in that monotone voice.

Photos: Fame

  1. Annie

    hahahahah. loser.

  2. Kim

    Freedom isn’t free. No matter the cost he has to pay, it’s worth every penny to dump that horrid Kate.

  3. Lauren

    he can always sell his chub

  4. venom666


    As an American male, give me ONE, just ONE reason why ANY MAN should EVER get married?

    I mean you women try to impress us before we get married. Once we give you a ring you get all fat and lazy! When you get married, you are then “entitled” to 50% or more of our earnings?

    And you wonder why American men don’t want to be married. Really, you are that DUMB to still ask that question today?

    Marriage is for losers and stupid men.

  5. Captain Obvious

    Do you want to know why divorces are so expensive?

    Answer: Because they’re worth it.

  6. Samela


    Ooooh baby, woo me some more. Why, a man of your caliber is exactly the type that I can only dream to marry. I can only hope that when I become overweight due to birthing your offspring or “lazy” because I didn’t manage to get both the dishes done AND dinner on the table after working my fulltime job that I can have someone like you to hurl insults at me. And I’m a woman, so there’s no possible way that I could ever earn as much or more than you, you big strong man you. How petty of me to think that I’m entitled to half of our joint assets should I ever get sick of your shit and decide to leave you.

  7. Nanotyrannus

    I see some amateur porn in someone’s fuuuuutuuuuurrrrrree…..

  8. GOOD he’s a FAG anyways nothing but a fat piece of shit who thinks he’s worth something and now he really is worth anything… like literally…..

  9. Greg

    Of course he has to pay! He has a penis…
    The man gets the shaft (no pun intended) 99.99999% of the time in these situations! The woman almost always gets the kids and the money and the man is left with virtually nothing! Even if the woman decides to cheat and leave, she usually ends up with the kids and the cash.
    There is no justice for men in America when it comes to divorce!

  10. annie

    venom666 –

    your post just screams lonely, and that’s sad. hopefully you don’t die alone.

  11. silverduece

    There both to blame.
    That BITCH is hiding behind those kids.
    This is everything wrong with Society.
    Lets Revolt!
    Who’s with Me!

  12. venom666

    @ #6 Samela

    Just keep opening that big flap of yours, you only prove my point further.

    That lovely, big, sassy, opinionated American woman mouth, oooh, us guys just LOVE that. Especially since you can’t back it up. Even I can take care of a kid, and if you are going to say “Oh but you can birth a child” that’s biology sweetheart. All you have to do is spread your legs and your body does the rest, WOW, I am so bummed I can’t birth a child…. NOT!

    I can cook better than most women.
    I clean as well.
    I make more money than you.

    So, Smella, tell me once again WHY I need to marry?

  13. venom666

    @ #6 Samela

    Just keep opening that big flap of yours, you only prove my point further.

    That lovely, big, sassy, opinionated American woman mouth, oooh, us guys just LOVE that. Especially since you can’t back it up. Even I can take care of a kid, and if you are going to say “Oh but you can birth a child” that’s biology sweetheart. All you have to do is spread your legs and your body does the rest, WOW, I am so bummed I can’t birth a child…. NOT!

    I can cook better than most women.
    I clean as well.
    I make more money than you.

    So, Smella, tell me once again WHY I need to marry?

  14. bob

    I’m glad he got screwed. Kate was tough with him because she had to be. You only need to see the episode where she was the the American Chopper cast to see how she reacts to a actual man. Their marriage would have been completely different if Jon had grown up before he tried to live with a woman.

    She’s still cute and very doable whereas he is a national laughing stock/douche.

  15. ballz


    What is this? some follow fat, ugly people site… for fucks sake- this guy is nothing and doesn’t deserve any mentions or posts- UNLESS he is with a hot naked lady.

    NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Tiger Woods

    *shudders in the dark*

  17. Sardonic

    Kate may be a royal cunt but this pudgy douche sophomoric wannabe is The Biggest Loser. Pray for the kids. They’re going to need it.

  18. speirto

    Hey Lemon666, YOU don’t need to worry about getting married and shouldn’t get married, so don’t worry about it sweetie, you’ll be saving some woman a lot of pain by avoiding it, assuming she’d ever see past your self absorbed illusion of self worth to get past a few gagging couple of months of a relationship with you.

