Johnny Depp is okay, I guess

December 4th, 2007 // 143 Comments

This one’s for you, ladies. Here’s Johnny Depp at the premiere of Sweeney Todd at the Zeigfeld Theater in New York City. I don’t see why women find him so attractive. Sure he’s rich, talented and has solid steel abs I could use for some blacksmithing. What do you mean that sounds a little gay? I’m only saying I’d pound out my red-hot broadsword on his abs instead of the traditional anvil. Then I’d go wrestle a dragon or something. I’m pretty sure that’s the most heterosexual and medieval mental picture I’ll ever paint in my entire life. A cowboy with ass-less chaps and a moustache wants to give me a high-five. That’s how straight it is.

NOTE: I also added pictures of Keith Richards because women freaking love him. Like this chick who seems to be having a ball carting his surprisingly alive carcass around.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News

  1. LayDeeBug

    96 – YOU ROCK!

    Sindiva has been pissing me and Shallow Val off. She’s liek I used to be 15 years ago, throwing these highfalutin words we AL:L know, but thinking it makes her/him sound so magnanimous, bringing some light into a life plagued with ennui. (See I can do it too!)

  2. LayDeeBug

    Mistress, where you been girl?

  3. Satanas

    100 –

    Fucking please……

  4. Satanas

    72 – Shut up whore

  5. TheTenia

    It’s nice to see most of the ladies see through #62′s nonsense. Yeah rich stirs shit but he’s funny.

  6. RichPort

    Googling ennui…

  7. LadyJane

    Rich, it’s hard to google when your fist is up my twat, darlin’.

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  9. woodhorse

    105: yeah love that. What are the chances of getting JD in bed while RP talks?

  10. pinky_nip

    Richport… the funny left this place when we all did. The fish is now lamer than Barbaro after a big race… (although that horse made one hell of a wood glue… some of the people in here could use it to fix the sticks up their asses.)

  11. woodhorse

    I get it. The not so subtle reference to a horse. Mentioning “wood” glue. FUCK YOU.

  12. pinky_nip

    Flatter yourself all you want woodhorse, I was in no way thinking of you. If I were, I would have said, Fuck you woodhorse, you’re about as funny as cancer.

  13. RichPort

    Hey, cancer is funny when it afflicts child rapists and the occassional rogue cop.

  14. RichPort

    Yea Jane stop moving so much… geez, seventeen orgasms and you’d think a girl is good… what are you a fucking machine? Getting it? FUCKING machine? I kill me…

  15. woodhorse

    Jesus Christ, I didn’t actually think you were. Next time you come out to play maybe you would refrain from removing the proverbial stick from your ass just because someone noticed you? I guess not. Any angry fuck can be an asshole but, by any means of self-delusion at your disposal, please congratulate yourself that you managed to post to one unfunny person among the millions, yourself included.

  16. Shrugs

    My friend had cancer and then he lost all his hair, we pointed at him and laughed, it was funny and it was cancer.

  17. RichPort

    A FIGHT!!! A FIGHT!!!

  18. Narcissist

    Actually I thought Depp was lookin pretty flabby in that last “Pirates”

    Aren’t those women with Richards vaguely famous?

    You know Keith Richards is YOUNGER than Harrison Ford? He’s also younger than Jack Lalanne!

    You know Depp is like 2 years younger than George Clooney?

  19. woodhorse

    Keith Richards is like someone you can one day tell your grandchildren about: “In my day there was this man that took so much drugs that his face melted off.”

  20. dmagickalone

    mmmmmmmmmmm thats all i can type right now.

  21. dmagickalone

    and now AHHH cause of that old guy. WTF. killed it for me and i was just getting started. DAMN IT!

  22. depp fan

    that is not the only british accent he can do.
    check : the corpse bride, charlie and the chocolate factory, sleepy hollow, the libertine, finding neverland.
    He can do many different accents.
    he is maybe one of the most versatile character actors… EVER!
    he is also a musician, a great father, and very cool IN PERSON.
    I have his autograph:-)
    I love him.

  23. pinky_nip

    #119: HAHAHAHAHA That was so fucking funny. I almost ruptured my spleen at your awesome observance! His face melted off! Oh my God… my sides!!!!

    And, by the way, the only stick I have up my ass is Richports.

  24. RichPort

    My stick up Pinky’s ass, my fist in Janey’s love tunnel… and here I am with three appendages left… line up ladies.. I have a mouth also…

  25. Cockninja

    This is some funny shit Rich, however you and Pinky are the only funny one’s here,.

    There’s something dank and hollow about this place. I can’t explain it.

  26. jameberlin


  27. tiina

    Depp, Johnny…

    He’s just divine, ain’t he!?!!!

  28. Sally

    That’s Keith’s wife Patti Hansen in one pic, and that’s his daughter in the other. I sure hope he’s not banging the daughter, as someone suggested here.

  29. Shannon

    I am so sick of seeing his face. He is repulsive to me.

  30. Karen

    He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HOT!!!! Sorry males on this site, but there’s no way you could ever compare to Johnny, not even close.
    And WTFcomparing comments of stupid tasteless dudes or teenagers who don’t know how a really hot chick looks like and who probably will never ever approach one saying they find the average super overrated Jessica Alba or other average overrated chicks attractive to Johnny Depp’s hotness comments? That’s an insult to Johnny Depp!! You can compare him to -HOT- women who are as hot as him but females, like Angelina Jolie or Kim Kardashian, for example, who I will admitt are really hot and beautiful even being a straight female, but the average and incredibly overrated Jessica Alba, or any other of those overrated average chicks? Hell no, what an insult to Johnny’s hotness and to the word hotness.
    And BTW guys, don’t forget hot dudes like Johnny Depp don’t need to coat themselves in makeup and to sit on a professional makeup artists’ and stylists chair just to manage to look slightly decent, like Alba for example, LMAO.

  31. makemepuke


  32. Narcissist

    I think the daughter might be Alexandra.

    Wow! Patti Hansen is over 50! She’s almost as pretty as Depp.

  33. Mystress Jade

    Hey LayDee!!!! How ya been? I’ve been in rehab with LiLo for the last year…..b-o-r-i-n-g! I’ve been lurking for a few months, but my sponsor says I can start posting again if I take it real slow.

  34. Carol Weymiller

    He looks like a child molester.

  35. dotcom

    depp is so fine its unbelievable!
    keith is talented if only mick drowned band would be better LOL

  36. jason

    is he a Japanese?

  37. felix

    he is not cute and cool. maybe this is the reason why he have joined an
    online club sugarmommymeet, by which he is seeking a sexy girl or rich women
    for extramarital relationship..

  38. pizle

    is keith richards wearing a costume or should i get out the shotgun

  39. rizle

    ….halloween costume…. and shotgun cause i like shooting zombies… i give up. look at that huge pork on tv!

  40. Kim Goodwin

    To those who criticized either Johnny, Keith OR Mick…Ya’ll are just jealous!!! Johnny is beautiful inside and out and Keith is a fabulous musician! Mick is an excellent showman in a sexy animalistic way and who else has kept people paying good money to see them perform for so many years in their 50′s and 60′s but The Rolling Stones!!! OKAY! So there! And guess what? Ya’ll are gonna get old too!!!!! Tell me…what will you have accomplished in your lifetime? Kim

  41. Ande

    I dislike Johnny Depp since he is cheating on his wife with a 20 something year old woman named Jackie in coral gables, FL.

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