John Mayer is not diddling Kristin Cavallari
John Mayer took to his Twitter last night to deny rumors he’s sleeping with Kristin Cavallari (above) of The Hills:
Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.
A fitting response, but just as was I starting to think John Mayer is only 95% douche, he kept going. Because why have one clever quip when you can make a bunch of lame ones and hope they reel in some Internet trim?
I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.
My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.
I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.
In hindsight, John Mayer could’ve probably saved himself a lot of time by simply tweeting “I need everyone to think I’m super hip, and in return, I’ll pay off your credit bills after you touch my penis.”