    You’re too sexy for your shirt.

  19. bobo

    TARA REID NUDES PLEASE!!! Saving my last squirt of the day for the special occasion

  20. Max Planck

    Smokers suck!

  21. BEAM

    Any man who gets married these days is an idiot and deserves exactly what he gets.

  22. jen

    venom666 and samela should bump uglies. DOOO IT!

  23. venom666


    Still waiting on that ONE reason for any man in America to get married.

    None of you can come up with any reason. Instead you make statements like “Screams loneliness” or the holier than thou “Save a woman a lot of pain”

    Great come backs “women”. I am totally missing out on marriage aren’t I? Exposing my money, dealing with your big mouths and fat bodies .Wow, I am SO envious of my married/divorced friends who tell me daily “DUDE, DON’T GET MARRIED! I am poor now and I have no sex life and my wife yells at me every day”

    Wow, the envy I have of those married peeps…..

  24. bob


    “Marriage is for losers and stupid men.”

    Actually, marriage is for adults. Males who want to remain adolescent for their entire lives will have a hard time in marriage. If they just want a woman as a personal whore who brings them food and cleans the house, and raises the children they both had, there will be strife. In such a case the male is still nursing at his mother’s breasts only the breasts belong to his wife. When a male grows up, he doesn’t look to the woman as did when he was a child. He now cares for the woman, rather than the other way around.

    Marriage requires commitment, putting others first (forever), doing things which you might not want to do but need doing. All of these traits are completely foreign to the adolescent mind.

  25. Too F'n Bad

    Looks like someone’s going to be spending plenty of time in debtor’s prison. Otherwise known as the Obamacare Health Plan.

  26. Jen

    bob AKA #24. I love you.

  27. annie

    venom –

    No one is making you get married. If you don’t want to, then don’t. No one cares either way. If someone else gets married, then let them. What’s the big deal? Why do you need an explanation for why other people get married if it doesn’t mean anything to you? Obviously some people get married for the WRONG reasons because half of marriages end in divorce – so alot of people don’t even judge marriage correctly.
    If the single lifestlye is for you, then fine. Just like you can’t understand the reason people want to get married, maybe people who want to get married can’t understand why you would want to stay single. Just do what ever makes you happy and accept that other people want to do what makes them happy too.

  28. Quite rightly


    From what I’ve heard from some older male friends of mine, as men age they tend to look more for a companion, a partner to talk to and bond with rather than just pleasurable company. Now do you need marriage to achieve that? Absolutely not; there are loads of meaningful, lasting relationships that hold strong without that ever-so-common rite of passage. I’d like to think that most people go into marriage with the best intentions and hopes of it working out but obviously, some couples are far less prepared than others.

    And while we’re on marriage, I’ve been having a similar argument in my mind these past few days on why WOMEN in America should ever bother getting married if often they will have chosen a man who initially thinks he is prepared for a lifetime committment, only to shatter that vow with however many infidelities and a general feeling of discontent throughout? Then I remembered: not all marriages are that way. I’m truly not one for marriage, like you, but it should be recognized that at some point the need for security and companionship will creep up on us…whether we choose to deal with that via marriage or not it is always on you and your partner to put in the effort. And if ultimately you’re unhappy, then end it. Simple.

  29. venom666

    You dolts are missing the POINT!

    1. Why does the man have to expose his $ to a woman, ever? I understand that a housewife, if their is such a thing in today’s economy, should never be kicked to the curb if she stayed at home, raised the kids, and lost any ability to earn money herself. However, I have not seen this in a long time.

    2. 50% of American marraiges end in divorce.

    3. Why does the MAN have to buy a woman some huge ring and he gets a band?

    4. Why shouldn’t a wedding be paid for 50/50 by the bride and groom’s parents?

    5. Why does the man have to give up his money 50% if he gets a divorce? Did Tiger Woods’ wife have the skill to earn millions? No! Why does she get half for staying at home, with a NANNY that cooks, cleans etc. etc.

    What I am saying is who the hell created these rules? Why does the woman get so much out of a marriage and the man get’s squat? Most of it has to do with our stupid American greed culture, but I have traveled abroad and seen Asian and Latin countries excel and marriage and keeping families together.

