Johnny Depp is okay, I guess

December 4th, 2007 // 143 Comments

This one’s for you, ladies. Here’s Johnny Depp at the premiere of Sweeney Todd at the Zeigfeld Theater in New York City. I don’t see why women find him so attractive. Sure he’s rich, talented and has solid steel abs I could use for some blacksmithing. What do you mean that sounds a little gay? I’m only saying I’d pound out my red-hot broadsword on his abs instead of the traditional anvil. Then I’d go wrestle a dragon or something. I’m pretty sure that’s the most heterosexual and medieval mental picture I’ll ever paint in my entire life. A cowboy with ass-less chaps and a moustache wants to give me a high-five. That’s how straight it is.

NOTE: I also added pictures of Keith Richards because women freaking love him. Like this chick who seems to be having a ball carting his surprisingly alive carcass around.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News
superficial

  1. RichPort

    See ladies, men get older and better looking, and you just get old and fat. Live with it.

  2. RichPort

    Pretty clever Fish dude, hiding this in the older posts… that’s like the time I hid my weed in the oregano jar and everyone laughed and laughed after eating the marinara sauce. Ok, fine, it’s nothing like that, but still…

  3. RichPort

    Threepeat? Oh you generous fuck you…

  4. RichPort

    It’s like shootin’ (ahem) Fish in a barrel…

  5. Shallo Val

    (in Quagmires voice)

    OhhhhhhH, YEAhhhhhhhhh!

  6. woodhorse

    Been missing your posts RichPort, good to see you. Just not nearly as good as it is to see Johnny Depp. He can just stand there – fully clothed – and women will throw money at him, fall in love with him, ride off into battle for him. Does that make you feel bad there RichPort?

  7. Shallo Val

    Rich port, you are so right. We are jealous and that sucks. But c’est la vie, mais non?

  8. RichPort

    And really… what’s Johnny Depp doing hanging out with Amy Winehouse?

  9. Aura

    Just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Johnny Depp!!!!

  10. cookie monsta

    eww, harry pothead much? I mean he’s still Johnny Depp, and I heart him forever.

  11. Shallo Val

    (in Hannibal Lechters voicde)

    “Lahv the suit”

  12. LayDeeBug

    Johnny Depp can do no wrong. Awesome actor, apparently good dad and husband, funeeeeeee, plays guitar and sings, never ages….oh shit, he must be Satan.

    So what, he’s awesome.

  13. Mary

    I think the girl with Keith Richards is his daughter. She looks just like his model wife.

  14. G Man

    Hey it’s Johnny Depp and one of the California Raisins…

  15. arent all chaps assless? you fucking tool. i hate you for this post because its HIGH larious!

  16. EveryonePoops

    If you take away the awesome double breasted blazer, power tie and devastatingly good looks, he’d look like the guy who wants to do your taxes. Johnny Depp’s pretty awesome, but he sounds like a complete ‘tard in the new Joe Strummer Documentary.

    Even though Keith Richards appears to be ambulatory here, he’s actually dead. The guy at the morgue did a good job at the make up, but you can totally tell. His corpse is looking worse by the day.

  17. woodhorse

    I wonder who helps Keith with his eyeliner? See, he still takes care of himself, that’s why he doesn’t look a day over 90. Pete Doherty could learn a thing or two from this guy. I bet he’s on millionaire.com, the site for sexy rich men looking to cheat on their wives. I’m not sure.

  18. whoneedsenemies

    DAMN JD is so good looking……

    **homer gurgle**

  19. Lowlands

    I guess Johnny Depp is a huge Harry Potter fan?

  20. I’m ONLY drooling because this is the first male post on the fish in a month or something that sounds longer than a month. I mean Johnny Depp is ok, if you like that sort of thing, you know, cute, talented, nice bod……but he’s no Owen Wilson!!!..

  21. MindRiot

    Keith looks like Joan Van Ark.

  22. Big

    Me & Keith just got done snortin my mom. Really high man. But seriously is really still alive?

  23. He’s so hot I’m melting into a big gay puddle

  24. Sauron

    Harry Potter vs the leprechaun?

  25. What if Clark Kent became a Satanist?

  26. and by ___ I mean ___

    Johnny’s great. And by great, I mean graight. And by graight I mean gay-straight. And by that I mean gay.

  27. CindyC

    That’s Keith’s wife and daughter – they are gorgeous.

    I would cart Keith’s ass around any day of the year! I LURV HIM!!!!

  28. Lowlands

    I’m a bit impressed by Keith Richards.Because he proves there’s still life after the body dies.

  29. #27 Fish Dude? That was pretty funny. And by funny I mean totally fucking stupid. And by that I mean funny.

