John Travolta is delusional

April 17th, 2007 // 81 Comments
john-travolta-wild-hogs.jpg

Splash News

John Travolta is getting senile in his old age and says he’s as big a star as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe, but didn’t die like them because of his values and religion. He says:

“I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn’t go the way they did was because of my beliefs. People make judgments about it [Scientology], but often they don’t know what they’re talking about. I would advise anyone who wants to know about it to read up on it. We [the Church of Scientology] are only getting bigger and we help people all over the world, from disaster zones to drug rehabilitation. We were having a problem in Germany [where some critics called Scientology a money-making entity rather than a religion]. I talked to [former president Bill] Clinton who talked to Chancellor Kohl and things have improved since then.”

John Travolta believing in anything is the exact reason why I don’t. On my list of most horrifying things, becoming John Travolta is number one. I wear a bracelet that says WWJTD, and whenever I’m about to do something I think, “Would John Travolta do this?” And if he would, I do the exact opposite. Which works well for things like believing in Scientology, but I haven’t had a cup of water in over eight years.

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  1. Fishstick

    2nd!

  2. Danner

    One step away from being a couch jumper? Or is he that far away.

  3. wally

    wedgeone wouldn’t know a wally post if one was wedged up his ass.

    Hahahahahahahaha! Faggot.

  4. wedgeone

    Can’t ever get the image of him saying “Mr. Kott-tear” out of my mind. He’ll never be a pop culture icon like Elvis or Marilyn, because he never did anything new or original. Except for going insane with L. Ron.

    JTLTC, Just like Tom Cruise.

  5. Is that Timothy Allen Dick behind him?

  6. chaunceygardner

    What’s with the fucking do-rag? Is the Church of Scientology starting a street gang for fat-ass hammy actors?

  7. wedgeone

    Wally only knows the post of his prison cell buddy as it splits his colon apart.

    You don’t KNOW ME! You are as worthless as a used condom. Or as Edna Bambrick. Get a fucking life.

  8. Plus Elvis and Marilyn don’t have a secret spaceship to the moon and he totally does.

    So he’s covered.

    And shhhh… Don’t tell Travolta that’s Tim Allen! He thinks it’s for real Santa!

  9. #5- Wedgeone, I believe it was Freedie “boom-boom” Washington that repeatedly said “Mr. Kott-tear?”
    Barbrino was fond of saying “Whut, weir!”

  10. D'arcy

    WTH is Tim Allen doing in the background?
    Where are these two, anyway?
    Is this a convention at the retirement home? Do they offer viagra and prune juice for the delusional old timers?

  11. whitegold

    Why must all scientology people act crazy? Travolta is as big a star as Elvis and Marilyn?! Umm, sure…

    And how old is he now, like 50 maybe? And how long has he believed in Scientology, 10 years tops? So if he wants to claim it was his beliefs and Scientology that kept him alive, okay then, Scientolgy got your through your old man 40′s, but what got you through your hard partying 20′s and 30′s?! Can’t really claim that was Scientology, can you?

    And what’s this about Bill Clinton? Clinton isn’t in to this Scientology stuff also, is he?! People are crazy!

  12. Lowlands

    His brains must be suffering from the Saturdaynightfever.

  13. honeycombs_big_yeahyeahyeah!

    Look at his smug little butterface. Punch-alicious.
    There must be some sort of algorithm that can be worked out…the corruption of your “religion” has a direct proportional link to how how many chins you have, or the self-satisfied glint in your eye.
    “I talked to Clinton who talked to Chancellor Kohl and things have improved since then.”
    That comment gives me the creepy crawlies.

    For a good larf I suggest any one of you do a bit of reading up on the foundations of Scientology. That intergalactic alien overlord shit is just the tip of the iceberg of deliciousness.

  14. LL

    Scientologists yapping about their religion is just as tiresome as when other religious people yap about theirs. Not that I ever took Scientology seriously as a system of belief before, but ever since I saw that South Park episode about it (may have been the Tom Cruise closet episode), I can’t take any Scientologist seriously as an intelligent person. Xenu? Really? Levels? Thetans? REALLY? Scientologists be crazy.

  15. Adrianus Smith

    .
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    Just another Scientology nut!
    .
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    Scientology blows…
    .
    .
    .

  16. .
    .
    .
    He never killed himself because he was too busy worrying about how to hide the fact that he was gay.

    Who has time to kill yourself when you’re so busy cleaning cum outta your mouth before your phoney wife gets home?

  17. biatcho

    He must be a pitcher, not a catcher. What guy would want fuck him anyway? I know gays are into the whole “I’d rather put my dick in another man’s sweaty hairy poorly-wiped anus” but still, at this point Travolta’s butt has got to be pimply and loose as well. Yeah, you certainly want a piece of that magic…

  18. makeupgirl

    If Scientology is so awesome, how come he’s a fat washed up ugly fuck with a shit career.

    I wouldn’t pay to see one of his movies – he’s lucky he can live off Grease residuals. Bet he’s kicking himself now he didn’t jump on the Grease 2 bandwagon.

    Blech.

  19. lambman

    HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED WITH BILL CLINTON:

    Travolta agreed to make his portrayal of Clinton in Primary Colors more flattering if Clinton agreed to have a security advisor go to Germany to negotiate on behalf of Scientology

    http://www.factnet.org/Scientology/governmentsting.html

  20. crestlin

    #14 …Thank you, LMAO.

    “Oh my god Tom, you’ve gotta come outta the closet!”

  21. lahero

    In Germany they still think that Scientology is a moneymaking cult and the fact that they brainwash their members kind of proves that. A bunch of lost souls.
    They’re just too many of them in Hollywood.

