Johnny Depp Banged An Olsen Twin, Is Gonna Die

Photo Boy | March 22, 2012 - 10:24 am

Posted by Photo Boy

It wasn’t long ago that the world was robbed of an amazing actor at the hands of muppet vagina – Easy, Jason Segel. – so we should all be alarmed not only by my irresponsible comparison of Heath Ledger (awesome) and Johnny Depp (used to be awesome), but also by a recent report that Depp may have nailed one of the Olsen Twins. Via inTouch:

It turns out the star, 48, was secretly leaving 23-years younger Ashley’s loft after a sneak slumber party. Arriving in the afternoon of February 26, Johnny hunkered down in Ashley’s Tribeca digs until noon the next day — nearly 24 hours later.

The report goes on to say that he was only leaving a building next to Ashley’s apartment building, so really it proves nothing except the Olsen twins are either drug dealers or consigners of Civil War-Era/Railroad uniform/gypsy healer clothing that’s been damaged by fire. Honest to God, this guy’s worth a zillion dollars but he looks like he smells like week old pee. I get it, he’s a superstar. He’s not restrained by normal responsibilities like having a job, showering and oral hygiene. And how could he have foreseen his partner’s slow descent into the offspring of Batboy and Willem Dafoe? I think the important lesson to take away from all of this is that women really need to keep themselves attractive until their husbands’ penises no longer function. *takes drag from cigarette, puts out on tongue*

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News