Jon Hamm’s Penis Might Be Single

“Please, do not try to run, Ms. Bullock. Gojira of the Pants has chosen you.”

According to tabloid reports, Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt have broken up after 16 years because apparently even her Kryptonian cervix can only take so much. But before you get too excited, you’re going to have to wait for Sandra Bullock to die from a hole in her back because In Touch claims she’s the reason for the split and not that monogamy only made sense when people were doing in their 30s. The human mind was never built to have conversations about curtains longer than that. It’s unnatural.

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