Jon Gosselin Waits Tables Now

September 12th, 2013 // 29 Comments
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Not too long ago, life was incredible for Jon Gosselin. His shrew wife left him, making him only partially responsible for the eight children she defied science and God to make fall out of her, and it was an endless parade of having sex with (un)beautiful women on the back of an ATV. They say, he would literally take the form of an airbrushed dragon and plow you next to a gun wrapped in roses. “Fucksession, by Ed Hardy,” he’d whisper in your ear. But then, slowly, the money stopped coming in thanks to giving Kate the exclusive TV rights to the kids so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. And now he’s reduced to waiting tables, an empty shell of the man he once was with a Bluetooth no longer proudly perched on his head letting you know his phone calls are super important, but still keep them panties off. Radar reports:

The one-time TLC star has taken a job waiting and bussing tables at Emily’s pub in Beckersville, Pa., leading one source close to the father-of-eight to declare, “Jon has really hit rock bottom.
“Just a few years ago, he was jetting off to France to hobnob in St. Tropez, sipping champagne on a yacht,” a source told the National ENQUIRER of the former reality star. “Now he’s waiting tables at a pub!
“Working the weekday lunch shift, he can’t possibly be taking home more than $40 or $50.”
When an ENQUIRER reporter asked Jon, who divorced his wife Kate Gosselin in 2009, what he was doing there, he said was there to volunteer, and left it at that.

In Jon Gosselin’s defense, working at a restaurant is always a pussy bonanza, so I’m willing to believe he’s just there volunteering. And by volunteering I mean sauntering in and moving plates around until someone gives him a handjob in the walk-in and/or calls the cops. They already have his picture up at Cracker Barrel.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. would dine and dash if he was my waiter.

  2. JC

    So wait, you mean to tell me that having a uterus cannon and/or being the guy who loads the uterus cannon isn’t enough to ensure long-term financial success? Maybe this crazy world will make it after all.

  3. Cock Dr

    Good for Jon getting a real job. Tip him well people of PA.
    But please blogger….no more florid descriptions of him having sex. My stomach just can’t take it.

  4. Beltliner

    The National Enquirer…? Is your source on this reliable?

  5. it had to be said

    Meh. The fact that he rolled with the shit show that was his life doesn’t mean he can’t redeem himself with some honest work. More than his ex-wife will do.

  6. Roberta

    JC, “uterus cannon” just made my day. Hats off to you :-P

  7. Still better than being married to Kate Gosselin.

  8. EricLR

    Is it wrong that I know his kids’ names better than he does?

  9. If I had to give up everything I owned to live under an overpass, collecting cans for the deposit money, to get away from that crazy harpy, I’d do it in a minute, and wake up every morning for the rest of my life with a shit eating grin.

  10. lk

    “Fucksession, by Ed Hardy,” I laughed out loud

  11. “Pity the fool!” Good on him. If you’re there give him 20%+ in tips. I don’t think he ever wanted to have eight kids nor go on that reality show. That Mega Bitch actually believed her 15 minutes of fame would last forever.She actually fucked everyone that was trying to help her kids , neighbors and relatives. Those kids are going to be fucked up pains in the ass………………..Sad

  12. American Apparel wouldn’t hire him because he was too skanky.

  13. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ahh… relaxing by the pool… just another perfect da— say, what is that child doing over there…”

  14. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes, yes, I know… you want juice… ugh… go ask the butler…”

  15. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s right… run along… Oh GOD, another one!”

  16. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, shit… here come more of them…”

  17. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “NO! Stop touching me! They’re surrounding me! Shit… let me call Javier….”

  18. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Commented on this photo:

    “Listen you little shits! Javier’s on his way to get me so just STAY BACK! STAY BACK I say!!! I have pepper spray!….”

  19. dontkillthemessenger

    I’d rather clean the Pub’s fucking toilet with my own toothbrush than spend 30 seconds around Satan’s Spawn… oops, I meant Kate Gosselin.

    • For a woman who has extruded a litter of eight from her nether region, physically speaking, Kate Goosedown isn’t all that disgusting (talk about a back-handed compliment). It’s a shame she is a gold-plated cunt.

  20. Considering that they just equated getting a regular job with “hitting rock bottom,” I kind of want to stab everyone involved.

  21. Alas, how the “not even close to”-mighty have fallen…On the other hand, if a beautiful woman were to remove her negligee, one might say, “At last, now the nighty has fallen.”

  22. The two words I always try to remember if I have fame thrust upon me by accident are: Humility and Annuity.

  23. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    stripperorphanage
    Commented on this photo:

    I think shes still hot
    Stripperorphanage@g

  24. Kate Gosselin Bikini Australia
    Kateishott
    Commented on this photo:

    I would love to get on top of that and bang her into next week!!!!!

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