Jon Gosselin dumped Hailey Glassman

Because there’s never a shortage of mediocre trim in America (Thanks, fast food!), Jon Gosselin has parted ways with Hailey Glassman who, in one last act of submission, participated in a carefully planned publicity campaign to make Jon look like he’s going on a deep, spiritual quest. People reports:

Still, a source told PEOPLE, “This was all a carefully orchestrated sequence: First, Hailey laments how hard her life has been lately and how bad Jon treats her, then Jon repents. Next, Jon plans to announce that he is going to be spending some time alone.”
The source added, “It has all been designed so that it doesn’t seem as though Hailey got dumped.”

Of course this plan will inevitably fall apart considering Jon Gosselin has all the discretionary skills of a live grenade. No, really, by Monday morning I guarantee we’ll be hearing first person accounts of Jon seducing women in an Applebee’s parking lot. “He said he’d get me my own reality show but all he did was steal my doggie bag after 30 seconds of intercourse. 25 of which he spent telling me to demean him until he got an erection. ‘In Kate’s voice! IN KATE’S VOICE!’

Photos: Splash News