Johnny Depp can write his name

May 15th, 2006 // 71 Comments

jdepp-signs.jpgAutograph Collector magazine has put Johnny Depp at the top of their 14th annual survey of Hollywood’s best autograph signers followed by George Clooney. And topping the list of worst signers is Cameron Diaz, who not only refuses to sign autographs but also lectures fans on how lame they are.

“Many stars become bad signers once fame and fortune hits, but not Depp. He’s even signed autographs for crowds at the airport while carrying luggage,” said Steve Cyrkin, editor and publisher of the Santa Ana, Calif.-based magazine. As for Clooney, “he’ll joke as he signs, and make fun of how he looks in photos he’s handed to autograph,” Cyrkin said. “Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress, but she’s persistently a terrible signer. Instead of just turning down a person’s autograph request, she’ll lecture them about how dumb autographs are.”

The only thing more amusing than reading about how Cameron Diaz hates her fans is reading about how a magazine called Autograph Collector magazine actually exists. I’m not saying autograph collecting isn’t a real interest, I’m just not sure it deserves an entire dedicated publication for the subject. It’s not pornography.



  1. Aimless


  2. Aimless


    Cameron Diaz doesn’t like signing autographs because if she gets that close to people they’ll get a close-up of the huge zit-craters on her face. Have you seen her w/out makeup? Not a pretty sight.

  3. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I want Captain Jack Sparrow to autograph my heaving bosom, being the lusty pirate wench that I be.

  4. sweetcheeks

    Johnny Depp started to autograph my bosom, but then Cameron Diaz got in the way and took a dump in the middle of the floor. She left it there, called it “Charlie’s Angels,” and it became a huge hit.

    I never got my fucking autograph, either.

  5. spatz

    “Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress”

    really? on what planet is zippy a talented actress?

  6. Ari

    I’d fuck him senseless. Repeatedly… especially if he kept that pirate costume on.

  7. CrazyBrunette

    Johnny depp is cute but his gap toothed bitchy wife isnt.Ugh

  8. BigJim

    What would really impress the hell of out me would be seeing Paris Hilton write her name.

  9. Sheva

    This is old news already. Why post it now? So Johnny Depp signs autographs in France. Who cares?

    Like the French really want American autographs much anyway.

  10. CrazyBrunette

    Where does it say he signs autographs in France? He lives in London with his french wife Vanessa Paradis.

  11. I don’t know, I think it’d almost be worth it to be lectured by someone as vapid as Cameron Diaz. Next time I see her, which, you know, could happen, I’m totally gonna ask her to sign my butt.

  12. CoJo

    “Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress”

    Compared to Johnny Depp – the only place Cameron Diaz should be considered a talented actress is in a Vagisil commercial. Seriously.

  13. CrazyDaddyXenu

    Cameron Diaz is an ungrateful stick figure of a bizz-nitch. She should go sign the middle of a very, very busy road…

  14. pinky_nip

    She’s such a steaming bag of cunt. Buy some damn proactive already.

    In other thoughts, Capt. Jack Sparrow… yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, and me naked with you on top of me and oh GOD… *running off to the bathroom*

  15. My ass was featured in Autograph Collector Magazine. BigJim signed it.

  16. Shelley Bonnechance

    Who wants Cameron Diaz’s autograph anyway? Ew.

    Johnny Depp on the other hand…ding, dong! I’m glad he’s a nice guy, but I can’t figure out what he sees in the haggard Ms. Paradis. Maybe he just fancies that heroin-chic look? He was all up in Kate Moss’s stuff for awhile and she also had those hollow, starveling cheeks and eyes that looked like piss holes in the snow.

    His taste for skeletal women is his only imperfection, though.

  17. Cameron Diaz Lectures people? I love the thought of some bim who never went to school and got by because she was formerly hot giving people a lecture about how “dumb” something is.

    I do the same thing, but I go around lecturing people about how Dumb Cameron Diaz is.

  18. Autographs suck.
    I would rather spend some quality time with Cameron Diaz and lecture her about how cool I am.

  19. 86

    Cameron Diaz will kick your ass, too.

  20. I had sex with Johnny Depp, once.
    To my credit, I was confused and thought I was fucking Helena Bonham Carter.

  21. gogoboots

    It seems kinda messed up actually, but there are a lot of people out there obsessed with celebrities…hello?!

