Jon Gosselin & Hailey Glassman are your new Heidi & Spencer

Considering TLC is suing Jon Gosselin up the anus, it’s no surprise he spent the weekend with Hailey Glassman mugging for the paparazzi to make some extra money. Now, I don’t know what’s sadder: that somebody’s actually using Heidi & Spencer as a business model, or that these shots almost make me miss Fleshbeard and Chins McJugs. Call them the vapid taint of civilization, but at least they were photogenic. — Goddammit, Jon, now look what you made me say. I hope Hailey has 100-tuplets and gets a reverse mullet, you doughy bastard. Don’t talk to me.