John Mayer shoots down Paris Hilton

February 12th, 2008 // 68 Comments

John Mayer, who not too long ago tried to put the moves on Ricki Lake, wanted nothing to do with Paris Hilton at a Grammys after-party. Page Six reports:

The celebutard showed up at the Sony BMG Grammy party at the Thompson Hotel lounge and “aggressively tried to hook up with John Mayer – following him around and dancing, trying to get him to look at her,” a source told Page Six.
“At one point, she sat at a table and tapped on the seat to motion him to sit next to her. John politely sat for less than a second before ignoring her and moving to chat with a group of friends.”

Damn! Getting dissed by John Mayer? That’s gotta smarts. I mean, c’mon, everyone knows John Mayer goes home alone every night and desperately hits on a Pop Tart. Yet he turns down Paris Hilton. Kudos, John Mayer. Rest comfortably tonight next to a roofied-up toaster treat and know that, in the morning, your penis won’t look like a slug covered in salt. Well played.

Photos: Getty Images, Splash News
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  1. gotmilk?

    why does he look like a young version of the undead corpse Mark Anthony?

  2. TS

    Good move, John. There is nothing to gain from hooking up with her except VD and a bad rep.

  3. Cuesta_Rey

    He seems pretty hep for such a young cat…

  4. brow

    he looks hot! he cut his hair and it looks great …a little douchym but hot.

  5. yukadoozer

    guess he didn’t want to go to herpeland.

  6. whatever

    #5 – Amen to that. I think he will always have a slight air of douche to him, but he’s looking pretty tasty.

  7. lisa

    Good for John Mayer!! At least he has some taste and knows to stay away from such a skank :)

  8. I don't like wearing panties

    “your penis won’t look like a slug covered in salt”

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! That is the perfect description of what Paris’ crotch rott will do to a penis.

    John Mayer defended Jessica Simpson in the whole Tony Romo curse of the useless dumb blonde thing. He went on some rant defending her on his blog. Tina Fey the hero who said that Paris Hilton is “a peice of shit” said that all Paris wanted to do for her guest stint on SNL was make fun of the girls she hated like Jessica Simpson whom she called fat. SO me thinks on top of the fact that Paris is human poison John also hates her on behalf of Jessica who Paris has always been mean to.

    The Hilton’s hate Jessica Simpson, even Paris’ whore of a mother Kathy has insulted her. Gee I wonder why? (*)(*)

  9. fergernauster

    He is maturing nicely. Hmmmmm… VERY nicely.

    But the fact he dates vacuous dumbos and is uncertain of his own sexuality and gender identification is a turn-off, no matter how pretty and yummy this boy-treat appears.

  10. John Mayer Rejects Paris Herpes lol!

    John Mayer used Jessica as an easy booty call, but he knows Paris has herpes and did not want to get near the talentless skank lol!

    I love John Mayers Continuum CD the best. I hope he makes more soulful rhythm and blues music. He is extremely talented. John Mayer has thick wavy hair, kissable full lips, and a hot tall body; he is handsome.

  11. pantsless farter

    Superfish, John Mayer is a major douche but, he just broke up with Minka Kelly (who is as hot as her name suggests) so truth be told, right now you are displaying “jealous little boy syndrome”. Like when girls call Victoria Secret models ugly. Except for Gisele Bundchen that man faced skank looks like the wrong end of a fucking bulldog.

  12. Auntie Kryst

    Tuxedo jacket and jeans-what a fucking tool.

    I’m actually not too happy about this. Think of the magnificent abominable ubercelebutardwhoreasshat those two could produce. Dr. Mengele would be proud.

    Hey you got my douchebag in your skank. You got your skank in my douchebag.

  13. fergernauster

    I dream of this man’s salami nightly.

  14. D. Richards (Self Hater.)

    John Mayer makes designer music for well-to-do upper-middle class yuppy sweethearts that listen to Johnny when they want to ‘rock out’ and get cozy by their fireplace.

    Every song is identical to the previous one and the music gives people time to, really, ponder themselves. To understand themselves and their loved ones.

    I’ll see that you die, Mayer.

  15. D. Richards (Self Mater.)

    Okay. Sorry. No call for that last particular harshness on my part, Johnny Boy.

    You are an OK musician, I’ll admit…. and one helluva tight-assed, young steed. A bit like the God-like Jimmy Dean, whose posters still grace my bedroom wall.

    Rock on, lovely Johnny. RAWK ON!

  16. PTSD

    Remove the “down” from the headline and we are on to something

  17. Guy

    He looks hot mixed with a lil bit of oddness which makes him cute verging on hot… I suck at describing peoples attractions

  18. gotmilk?

    12, you are wrong. my bulldog’s ass is more attractive then Gisele’s face.

  19. Badgurl

    Wow John Mayer is looking hella hot these days. Now if only he’d stop dating dumb blondes and even dumber celebs.

  20. Mal Gusto

    It is amazing what a haircut does for this guy. Good choice turning down Paris, I suspect she is a lousy lay as well as diseased.

  21. D. Richards (Saint.)

    #16? ‘Jimmy Dean’? Yeah, he has great breakfast meats.

  22. hmmm, Elvis meets Benicio?

