Jon Hamm Needs A Girlfriend

Jon Hamm’s real life persona has always struck me as an outcasted lumberjack with a forbidden love for woodland husbandry. In a recent interview with InStyle, he reminds everyone how little of a shit he gives about being a celebrity, calling selfies “masturbatory”, discussing how he chooses his roles for art over money, and how being single is hard for him- wait…

How fun is single life for a perennial on those sexiest-man-alive lists? Hamm looks down at the table. “It’s fine,” he says before adding quietly, “It’s hard. It’s hard to be single after being together for a long time. It’s really hard. It sucks.”

Mind you, this guy has been ranking on those “Top 50 Actors Even Straight Dudes Would Blow” lists for almost a decade, so the fact that he has not fully swamped himself in a tarpit of yoni* is beyond me. I get that his split with Jennifer Westfeldt was tough, but that was over two years ago – Hammbone needs to embrace the fact that he cries when he watches ballet and show off that Draper he’s hiding in his pants more often. *Thanks, Gwyneth

It’s been a while since we’ve seen pictures of the outline of his giant penis, so I assume maybe he started wearing briefs… giant briefs…