Johnny Depp Might Be Single

January 6th, 2012 // 41 Comments
This Can't Be Right
Vanessa Paradis
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Possibly because banging Willem Dafoe gets boring after a while – To the 1% anyway, amirite, occupiers? – Johnny Depp is reportedly breaking things off with long-time girlfriend Vanessa Paradis and talking to lawyers about how much of his Pirates of the Caribbean booty (Kill me. Please kill me.) she’s going to make off with thanks to birthing his kids. RadarOnline reports:

“Johnny isn’t handling anything well right now,” a source close to the Pirates of the Caribbean star told
“People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Their relationship is heading toward the end.”
While Depp’s movies are doing well, his personal life may be falling apart. “Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship. They’re not married but they’ve been together for years and have kids together so it isn’t as easy as just breaking up,” the source said.

First, they took his werewolves. Then, they took his woman. But, this time, Johnny Depp takes their… dangly chain things. ALL THE DANGLY CHAIN THINGS. Welcome to hell, bitches.

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. Shit, that’s too bad. “The Tourist” was so unrelentingly sucky I figured he had to have other good things in his life to make up for it. Of course, if I’d actually paid money to see it I wouldn’t be so sympathetic.

  2. Satan's bitch

    Shame, now that he’s all whacked out and everything. There was a time when … wait. Uh, never mind.

  3. V

    he’s not hot anymore, so good you’re peacing out now, girl. now go grab some of that Pirates gold and fix yo teef.

  4. Johnny Depp Beret Scarf Rhum Express
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    **Hello, you’ve reached the Disney Head Office. Please leave a message after the beep. *beep!*
    Johnny: Yeah, it’s me, Johnny! Tell ‘em you’ve re-cast my role in Pirates of the Caribbean XIV until AFTER the divorce! Then, I want 25 million AND points! Ciao!
    ** Hello, and welcome to the abyss!!! Bwah-ha-haaa! Helena and I are busy with other pursuits right now (screaaaam!), so do leave a message… *beep!*
    Johnny: Hi Tim? It’s Johnny! Cast me in EVERYTHING you direct from now until your deathbed. AFTER the divorce! Got it? Love ya, mate!

  5. I guess he likes those photo shoots more than he cared to admit he did.

  6. Brangy

    The Angelina touch?

  7. Johnny Depp Beret Scarf Rhum Express
    Sweep The Leg
    Commented on this photo:

    I know she is our favorite lesbian, but I have the very good word that he and Amber Heard have been hooking up since shooting that movie together.

  8. Donald Trump

    Who cares? I haven’t wanted to have his baby since 21 Jump Street.

  9. Christina W

    In away I’m happy but yet sad. Happy that he may be on the market again but sad cuase I won’t get to be with him

  10. Cock Dr

    Well it’s amazing it lasted as long as it did.
    Wonder what gaunt scarf trailing hipster chick he’ll hook up with next…and will she have a resemblance to Angelina Jolie?

  11. Nice Jiffy Pop hat.

  12. Dennis

    He might do okay. She’s just a baby’s mama not his wife. Kobe on the other hand is going to find out what rape feels like if he gets divorced.

    • Venom

      I don’t know, they mainly resided in France and she is as good a definition of common law wife as there is so my guess is he is going to cleaners like the rest of them.

  13. Devilsrain

    Another high school drop out

  14. Zombie Johnny Cochran

    Here you go Johnny – this is the plan – step 1, take Vanessa deep sea fishing, step 2, throw lots of buckets of chum off the side of the boat, step 3, toss Vanessa off this side of the boat, step 4, laugh demonically and rub hands together, maybe twist moustache ends menacingly.

  15. KIMM

    I know a lot of other ladies really get hot for him but between the hat and the scarf it’s just too much hipster douchery for me to hypothetically deal with. In real life if I had the chance of course I would (he’s loaded so wtf) but I’m willing to bet he would annoy the shit out of me.

  16. Johnny Depp Beret Scarf Rhum Express
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Photographic evidence of an actor about to put his head up his own ass.

  17. blah

    This makes me sadder than it probably should.

  18. EricLr

    Every time I see a picture of Johnny Depp, I always get the sense that he was voted “Most Likely To Mistake Himself For An Artist” in high school.

  19. Johnny Depp Beret Scarf Rhum Express
    Commented on this photo:

    Id make him my husband unlike the gap tooth french fry

  20. Vanessa Paradis is an ugly as fuck skank. Maybe Depp woke up to the fact that he’s not getting any younger and has been fucking a troll for over a decade and wants to get some teenage pussy while he can still get it up? You live in Paris, you’re a multimillionaire, so why aren’t you knee De(e)p(p) in 16 year old girls?

  21. Clarity

    He is dad of 2 kids but forgot about this I gues…:(

  22. herbiefrog

    how about half ? ? ?

    that could be easy ././…. ?

  23. tumble weed

    he has a URINE-FACE to sh*t on, folks!!

  24. oneill

    was that a hyperbole and a half ref?

  25. LMMSSAV1946

    Johnny is like wine. He get’s better with age. He’s a great actor and a wonderful Dad to his kids. Hope, this is not true. If their having problems I hope they can work them out. Praying God will watch over Johnny and his little family.

  26. Gary

    That wispy facial down makes him look like a fool.

  27. Johnny Depp Beret Scarf Rhum Express
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    “The answer? Pirates 5: The Strange I Ride.”

  28. No really

    This make me sad… They’ve always looked so happy together. Hope they work it out.

  29. Mama

    He’s not attractive anymore sadly. He looked decent in Public Enemies, but how he dresses/looks on his private time makes me dry up.

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