John Mayer left a cryptic message on his blog the other day that may or may not be directed to an ex-lover. Us Magazine is saying it might be Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Jennifer Love Hewitt or Cameron Diaz. That’s four more women than I would’ve suggested would still be hung up on John Mayer. Here’s what it said:
Dear Ex Lover,
Perhaps you didn’t understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I’ll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying.
I hope this is enough closure for you.
P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me.
Here’s my list of suspects of who John Mayer is writing to:
1. No one.
3. Imaginary Girl.
4. Tyra Banks.
I don’t want to say my list is better, but between Us Magazine and myself, only one of us thinks The Hills is real. So who you going to trust? That’s right. Me: Captain Credibility. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hot-tubbing on the moon with every single Victoria’s Secret Angels, Olivia Munn from G4 and Disney’s The Little Mermaid.