John Travolta & Kelly Preston did what now?

May 18th, 2010 // 180 Comments

Because Thetans aren’t going to E-meter themselves or however the fuck Scientology works (Internal combustion?), John Travolta and Kelly Preston have announced they’re geniuses and put a baby inside a 47-year-old uterus:

It’s impossible to keep a secret…especially one as wonderful as this. We want to be the first to share this great news with everyone that we are expecting a new addition to our family.
- John, Kelly and Ella.”


So do they want another mentally handicapped child to replace the last one? *ducks*

Photos: Getty

  1. Randal

    This is great news you two! Thank-you so much for stopping by The FISH and sharing this wonderful moment with your fans.

    All the best to you both and to a healthy little addition.


  2. Johnny T

    I hope it works out.

  3. louise

    they lost their son, they JUST lost 2 of their dogs, maybe you could refrain from making an asshole comment for once?

    i forgot your site can show no tact in such a situation.


    how about a fucked up version of face off, and when the baby is born, out comes two dogs to replace the ones that got run over at the airport yesterday.

  5. Join

    I usually laugh at your witty comments, but that was an uncool thing to say about their son who died. Uncool, dude.

  6. Sara

    “So do they want another mentally handicapped child to replace the last one? ”

    Uncalled for, you giant douchebag.

    Did it ever occur to you that some of your readers might have mentally challenged children?

  7. That One Guy

    I think the writer was listening to Denis Leary – I’m An Asshole.

    ??Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
    While handicapped people make handicapped faces??

  8. Jenn

    The writer of this website is trash. Your parents definitely fucked up big time with you. And I know that you’re probably reading this and laughing at all the responses your getting, but deep down you know that your a loser who just wants attention.

  9. aok

    That was cruel and completely UNFUNNY.
    I usually have a sick sense of humor, but not on this one. Bad decision-making, Fish.

  10. FrankNfrtr

    They’ve had such bad luck. Hope this works out for them.
    Can’t help speculating….how the hell did they do that? Forty seven is awfully old for successful conception & pregnancy.
    I hope that this doesn’t somehow lure fertility challenged women into the Scientology cult/rip-off BS business.

  11. KG

    Not Cool!!! You could of said anything but that.

  12. Liz

    “to the our family”? Good thing they proofread their own bs press release.

  13. whaaat?

    Soooo unfunny, uncool and totally cruel comment. You usually crack me up but that one made me sick to my stomach.

  14. The Topiary Cow

    Ha! Okay maybe bad taste but funny anyway.

    As they say, hire the handicapped, they’re fun to watch.

  15. Liz

    To all the Fish haters right now: It’s irresponsible to conceive a child at that age. Fish is merely calling them out for that. It’s actually a reasonable criticism. Let’s just hope they won’t deny and cover up this child’s handicaps, too.

  16. chuck

    definitely a tactless and tasteless comment from the poster.

    in other areas, why the fuck is this website so damn slow to load? upgrade your servers and hosting provider, douchbags with the witty/unfunny commentary.

  17. Lisa

    Damn that was a low blow. Most of the time, you’re pretty funny in a crass sort of way, but their special kid who is dead should be off limits. You might wanna retract that.

  18. Jess

    WOW, not cool at all. Where the hell do you get off saying stuff like that about these people? Maybe you should take a hard look at yourself before you go off degrading people for the things you will NEVER have. See ya Fish, this was the last push I needed to never visit the site again.

  19. mike

    this is thesuperficial you whiney shits, if you can’t take it, go elsewhere. all this bad lcuk is what jt gets for making battlefield earth. suck it!

  20. All the best to you both and to a healthy little addition.

  21. All the best to you both and to a healthy little addition.

  22. mfbinc


  23. Sara

    @ 15 (Liz)

    First of all, it is highly likely an egg donor was used. In that case, KP’s age is irrelevant.

    Furthermore, using the death of a child is not calling them out. It is using every parent’s worst fear to get a cheap laugh.

    If Jett had Kawasaki disease (or some other undiagnosed condition), the sudden death of their child at an early age was likely their worst nightmare come true. You have no right to comment on how they handled their child’s handicap, as you have no idea what therapies/treatments were sought and provided behind closed doors.

    I am the mother of a child with a handicap. He has no diagnosis. His early death is my worst fear. Until you’ve walked a mile in those shoes, quit making your obnoxious ignorant comments.

  24. MB

    Ugh. I have an ongoing fight with the boyfriend about how this site is some how still funny without making chiding below-the-belt comments……. I’ve now lost the fight. Rather disappointed that your usual wit and cleverness took the backseat to such simple “humor”

  25. Ms Whiplash

    Come on, everybody! What the hell do you expect when you come to this site? Of course Fish Doode is going to say something totally inflammatory. If he wasn’t making fun of the handicapped, he’d be ridiculing some celebutard who died today or mocking some insecure moron’s plastic surgery or religion or divorce or drug overdose or domestic abuse scandal or sex tape or what-have-you. If anybody out there is honestly shocked by this, they’re missing the point. The more controversy and outrage, the more hits for Fish, and he gets to laugh at our pretend moral outrage all the way to the bank. Grow up people, and stop looking for morality and kindness in the wrong kinds of places! Go Fish- you’re a total asshole sometimes, but don’t ever change!

