Johnny Depp ‘Adopted’ By Comanche Nation

May 22nd, 2012 // 34 Comments
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“Wait. For real? Like the baking powder?”

While Johnny Depp may or may not have based part of his Tonto performance on Marilyn Manson, he definitely based it off a painting by an artist who literally just makes up his own Indian outfits because his historical research stops around, “Eh, they probably liked birds.” But surprisingly this was enough to make Johnny Depp an honorary member of the Comanche tribe which he immediately jumped at because, holy shit, has he been talking out his ass about knowing anything about Indians outside of Marlon Brando’s mumblings through a mouthful of food. “Joffy, fa fing you goffa fo afout Findians is fere’s fot fefough futter on fese froisssants.” Via Jezebel:

[L]ast week, LaDonna Harris, a Comanche and president of Americans for Indian Opportunity, invited Depp to join the tribe.
“I reached out, and Johnny was very receptive to the idea,” she told the website Indian Country. He seemed proud to receive the invitation, and we were honored that he so enthusiastically agreed.”
Depp was inducted into the Comanche Nation. According to The Hollywood Reporter:
The ceremony took place at Harris’s home, and Depp gave gifts to the attendees, as per tradition.
“Welcoming Johnny into the family in the traditional way was so fitting,” Harris said. “He’s a very thoughtful human being, and throughout his life and career, he has exhibited traits that are aligned with the values and worldview that Indigenous peoples share.”

So, wait, the values and worldview of Indigenous people are “accessories and layers are your friend?” Because I just assumed it was something way more mystical and awesome like taking on the shape of a bear when you get really mad. Or wildly flapping your arms and cawing like a bird when you lose at blackjack. But, yeah, sure, bandoliers. Those are cool, too, I guess.

superficial

  1. Die already...

    Unless I miss my guess, Johnny Depp is part Indian already (Cherokee, I think). I wonder what his relatives have to say about this…

  2. Abby Normal

    Apparently the tribe hasn’t yet seen the fisting sequence.

  3. Fingers crossed that this is the movie that finally tanks Depp’s career.

  4. Welp. Now that I’m an Indian, I guess I’ll live in this single wide trailer and drink until I shit out my liver.

  5. EricLr

    On an unrelated note, alcoholism is very high on reservations.

  6. Jacob Suarez

    I hate to say this because I like your site, but you’re being a dumb ass.

    • Jacob,

      Are you a fan of Depp’s? Indians? Marlon Brando?

      Where did it go wrong for you?

    • Here. Heres a tissue for your vagina.

      • Jacob Suarez

        Hey YerGross, why don’t you learn how to read and spell. Call me old fashioned but if i’m going to be insulted, I would prefer if it was done properly. You’re most likely a bastard, pig tossing, inbreed whore with an eating disorder. If there is a God (Which there is not) she would cull you from the herd. Oh and as for my “vagina” I believe it was knee deep in your mother’s ass last week. I’ve showered over a hundred times and my dick still smells like the insides of a decaying skunk. So, why don’t you crawl back to whatever shit infested rock you came out of and stay off the internet. It’s too complex for a person of your (lack of) intelligence.

  7. Bane

    Not very PC.

    It’s not Indian. It’s First Nations People.

    And its not alcohol. It’s Firewater.

  8. BlackAndWhite.Minstrel

    It might have been worse. The guy could have done a picture of Geronimo with a bear behind.

  9. DeucePickle

    He was sworn in to the Comanche Hall of Fame by someone named LaDonna Harris ? Not sure that counts.
    Unless LaDonna is Comanche for Dripping Fist.

  10. Frank Burns

    Oh sure, but when I try to adopt Nina Dobrev into the Nation of My Pants all I get is rebuke!

  11. Herman Bumfudle

    lol! that’s really a very beautiful thing. my family were called the pontiac, although i won’t explain why. it has something to do with horses.

  12. zomgbie

    i’d be happy if he would just JOIN. A. GOOD. MOVIE. for a change.

  13. El Jefe

    I am assuming that becoming part of the Comanche Nation also requires his to give a multi-million dollar donation to such said nation?

  14. Arm & Hammer is baking soda, not powder. No wonder your chocolate chip cookies sucked, Fish.

  15. KC

    First you steal our lands, then you kill my people. But for the insult of this hat you will pay dearly!

  16. me

    I don’t know… Johnny Depp playing an Indian reminds me of the cowboy/indian movies from back in the day when any white guy with a tan could get a part as an indian. I hope that’s the angle of this.

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