    So, that is the reason for my rant. Women cannot give a reason for men in America to get married today, instead the spew non existent insults our way. Even look at TV, the woman is the brains, the guy is the idiot, but in reality it is the other way around.

    So, once again, MARRIAGE IS FOR IDIOTS!

  30. annie

    venom –

    no point in arguing with you. you sound like a little kid who doesn’t understand why grown-ups get married.

    p.s. ever heard of a prenup?

  31. Cristina

    We both paid for our wedding ourselves- no parents. I make much more than my husband. We’re actually happy. I think you’re thinking inside some outdated box- but unless you’ve experienced the kind of relationship that you WANT to progress into a marriage, then I guess you wouldn’t understand or consider these things. You two make your own rules- there is no one and only way to do marriage. Why get married? Because you want to!

  32. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Huh? In this day and age you STILL know brides whose parents pay for their weddings??? Every couple I know who is married paid for their own wedding, including me (bride half, groom half).

    In my humble opinion there is only ONE reason people (male or female) should get married: If they want to have children. And lets face it, Jon and Kate had em in spades!

    I have a few snarky un-married friends who make jokes that i got “suckered” into getting married and they “didnt fall into The Trap” Then when they get Christmas cards from me with my daughters pic on them they weep and wail and tell me how they’re selfish fools who are porbably gonna “die alone”.

  33. Your Mom

    Oh Venom…is it dark in Mommy’s basement (I mean it’s like your own place right, cause you have two totally separate living areas)? I could see why the concept of marriage perplexes you…I mean the closest thing you’ve gotten to a chick is a noctural emisson is Mom’s bed when she was out of town.

    It’s cool though…

  34. venom666

    “Then when they get Christmas cards from me with my daughters pic on them they weep and wail and tell me how they’re selfish fools who are porbably gonna “die alone”.”

    Interesting. I know parents who’s children are too busy to even send a Christmas card. I know parents who’s kids are in prison for commiting murder. I know parents who’s kids only ask for money and tell their parents to screw off.

    The list goes on and on. “Die alone” is one comment my friend makes all the time as a valid argument. I tell him “Marriage guarantee’s nothing. Love changes and is dynamic. Your kids may or may not care about you. We ALL die alone.”

    So funny how blindly optimistic married people are when statistics and reality shut them up completely. Marriage may work for some people, I just haven’t met those people in America.

  35. Fruity

    Venom, we hear you brother. Marriage is not for everyone. My wife and I spent 10 year with each other before we got married. Chasing after pussy is fun and all, but time marches on. Eventually you get tired of the bar and social scene. You get older and new young handsom guys are getting the grade A girls.

    Here’s a tip though. Marry your friend, not some bimbo because “she’s so hot”. The cute girl next door is where it’s at my friend. When you find a woman who you can just be yourself with. Who wants to see the latest action movie instead of some chick flick. Who like to do all the freak nasty things you like in bed. Who likes cars or sports the way you do. Who is educated and has a good job, and still wants to cook you dinner after she comes home. When you find HER, she’ll be worth her weight in gold.

    Life is risk, yeah, you might get a divorce down the road and lose half yer stuff. As you get older the money you have doesn’t seem as important. When you’re your young and hungry you have a hording mentality to the money, but not as much when you get older.

    Most chicks want to get married, it’s just the way it is. Its part of a woman’s mindset. Its re-enforced by her biologically and socially, they most likely also want a kid for the same reasons. But I promise you, after a good day, with a steak dinner she made you, and a great movie you both watched and loved, and talked about your favorite subject, and then she says “lets go to bed, and do that really dirty thing you like to do, I didn’t think I would like it, but now, I really like doing it with you, now that you showed me how” you wont care if its going to cost 50% of your junk. You can’t take it with you anyway.

  36. havoc

    I look at it the same way #2. No matter what child support I pay, it’s worth every penny not to have to wake up next to that bitch ever again.


  37. Betty Nuggs

    @ vemon666

    I am fairly certain you won’t have to worry about getting married. Although you sound like an amazing catch.

  38. jake


    dude pull the tampon out and shut the hell up already.