  22. edamame

    John Travolta was banned from the resort at Pebble Beach for groping the masseur. Love that he is so freaking important
    that he will fly in his 747 alone all the time, and he made a comment recently that he isn’t much of an environmentalist!
    No shit, Vinnie! He said that we should forget about saving this planet, and concentrate on building civilizations on other planets.

    Tell you what, get in your fucking airplane and shoot for another planet….and take your boyfriends Tom Cruise and Rob Thomas with you!

  23. p911gt10c

    Poor Travolta, he all confused.
    He’s prayin to the wrong guy.
    He oughtta be tossin Tarantino’s salad for plucking him from obscurity and puttin him in Pulp Fiction. If he hadn’t, Johnny’d be doin “Look Who’s Talkin 8: Straight to DVD!!” by now.

  24. edamame

    His wife is trying to/is pregnant with #3?! Oh, fuck! Now Scientology is taking the Catholic approach to multiplying its membership? Mo’ Money, mo’ money!

    He’s using that damn scarf to cover up his G.I.Joe spray on hair.

  25. imran karim

    he’s name dropping

  26. He killed all his brain cells squeezing into those tight pants in the 70s.

  27. Kevin_FederSwine

    I don’t blame Travolta for his remarks…it’s got to be the body thetans talking. Time to write another mother-huge check, grab the electric soup cans, and audit those evil bastards right back into their volcano. Travolta can credit Scientology for his success, if that makes him happy. As long as he spells “Scientology” as “Q-U-E-N-T-I-N T-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-O.”

  28. costamar

    Well, he is as FAT as Elvis was when he died. Maybe he’ll also croak while taking a dump?

  29. rukdngme

    travolta? gay. cruise? gayer. so that means scientology ….. i’m so tired of useless rich people. you have more money yeay, most of them don’t even know how to enjoybeing rich all of them are paranoid, drug addicts, anorexic..you get the point. when i watch tv or a movie i like i just like what i watched i don’t spend my days wishing i knew more about that person who played that part..this is why my favorite tv show is the griffins…its a cartoon…i don’t see stewie all over people magazine…

  30. LoneWolf

    Travolta was almost gone, but then he did Pulp Fiction. Damn you, Tarentino! Damn you to hell!

  31. Get rid of Travolta, he’s an overrated actor, I have no idea why he’s this famous.

  32. lambman

    #14 – honeycombs_big_yeahyeahyeah-

    you said:
    “Look at his smug little butterface. Punch-alicious.”

    I don’t know where you’re from, but where I’m from saying somebody has a “butterface” means everything but their face is hot, like Fergie or Daniel Craig. Since this is Travolta and we’ve seen him shirtless I don’t think you can safely use the term.

    Just say “smug little face and whale body”

  33. rrd

    I feel sorry for him. I mean, I like hime, enjoy his performances. But if he is THAT delusional. poor guy.

  34. Niecy

    If they want to convince people that Scientology isn’t bullshit, they should get better spokespeople. Tom Cruise and John Travolta only hurt the cause.

  35. The irony will be delicious when he crashes his personal jumbo jet.

  36. FRIST!!!

    I’m totally going to Hastings on my lunch break to get that Hubbard book.

  37. jrzmommy♠

    Travolta? Isn’t that Xenuan for Man Kisser?

  38. HughJorganthethird

    Just cause you eat a dozen deep fried peanut butter and jam sandwiches a day doesn’t mean your Elvis fat ass. Now shut the fuck up and go back to felating Mr Cruise.

  39. blpressure

    “but I haven’t had a cup of water in over eight years” should read “but I haven’t had 20 pork pies topped with chocolate ice cream at one sitting in over eight years.”

  40. honeycombs_big_yeahyeahyeah!

    33 – It’s not so much where I’m from*, but the fact that I abuse overheard slang to my own ends without looking into the meaning. Butterface doesn’t sound flattering so i thought it fit.
    How bout this: that do rag makes JT look like a wigga. Oh snap!!
    -

    -
    *rural Canada. Enough said

  41. Truthseeker013

    Caption on pic- “HI! I’m John Revolting!”

  42. GG 4.33

    Marilyn Monroe? Elvis? Please. This guy sucks, and so does his “religion”.

    #20, good article.

  43. Mylene

    hey-the last time i read a newspaper over here, Angela Merkl is still the leader. And although the scientology nonsense is tolerated here, my opinion is that only because the Germans are just extremely tolerant on a personal and national level. I live in a village, and we even have a little shop here on the outskirts peddling the xenu, hopefully the prevailing practicality will win out and they won’t make money here and leave.

  44. NewPortJoey

    He felt up another massuse in Saftey Harbor (Clearwater) Florida. Us gays boys know enough to steer clear of this heffer. He has to rent-a-pilot so him and his trick can fly in circles in his plane. From what I understand he’s a top…..Pity the poor soul who has to rinse out his poopy drawers.

  45. wedgeone

    #10 – They all ripped off each other’s lines, except when Freddie said “Hi There!” in that really deep fake voice.

    Did Horseshack have any memorable lines from that show? Because we all know how memorable his career has been ….

  46. oymygod

    god, not only do we have to look at him, we have to hear him speak as well?

  47. HughJorganthethird

    “my opinion is that only because the Germans are just extremely tolerant on a personal and national level”

    Yeah, I’ve heard that about the Germans.

  48. kamihi

    I hate this jet plane driving asshole, he pollutes this great planet with all these emissions, I’d like to shove this prick on planet Thetan, Oh and his films suck, seriously how many good flims has this tit made? About 4 thats how many in like 30 years or something! WAY TO GO LEGEND TRAVOLTA.

  49. woodhorse

    Everybody trying to figure out his sex life is kinda funny…. it goes like this people: insert tab A into slot B…..

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