  30. eastcoastgirl

    Johnny Depp is hands down the sexiest man in Hollywood or anywhere else for that matter. He also stands by his wife and his family. Unlike that simpering wuss Brad Pitt.

  31. Lose the glasses, but other than that, I’d hit it.

  32. Sauron

    What’s wrong with Johnny Depp and Keith Richards? I’d hit it,with a baseball bat though.Lol

  33. Binky

    New Anti-Drug Campaign.
    “Just say ‘No’ ?” F- That !
    ” Just say Keith Richards”

  34. Lys

    hey #1

    Sorry cocksucker but you’re wrong.
    There’s a lot of gorgeous women over 40 : Halle Berry, Demi Moore, Monica Bellucci, Madonna, Salma Hayek etc. Women do not get uglier. This site is obviously sexist and keeps posting pictures of women in bikinis where you can see their cellulite. But there are not a lot of post of topless men wearing shorts. I’m sure even Johnny Depp (who i adore) isn’t that perfect in a swinsuit. Remember the last post about Pauly Shore? And his not that old!
    Admit it, women are the target of constant judgment about their bodies, their looks, their clothes. You want to find some imperfection. Your selfish gender cannot understand that women deserve the same right of dignity as men. Your selfish gender cannot see women as human being, for you, women are sexual object and if this stupid little amount of flesh in your pants cannot do its job, it is our fault. Cause we have cellulite, cause we are not perfect. Are you perfect? Since when is perfection necessary to live? I’m so fucking tired of this kind of coments. This mentality is useless and hurtful. Women in other countries are tortured because of this kind of mentality. Won’t you men understand that women are human being before sexual partners. Stop acting like you are the generic gender. Stop acting like you are better than us, prettier than us, smarter than us. Your agressive habits toward women only show your low self-esteem. You need someone under you, someone you can control so you can feel better about yourself. You’re pathetic.
    And for your information, I’m not some kind of frustrated feminist who never get sex. I’m married, i’m pretty, i’m smart, i make love 3 times a week. Its more than some posters here will ever do in their entire life.

  35. Lys

    I’m also sure that men are more superficial about apperance than women. Thats why you notice some tiny details about our body. We accept you as you are, even if you get fat ( cause ordinary men get fat over 30), lose your hair and can’t get a hard on.

  36. Pablo

    Johnny Depp needs to shave. Seriously. Whatever that is on his face, has to go. Face it dude… if it ain’t growing properly yet, it probably just ain’t gonna.

  37. Pablo

    AND…. “Keef” is a role model. Seriously. The guy’s face looks like road-kill, and he bags chicks like *that*? Forget about Mike… who wouldn’t want to be like Keef?

  38. Sauron

    Johnny depp has become rich and famous.He should call himself Johnny Deppp now.

  39. Whoa! Forget anti-American spewing Depp–Did you mention a cowboy in ass-less chaps!

  40. Sauron

    Johnny depp has become rich and famous.He should call himself Johnnny Deppp now.

  41. LindaP

    Is that Jenna Bush with Keith again? WTF is up with that?!?!?!?

  42. Besides, he looks like an uptight girl with his lack of facial hair and eye-liner encrusted baby browns!? I can see your attraction for him fish.

  43. HOLY FUCKING HOTNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
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    HE’S THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE WORLD, THANKS FOR POSTING THIS SUPERFISH, NOW GUYS GO LEARN SOMETHING FROM JOHNNY OR GO KILL YOURSELVES

  44. Lowlands

    It’s an old trick but he’s hiding his small mouth and thin lips behind a big moustache…

  45. granada

    #1

    Just like Keith Richards?

  46. Lori

    Johnny Depp looks and acts like a cartoon character. He is so overrated. I can’t believe he’s still sporting that stupid mustache and goatee with the long, greasy hair. What has it been, about 15 years since he’s changed his look? Gaahhh. He’s become a caricature.

  47. yo

    is Keith Richards banging that chick???

    because if he is, that’s pretty goddamn impressive. not only because how hot she is, but because he can actually still bang AND because someone is actually willing to be banged by him.

    I mean, Keith Richards is badass (Chuck Norris badass) but look at him! he looks like a hobbit’s creepy grandpa… who takes drugs.

    and to all the girls posting messages about how hot johnny depp is: get a life, would you?

  48. Lys

    48

    I hope you’ll say the same thing to all the boys posting messages about how they would drink Hayden Panetierre bath water, or how many times they would fuck Jessica Alba in the ass. Stupid loser, we only got a hot guy every month on this site and you are upset about our reaction?? My god, i can’t imagine how frustrated you would be if you were a girl, cause we live with your shitty and immature comments every day.

  49. #47, that was kinda funny

    #48 But it’s ok for all the guys on here to write things like “I’d drink her douche water” at all the females posted on here??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Just wonderin..

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