  39. Slappy "Iron-Balls" McGintey

    Funny…it’s either he’s wrong or she’s wrong????
    I guess everyone forgets the most important issue here..
    THE KIDS..
    I say lock those 2 morons up ( Kate & Jon ) for child abuse/neglect and put the kids in foster care…neither one deserves custody…and if they have the humane society!…
    then watch the fun begin!

  40. Anon

    #31 I think Venoms point is if you got divorced the fact that for once the roles are reversed and you earn more money it would be your husband who pays. Society is still living in an outdated box where marriage is Whats mine is your and whats your is mine but divorce is whats the husbands is the wifes and whats the wifes is the wifes.

    I believe this is called equality,

  41. Kate

    Fat, bug-eyed, smoker gook.

    Holy fuck, ladies, don’t all open your legs at once!

  42. Accounts

    Hey Venom the American divorce laws were created back when women were considered property and had limited education and employment options. That was over 100 years ago and while the times have changed the laws have not. Today it doesn’t make any sense to have kids unless you are very poor or extremely wealthy. The child support payments in America are based on your previous income not on your current income and have nothing to do with the actual child rearing expenses.

  43. Lauren


    I don’t understand how the failure of douchebag and possumhead’s marriage means that all marriages are terrible. If you go into a marriage with warped expectations, then yeah, your marriage will suck. But marriage is not for everyone. My husband and I love being married. As far as the right reason to get married, that comes down to what you want your life to look like when you meet the right person.

  44. Again

    Again, I am STILL waiting for a solid reason to be married?

    What can you accomplish with a piece of paper that says “WE ARE MARRIED” over simply saying “We are married.”

    Being with someone because you love them does not require the “business” of marriage. One with lawyers and expenses, rule and regulations etc.

    So, what ALL of you have missed, is the reason why you should get married? There is none. Be with someone you love as I do and simply avoid marriage completey Guess what, it WORKS!

  45. mfbinc

    As a guy who went through a divorce in PA, all i can say is…..the courts hate men. especially if your ex wife whines and cries that she has no money.

  46. 'Slinger

    Venom’s right though. He sounds too angry in saying it, but marriage is a highly risky business decision. You can say its about love,, and that is true, but the fact is that whether it was love or not, the business should come first.. The truth is, whether it works out or not, it is highly risky for men, as men almost never come out of a divorce with a fair shake. Its almost indisputable that men come out of marriage poorer than they went in, and women come out richer, or at least with more future guaranteed income. If you look at it from a rational business point of view, men would probably not do it. The day she married tiger woods, she was set for life, even if she told him she hated his guts the very next day, she would still be set for life, and what had she done for him by that point? She is beautiful, and probably highly intelligent and thoughtful and funny- she looks that way-but banging her for 6 years was not worth paying her a pension of $300,000,000. Tiger’s getting screwed, another woman gets over in the divorce discrimination arena.

  47. Freedom always has a price to pay, well Jon Gosselin, has got the freedom and he is paying the price too.

  48. James

    Woo more proof that heterosexual marriage is a sacred infallible institution* that would be utterly destroyed** by same sex marriage!

    *guaranteed to protect children, provide them with the most perfect role models available, and guarantee stable emotional well being.

    ** thus causing the whole of civilization to crumble into dust while the oceans boil and plagues blanket the earth.

  49. Roissy Fan


    You’re right, but you’re wasting your time. The screaming harpies and manginas that populate this site will never acknowledge that US divorce laws shaft men.

    So of course the right response is “don’t get married”. Sleep with women of course, but marry them? Feh! You’d be a fool to do so in America.

    Superfish used to be funny. Now he’s just a leftist tool. I’m done with this site.

  50. Cat

    The reason to get married to if you want to be with that person and spend your lives together.

    To venom, the reasons to actually get married instead of just saying you’re married are:

    * tax benefits, when you file jointly
    * estate planning benefits, including inheritance rights
    * government benefits, including receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for your spouse
    * employment benefits, such as obtaining health insurance through your spouse’s employer and the right to take medical leave to care for a spouse who becomes ill
    * decision-making benefits, including the right to make medical decisions if your spouse is incapacitated
    * financial support, including equitable property division in a divorce
    * consumer benefits, such as family rates for health, homeowners’, auto, and other types of insurance.

    Is that the type of answer you wanted? The bottom line is marriage isn’t for everyone and obviously not you.

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