  26. Yomama

    why is everyone so sensitive about retards…its called THE SUPERFICAL…The fact that they are Scientologists and THAT is acceptable is beyond me…

  27. Yomama

    why is everyone so sensitive about retards…its called THE SUPERFICAL…The fact that they are Scientologists and THAT is acceptable is beyond me…

  28. Sara


    Only an idiot would not see the difference between this comment and all the rest of the Fish’s usual asshole comments.

  29. @23. Sara, you’re retarded. Just because she’s 47 doesn’t make her completely unable to conceive a child. There was a British woman who conceived – naturally – at 59. Learn your goddamn reproductive system or please god stop having your own.

    Yes, Fish made a comment that you are all flipping out about… And he did it so you would all flip out. Guess what, it worked. Get the eff over it. Funny that you all have a problem with this comment but you all still come to read what he says next no matter how inappropriate he ever is. I’m shocked that most of you are so surprised. Consider the source and move on…

  30. fuck_scientology

    Fuck these Xenu cock sucking faggits, I found the post extremely funny, if you don’t like this site, why the fuck do you haters read it? You people bitching and moaning about a comedy site that pokes fun at stupid celebs are the same type of religious bible thumping dick lickers that need to get a life.

    This is Amerika, land of the freedom to make fun of whoever the fuck we want to, and your freedom to NOT read it or look at it.

  31. oh i know

    @6, Not only the readers CHILDREN, but the readers themselves…… keep ‘em coming Fish ;)

  32. Todd

    I’m usually the one laughing when people are offended by asshole comments that Fish makes but this one made me cringe. Uncalled for.

    Big douchebag moment for you.

  33. bernard

    your comment takes the easy way out you dummy -
    not clever, not cool – FAIL!

  34. Greggo

    The comment about this poor handicapped kid who died is totally unacceptable. That is over a line I didn’t even think an asshole such as yourself would cross. At least it will make my wife happy now that I’m done going to your site. Later prick… enjoy Hell!

  35. Marco

    Get a sense of humor ppl! I’d impregnate that 47 year old uterus too if I could, she’s a GILF!

  36. fuck_scientology

    Todd and bernard….fuck off. Just don’t read the site.

    Keep ‘em coming, fish.

  37. Tek

    I told you all that Fish is not beyond making fun of tragedy. It’s pretty obvious that he’s now going for the troll approach. Always classy, my friend.

    Hopefully all goes well for Kelly and John (even though I don’t like him as much as I used to thanks to the batshit craziness that is Scientology.) Oh and someone really needs to tell him that he needs to lose that hair piece, and I don’t know… get something that looks NATURAL.

  38. BEWBS

    The site is called The Superficial, not “The Super Concerned with People’s Feelings”. Don’t read it if it upsets you. The rest of us are fine without you.

  39. Boxy Brown

    lol @ all the butthurt. Keep the inappropriate comments coming, Fish.

  40. dude

    nothin wrong with makin fun of d-d-d’s normally but yuh ur timing was a little off considering.. but to be fair the travoltas combined age must be over 90 and i’d call that playin mongolian roulette…

  41. MissMommy

    As the proud parent of an autistic kid, I wouldn’t try to have another kid especially if I was their age because of the greater risks of age and the possibility of having another kid whose life would be difficult. I get what the OP was saying because even though it was a joke, it’s stupid to try to have another kid when there are so many risk factors. However, if I had the Travoltas’ money I would buy a donor egg, have it fertilized by some really smart non-Scientologist, hell, even pay a surrogate.

  42. Smoeky

    bwahahah you people and you’re moral outrage, pathetic! And wtf is with these retards wishing them well? The only thing you’re doing is trying to show off how nice and congenial you are, doubly pathetic plus a little pretentious. The only thing sad about these two is that they’re stupid enough to get involved with Scientology. QQ mothertruckers.

  43. Low Blow there

    I’m usually not concerned when comments are made here about celebrities; most of the time they act like self absorbed assholes & deserve the verbal shots they get. BUT, that comment about “replacing the mentally handicapped child with another” is a low blow, even for this website.

    Regardless of their beliefs, having a kid is a special time for a family. Given what a mess this last year has been for them, why don’t we let them have their happy moment, and let’s instead heap our whithering abuse on celebs who deserve it, like lindsay “I be goin’ ta jail!” blowhan…

  44. reader

    I have never commented on a website before- and i usually enjoy this one for it’s crass, twisted humor. However, there are numerous other ways you could have chosen to make a joke about this situation–choosing the route that attempts, pathetically, to find any semblance of humor at the death of a child is just completely uncalled for.

  45. DeezNutz

    Im glad he made the comment, to all that dont like it go fuck yourselves its his opinion. if you cant handle it, proceed to die. if you have a retard kid who cares he wasnt talking about yours, so go put a helmet on cause you are a retard as well.

    much love, this guy lol

  46. Eat Cake

    Wow dude…just…wow!

  47. DW

    Bad taste man…

  48. Christina G.

    Did you know women can have children well into their 50′s? And it is common in other cultures? You need to get out more.

    By the time you grow up, get married, and are responsible enough to have children, your wife will be 47 and you will have to spend thousands of dollars for in vitro to make your dreams come true. Karma’s a bitch.

  49. Danklin24

    Fish that’s fucking cold, even for you. Fucking horrible.

  50. MB

    For your sake, I hope Karma doesnt exist, and you don’t have a disabled child and then lose him/her and don’t have a lowlife crassly commenting about it on a website…

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