    Since this is so incredibly boring, here’s an idea, gals, of what to get that manly man of yours. So, it’s stupid…. but so is this story.

    http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/youtube.pl?IDLink=3391847

  23. Anal Fistula

    you hate to say that anyone makes a good choice in pursuing riki lake over another woman, but you know paris’ vag will disintegrate your penis and disease your soul whereas riki lake is a 40+ year old virgin so it’s all good (from the STD standpoint, that is)

    i mean, seriously, no one has fucked riki lake, right?

  24. JuryIsOut

    Think of all the songs he could have written. Talk about “crying in your beer”.

  25. #19. I am sure you are correct. I have just spent some time googling bull dog assses and in fact Giseles face is far nastier. Please extend my appologies to your wrinkly friend…erm.. that sounds so wrong.

    Please substitute bulldog for hairless cat, I have provided a link in my name to show that the image is surely appropriate.

  26. D. Richards

    #24. Yeah, man, you’re right, nobody’s ever fucked Ricki Lake: not counting Ricki Lake.

    (I read in People magazine that Ricki likes huge black dildoes.)

  27. Thsy

    I must be the only woman that likes men and yet thinks that John Mayer is a clone of Michael Myers from Halloween. He scares me. I bet this bastard has tried more than once to kill Jamie Lee Curtis.

    So, is it to the point that any man that turns down Paris Hilton gets a cookie?

  28. me

    9 -
    I thought that too.

  29. Victor

    Sorry, can’t admire this wuss. He’s devoted his entire life to earning the respect of women. He knows they hate Paris and that’s the only reason he iced her. If somebody told him that women love her, he would have made sure somebody snapped a picture while he listened to her intently. Look, dude, you’re a dude. You don’t have to go to all that effort. Slap a girl in public – make sure it’s a pretty girl – and don’t apologize. You’ll gain instant respect from all the hot girls.

  30. HollyJ

    I think he actually looks pretty good here. I mean except for his gay necklaces. Men who wear any jewelry at all are living anal depositories for gay splooge. It’s a fact. I saw it on 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney was wearing a pinky ring and getting ass-pummeled by Geraldo Riveria.

  31. Gerald_Tarrant

    After Ricki Lake, John was feeling blue until he saw Lindsay’s new friend. So John Gayer shot down Paris to make it look like he isn’t a whore. Now John and Lord Faggyface can go have all the butt sex they can handle. The end (theirs).

  32. Gerald_Tarrant

    And don’t spout off about how he’s not gay because he’s been seen with hot chicks, like that’s proof. Two words, Tom Cruise. TCLTC just like JMLTC.

  33. RENEE...

    I don’t know what it is about this guy; he both repulses me and turns me on at the same time. There’s something really sexy about his face, and yet at the same time I look at him and think… God, I bet he smells funny. He also seems like he would be a real pretentious tool to be around too. I’m so confuse-ed!

  34. sunshine

    The necklace – not so manly, the SHOES???? Saddle shoes with Barney laces?

  35. Rat

    Rick iLake?
    So he’s a chubby chaser.

  36. Whinnyhouse

    Who is he? he’s cute, touch of the Depps about him.

  37. #34. That’s what the “anger bang” is for, or “hate sex” works well to.

    ie: ” I hate you… fuck me now NOW!”
    “you repulse me… I want you inside me!”

  38. Lois

    Ugh, that Stone Phillips….he’s the kind of guy you hate until he’s inside ya.

  39. once again

    She is the true o-bomb. great rack and batt. Love you so much ms paris. qui qui!!!!!!!

  40. The Laughing God

    @28: Speaking of Jamie, she is chromosomally XY, making her a male with Y chromosome inactivation, take that all men who beat off to her strip scene in True Lies!

    You can have sex with Paris Hilton, but that involves filling her vagina with shalack and waiting for the gel resin to cool to a comfortable temperature. No need to worry about her feeling anything, she is numb down there anyway, STDs stripped away all the myelin on the dorsal root nerve fibers

    Further, sex with heavy set women can be more enjoyable. They can be a little starved for attention, due to social standards, and very grateful when someone actually treats them nice. Plus there is more cushion for the pushin’ and that is always nice.

  41. Bob

    I saw John Mayer up close a couple weeks back on a cruise ship. He looks a lot better in person–and honestly, a lot manlier too.

    Kudos to him for ditching Paris. I’d normally say that any booty is good booty, but there are limits. Nice to see that John has them too.

  42. misery bunny

    hair styled by queef. the windblown look.

  43. misery bunny

    i agree w/ the poster above. Mayer knows that the number of times he rejects Paris is proportional to the amount of other poon he can get. people who mack with paris self-id as mutual infectees and valtrex users.

  44. Debbie

    We should put this douche on the north pole – the shadow from his enormous douchebaggy head would help slow the melting of the polar ice cap.

  45. Biff Henderson

    If he has no game, how did he supposedly get Heidi Klum and Jessica?

  46. Debbie

    PTSD: “Remove the “down” from the headline and we are on to something” HAAAAAHHH!!!

  47. Mohn Jayer

    He didn’t want to take a daily does of penicillin for the next 6 months

  48. No one wants their wanker to rot off….even if you never get to use it like John.

  49. carly

    Goooo John! lol

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