Jon Cryer Looks Thrilled, Just Thrilled

February 1st, 2011 // 39 Comments

With Two and a Half Men officially on hiatus, poor Jon Cryer has nothing to do now but run around jogging with a face full of pure murder. Which is kind of stupid considering he works on a show that hands Charlie Sheen $2 million an episode, so there’s no way he should’ve assumed this thing wasn’t going to end in a tsunami of mangled beef and narcotics. In fact, he should consider himself lucky it went this long without him standing in the woods holding a shovel and a shower curtain while pretending, “The gun fell out of my pants, man,” is an entirely plausible story that rational adults would believe. Oh, wait:

I was downstairs one morning and Kelly [Preston] was upstairs. She went to move my pants, the gun fell out of the back pocket, hit the linoleum floor and discharged a round that, thank God, didn’t hit her directly. It hit the toilet that she was standing next to. She got hit with the porcelain shrapnel, and lead from the bullet itself. I heard the shot and rushed upstairs. There was Kelly in her underwear, holding her wrist and bleeding from several places. She was taken to the hospital and then released the same day with four stitches, two in her wrist and two in her calf. I took that particular weapon and threw it in the ocean because it had a vibe about it that was not healthy. Kelly agreed with me about that.”

- Charlie Sheen to Movieline, August 1990.

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News

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  1. dufresne

    I just felt like runnin……

  2. GravyLeg

    Sure he is just jogging. Don’t be surprised if Charlie is found garroted later today…

  3. ick-abod

    running off the disgust of having let one of Charlie’s angels suck him off. “Charlie said if I closed my eyes it would feel like Jake Harper.”

  4. Rough City, U.S.A.

    ♫Oh na na roughs the name…♫ Wonder whats he’s listening to?

  5. RoboZombie

    Dumbass! Throw your sorry ass in the ocean for being so stupid by leaving a loaded gun in an unsafe area!
    Shithead.

    • Dan

      I think you are missing the point… usually guns just don’t go off by being dropped. It was Charlie Sheen’s gun – which he then disposed of. *wink* Just sayin’…

      • Colin

        Yeah, what you should read that as is Charlie Sheen shot his fiance in the arm, threw away the weapon, and no one asked any questions. Because it was obviously just a misunderstanding.

      • RoboZombie

        Ohhhhhh…well i gotta be mad at somebody! Don’t I?
        ;^)

  6. jojo

    Jon has to keep in tip top shape, i mean Sarah Trigger could be anywhere, at anytime.

    • I was just thinking the same! Wasn’t Sheen terrified of her too, to the point of at one time taping without an audience at his request?

  7. “cryer”? seriously? (tear) lmao who knew charlie worked with such a sensitive sounding costar. one who’s comfortable in his masculinity jogging in speedos and.. nvm.. and we wonder y charlie takes a briefcase everywhere with him like the exorcist.

  8. pooter

    I like my beef all mangled

  9. Jenn

    At least he knows to zip down that pull over for the ‘cool factor’. You know cause otherwise he might look like a total nerd.

  10. Maximilian

    doesn’t he have a cock??let’s hope he knows his ample,otherwise running is no good for you..

  11. Incredible – what a rich, think running stream of bullshit. And he was oh so indignant 21 years ago about Gary Busey signing on to his dad’s movie after a head injuries because his behavior endangered the project, yet he’s fucking with everyone involved in his TV show because he refuses to admit he has a drug problem and go to rehab? That high horse just gets higher – which is kind of odd because he’s keeping all the blow for himself.

  12. I wouldn’t be too thrilled either if i was photographed looking like John Cryer. oh wait that is John Cryer.

    • Fabiaire

      Hey leave him alone, Duckie doesn’t deserve this kind of BS.

      • Cock Dr

        I agree.
        Hope Duckie banked his checks. The incredibly lucrative gig he’s got seems like it might be in danger of terminal collapse.

  13. Jon Cryer
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s wrong with how he looks? Is he supposed to be freaking SMILING when he’s running? Come on.

  14. Sure Ducky looks angry, but you try and smile jogging with a tuck job.

  15. dumbass

    Wait, Charlie Sheen has a drug problem? What’s the problem, did he run out of drugs?

  16. s'up bitches

    Preston went short time abuse victim to full fledged beard, kids and all. Looks like she moved on up to the East side! Hell, Sheen would scare me off of straight men too….

    • s'up bitches

      She sounds like a good kid. Sure, she murdered her oldest son, but she more than made up for it by shitting out another that was (hopefully) a lot less retarded!

  17. Rhialto

    I was just thinking what else could be hit accidentally when you carry a big gun in your pants? *Takes out big gun promptly with extra caution*

  18. Galtacticus

    Well, well ….. And why does Jon Cryer look thrilled?! Did i miss something?!

  19. Huh?

    How much does Jon Cryer make per episode of the show? It’s got to be in the $400k-$500k+ neighborhood. Honestly, if I missed out on being paid for 12 episodes (3 months sheen the jerk will be faking his in-house rehab; worth ~ $5-6 Million in income to Cryer) because of the selfish assholier than thou attitude of my co-star, I’d be seriously pissed off as well…

  20. captain america

    this way look american suïcide-bombers, folks!!

  21. Jon, that’s a piss-poor choice of splatter suit for going to strangle Sheen. They’re not even long pants!

  22. Coyote

    Check out those fist of fury, he is so manly. NOT

  23. Leave him alone

    He does Olympic distance triathlons and his easy training runs are at an 8:00 pace – doubtful that most of the commenters here could even come close to that. Yes, I’m a runner, so I’m sticking up for one of my own.

  24. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Yes yes, I love PRETTY IN PINK too….but as much as I hate to say the words out loud Jon Cryer peaked at 17. Ive tryed to watch every show hes come out with and they are all horrible. TWO AND A HALF MEN is a success and I just cant grasp the appeal. He must feel like he “stepped in shit” (in the good way) with that show..and now Charlies gonna blow it for him.

  25. Eatmycookie

    everybody chill the fuck out. you are all jealous of his success or homophobes, OR just plain FAT.

    prob just fat and lazy

    RUN, WALK, BIKE, JUST DONT WEAR STRETCH BIKEPANTS, GENTLEMAN, NOT A GOOD LOOK.

  26. DickSpiders

    Don’t forget he got to play Lex Luthor’s nephew in Superman IV.

    Why does everyone like the Ducky character? He was a nerdy, crybaby, pussy who wasn’t man enough to snag the gash of his choosing. Is it because you all relate to that? Fags!

  27. Jon Cryer
    pissin pete
    Commented on this photo:

    mmmm god he is gorgeous!

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