John Mayer took to his Twitter last night to deny rumors he’s sleeping with Kristin Cavallari (above) of The Hills:
Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.
A fitting response, but just as was I starting to think John Mayer is only 95% douche, he kept going. Because why have one clever quip when you can make a bunch of lame ones and hope they reel in some Internet trim?
I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.
My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.
I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.
In hindsight, John Mayer could’ve probably saved himself a lot of time by simply tweeting “I need everyone to think I’m super hip, and in return, I’ll pay off your credit bills after you touch my penis.”
Particle)Man | September 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
R-FIST!
John needs to be looking up Audrina if he wants to go The Hills route. I’d god vengeance that shit.
austinjames | September 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
…i find him funny
KIKI | September 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
That is the dumbest denial of dating I have ever heard. Milli Vanilli? What?
7up | September 10, 2009 at 11:05 am
I would like to high five him with a sledge hammer.
Mr. Notadouche | September 10, 2009 at 11:08 am
Oh, Thank God John Mayer let us know what he has to say about something!
Mayer | September 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
I have never oodled her caboodle with my noodle.
colored | September 10, 2009 at 11:14 am
Y’all are sippin’ the hater-ade
Rhymin with John | September 10, 2009 at 11:16 am
I have never toodled in her toilet.
Kristin C. | September 10, 2009 at 11:19 am
I have never shagged this super fag.
Anyone? | September 10, 2009 at 11:24 am
How about this John,
I have never sang a different sounding song.
ROUGH daddy | September 10, 2009 at 11:25 am
Who care about this floater, except some broads whose self esteem are on life support.
Gee | September 10, 2009 at 11:27 am
This fellow is supposed to be a songwriter? Dr. Seuss would beat him to a pulp.
KIKI | September 10, 2009 at 11:30 am
Aw Rough, I was waiting for your simile! Don’t let me down.
Aust Outback | September 10, 2009 at 11:44 am
John meyer is that one mexican bus boy with attitude.
Peter Pumpkin Eater | September 10, 2009 at 12:26 pm
What a Twitterfag!
Infected | September 10, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Old Johnny understand sthat to “HI V” someone is give them AIDS, right?
Oliver Chester The Molester Lester | September 10, 2009 at 1:25 pm
If it weren’t for the fact he plays a mean guitar, I would’ve taken a crap in that thing he calls a mouth.
Strange Botwin | September 10, 2009 at 1:56 pm
John Mayer is funny. This blogger is not. That simple. Oh wait, it’s a tad more complex. John Mayer is talented. This blogger is not. There, that nails it.
Alex | September 10, 2009 at 3:11 pm
He doesn’t have a hair on his ass if he didn’t say, “She’s never Heckler’d my Koch.”
Taylor | September 10, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Hey John…youbetter marry SOMEBODY soon, buddy, cuz you are getting uglier every day…..I never believed Kristin would have dated you, so don’t worry……
Beastman AIDS | September 10, 2009 at 5:00 pm
“I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.” – is hilarious and something i’d expect fish to write himself.
The rest of the tweet is kinda lame.
haloo | September 10, 2009 at 5:45 pm
There’s a whole lotta gay in that little queer’s twitters
Martina | September 10, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Sorry Kristin, Audrina’s the only one who’s seen his wienahh …
carmen | September 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm
beautiful woman her combat index to 3200.. is she still stay with her husband.. someone posted on yahoo answers that she has an profile on an online site ~~~~Sugarloves.Com~~~~ you know it is a bad site for rich men to seek sexy girls.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ETphonehome | September 10, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Tweating..Twitter…Bunch of fags
Marie | September 11, 2009 at 12:23 am
What a pathetic douche bag. Pathetic desperate women date this piece of shit. Enough pathetic women put this jerk in Hollywood.
estetik | September 11, 2009 at 5:44 am
she looks lovely..
Rhialto | September 11, 2009 at 9:00 am
I’ve no idea what’s going on and no i’m also not going to google it.
Galtacticus | September 11, 2009 at 9:03 am
#28
Why don’t you try Yahoo or Bing this time?
Darth | September 11, 2009 at 9:10 am
Why isn’t he diddling her? What’s wrong with her?
Çene Esteti?i | October 16, 2009 at 4:08 am
Do not some big glasses?
vajinismus tedavisi | June 8, 2010 at 10:56 am
she looks lovely..