BREAKING: Johnny Depp Confirms He’s Single

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis reportedly split months ago, but then they both spent the time since then either denying it or cleverly hinting at it, so no one knew what the fuck even though he banged an Olsen twin and somehow lived to tell the tale. Except out of nowhere today, Johnny’s publicist just released a statement to ET Online announcing they’ve officially sep- Wait, what do you mean wrong pics? There’s a pirate costume and ev- *looks closer* Goddammit.

Photos: WENN