BREAKING: Johnny Depp Confirms He’s Single

June 19th, 2012 // 29 Comments
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Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis reportedly split months ago, but then they both spent the time since then either denying it or cleverly hinting at it, so no one knew what the fuck even though he banged an Olsen twin and somehow lived to tell the tale. Except out of nowhere today, Johnny’s publicist just released a statement to ET Online announcing they’ve officially sep- Wait, what do you mean wrong pics? There’s a pirate costume and ev- *looks closer* Goddammit.

Photos: WENN


  1. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, the horrors that poor bodyguard in the background has seen.

    The horror…

    The horror

  2. You’re using pics of John Mayor and gipping us ladies of the chance to stare at a single Johnny Depp!

  3. Johnny Depp, John Mayer…eh, same difference.

  4. Lee

    How is that he’s deaging into John Meyer?

  5. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    EmmaWatson's Vagina
    Commented on this photo:

    The look here after fining out Winona Ryder is still single after announcing he is single.

  6. kimmykimkim


  7. Schmidtler

    What’s up with Johnny Depp – I don’t recall him looking this douchey?

  8. Pffft…. LMAO. Right on Fish…

  9. Bonky

    So John Mayer is so broke he has to stand in for that pirate chocolate, whatever…. douchebag…whatever. Ok, anyway, who do I talk to so I get my money for that photo I brought in for this nonsense ?…

  10. Depp was overheard saying, “Yeah, the gap in Vanessa’s teeth just isn’t as tight as it used to be. Let’s call it ‘irreconcilable differences’.”

  11. No no no, John Mayer is not an acceptable stand-in!

  12. Crissy

    And here I present ya’ll the poor man’s Johny Depp:.. Johny Derp!

  13. Adam

    I read a blind item about a singer who really looked like an actor. He would use this to fool people on purpose. He actually went so far as to leave small tips at restaurants hoping the actor would get bad press. I bet Superficial has an idea who they are…

  14. judging you

    Oh God, what happened to Depp’s face!?!?….Oh it’s John Mayer…he’s looking douchey, and like an impersonator.

  15. So long ties are in again.

  16. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    isn’t that the douche-bag also know as John Meyer?

  17. rican

    Come to think of it, i’ve never seen John Mayer and Johnny Depp in the same place at the same time.

  18. kimmykimkim

    He looks like Katy Perry without makeup.

  19. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    Lord Invader
    Commented on this photo:

    Send for a douche bag, get a colostomy bag. This is why you can’t take vacations, Fish.

  20. Cock Dr

    It’s time for Johnny to come back down to planet earth and start plowing thru a succession of US starlets.

  21. Burt

    I can understand the confusion. Both don’t look like they bathe very often, and the music they record kinda sucks…Which is really disappointing since John Mayer’s a decent blues guitarist…But that’s not what the fat chicks want.

  22. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    Can we get some Johnny Depp pictures and not this ugly fuck?

  23. mbcl

    Is he doing the ‘safety dance’ ?

  24. John Mayer Pirate Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    In every photo there’s a black guy saying “all white people look alike” with his eyes.

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