  22. PocketRocket

    Tom Cruise LOVES Captain Jack Sparrow Cock!

    Last time I saw a mouth like Cameron Diaz’, it had a hook in it. Over-rated!

  23. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I LOVED Cameron Diaz as the Joker in Batman! She was so great.

  24. Cameron Diaz has more important things to do than make some fan’s day, like do that dumbass MTV show Trippin and whine about trees being cut down.

    Is that turd even on TV anymore?

  25. Jacq

    Johnny Depp is gross, as is his chick. I would only ask Cameron Diaz to autograph a piece of toilet paper for me and then I’d wipe my ass with it in front of her. Then, she’d lecture me for not using a leaf or some shit. Then, I punch her in her crater face.
    Anyone see the commercial with Gwenyth and her – annoying to the max. Who calls that acting?

  26. xavierh

    So the best/worst list is here:

    I’m surprised to see Winona Ryder on the worst list. Don’t you have to be acting in films or tv shows to be considered autograph-worthy? I didn’t think PSAs for your community service requirement counted. Besides, she’s probably a little shy about signing anything without her lawyer present at this point anyway.

  27. 86

    Yeah I saw a commercial she did once, only it was an hour and a half long and it sucked ass!

  28. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I think it’s funny that our beloved TC is on the “best” list. He probably signs, Love, Xenu. And throws in a free Scientology tract to boot.

    And Russell Crowe is on the worst. Yeah, I’d imagine those phones being thrown at you would be a little off-putting.

  29. pinky_nip

    Johnny Depp makes my clit dance for joy.

  30. IFuckingHateYou

    I asked Diaz for an autograph in the airport once & she started lecturing me, so I said “I guess a blowjob is out of the question then?”
    To my surprise & horror, she agreed to the BJ, but when that Joker mouth started coming at my schlong, I just slammed he face into the ground and pounded her ass instead.

  31. Jacq

    #27 – I think you’re talking about “Reality Bites.”

  32. You can just see Cameron Diaz lecturing a crying little girl about how rude it is to take up Goddess Cameron’s precious time being a beard for Justin Timberlake. And isn’t Cameron a guy’s name? She’s probably a tranny who kept her birth name. After Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, the only reason why anyone would ask for her autograph is if they were collecting the signatures of stars who made box-office H-bombs. “Look, Mom, I got Cameron’s signature! I can put it next to Ben Affleck’s!”

  33. People still ask Winonna Ryder for Autographs?!?! Are you sure that they aren’t confusing the signiture sheets for her parol officer with autograph paper?

  34. Fisher55

    johnny depp sucks. i used to dig him, but when i saw him on Charlie Rose smoking skinny brown cigarettes i decided enough was enough

  35. PapaHotNuts

    My grandpa wants his hat back you faggot. Don’t borrow people’s shit if you ain’t gonna bring it back.

  36. Italian Stallion

    Justin Timberlake doesn’t mind giving autographs, he should teach his girlfriend how. She could use her “ball point pen” but I have a feeling she won’t like sticking her penis in ink………….

  37. Fisher55

    Winona Ryder once stole my heart

  38. krisdylee

    Do you think he’d autograph my clit for me?

  39. krisdylee

    with his tongue?

  40. 86

    Cry Baby is the greatest movie of all time.

  41. PapaHotNuts

    krisdylee, I can’t autograph your clit, but I can stain it white.

    You bring out the whore in all of us.

  42. Odium

    that man is so yummy

  43. iambananas

    That is so sweet, I love Johnny Depp. He kind of seams like the type of guy that wouldn’t want to sign autographs, kind of quiet and reserved.. but he’s actually a rare celebrity who differentiates between fans and the paparazzi! He’s really a nice guy and deserves everything he’s worked for!

  44. pinky_nip

    I’d kick a raccoon’s ass using Paris Hilton for 10 minutes with this guy.

  45. iambananas

    He’s just really really cute! What’s your fave Johnny Depp movie? I think I have to go with Gilbert Grape… he was just a really good actor in that movie.

  46. iambananas

    pinky_nip…I’m sure you’re just what he’s looking for, lol.


  47. Fisher55

    omg lame banana is hostile 2day!

  48. PapaHotNuts

    Do not respond to it.

  49. spatz

    great. now i can never watch whats eating gilbert grape ever again.

  50. pinky_nip

    Remember! Don’t feed the animal.

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