At long last the mystery of why the hell Jennifer Aniston is dating John Mayer has been solved: He’s got a monster wang. NY Daily News reports on this shocking development:
“She’s just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character,” said one spy.
The reason can’t just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson’s sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner’s ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he’s a great guy, but because he’s a “great” guy, if you know what we mean.
“His body actually is a wonderland,” one ex was overheard saying.
I know what some of you are saying: “John Mayer has sex with Jennifer Aniston, millions of dollars and he’s hung like Trogdor. How can you not be jealous?” To those particular people, all I have to say is, Didn’t I send you out for a John Mayer mask and wiener pills an hour ago? What’s the hold up?
NOTE: Pics link to previous post of Jennifer Aniston’s ass as seen from helicopters, tall buildings and this guy’s camera before he fell out of a palm tree. You died not in vain, sir.
Carrie | May 19, 2008 at 11:28 am
The Burninator. Nice.
ulu | May 19, 2008 at 11:28 am
TAKE ME AWAY JOHN!!!!!!!!! FRIST!
Carrie | May 19, 2008 at 11:28 am
The Burninator. Nice.
andie | May 19, 2008 at 11:35 am
I love this guy even more now.
I don’t even know what else to say. Some people are just lucky. I guess Jen is one of them.
Instead of me.
natuhlee87@mac.com | May 19, 2008 at 11:37 am
Thatch roof cottagesssss. Can’t blame Jen, it is the fault of the wang.
Quinn | May 19, 2008 at 11:40 am
She’ll end up nice and streched out like Jsimpson then. Cool, he won’t need a tent when they go camping.
Ted Mosby | May 19, 2008 at 11:43 am
John is also Long Dong Silver.
Damn the gods.
First Tim | May 19, 2008 at 11:44 am
is that mean Brad has a small one?
First Time | May 19, 2008 at 11:44 am
is that mean Brad has a small one?
Tom Cruise | May 19, 2008 at 11:45 am
Close, but no cigar, if you know what I mean. John’s bigger-than-usual anatomy is in the back, not the front, and it’s from over-use. Just a few weeks ago we played “Mission Impossible 3″ (anal sex 3 times in 1 hour). He’s amazing.
Jacks - 54 | May 19, 2008 at 11:47 am
Yes, but does he know how to use it?
but still i dont find him attractive at all….
SevanSins | May 19, 2008 at 11:48 am
C’mon, didn’t you mean to write, “John Mayer IS a huge Penis”.
havoc | May 19, 2008 at 11:49 am
Uh-huh…….
All guys have a small dick, until you try to stick it in her ass.
LMAO……
dude | May 19, 2008 at 11:57 am
John Mayer has a huge penis*
*this message paid for by John Mayer’s publicist and John Mayer
pistache268 | May 19, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Maybe it’s because he’s a dragonman.
lola | May 19, 2008 at 12:11 pm
They surely make a very pretty couple… don’t hate Mayer for that!
Just wonder why does he have to date half Hollywood, isn’t his music good enough to make him famous? Or does he just make music to get to f*ck all those women?
Hope he can catch up with Jennifer relationship-wise and learn to develop a deep connection… or will it be her who will catch up with his superficiality… wait, I don’t really know who’s the mos superficial one…
OC Dee | May 19, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I suspect John is an attentive lover to his celebritiy girlfriends and having a big member is definitely a plus.
mea so cwasy | May 19, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I lola. I spek enlash goods.
Auntie Kryst | May 19, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Hmm, so Enzyte really works..
Andie | May 19, 2008 at 12:24 pm
AS IF Jennifer Aniston would WANT to be stabbed by a giant penis!!! Can’t hold onto a man, no kids, neurotic whiner, cold. She’s the exact opposite of the type of chick who loves to fuck with abandon and get pounded by a huge cock. If she IS infatuated with Mayer, it’s because he has a small, nonthreatening cock to go with his wimpy approval-seeking personality.
John Mayer is a Fugly Hack | May 19, 2008 at 12:24 pm
He always looks like he needs a shower. I think he’s gross. Desperate Jen can have him (and all the other desperate chicks who throw themselves at this loser talentless hand-job of a man..
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 19, 2008 at 12:25 pm
He turns out the lights and wears a strap-on, people. Then he pulls out and spits on their backs to fake orgasm.
mike | May 19, 2008 at 12:27 pm
sounds like 24 knows all too well
dude in irvine | May 19, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Cue OC Dee to profess love for John Mayer.
OC Dee: I am larger and more attentive than John Mayer. And definitely better looking (though that’s not saying much). Also more humble.
andie | May 19, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I don’t care I think he’s hot.
A hot guy that can play guitar, sing, has money, AND a big dick?
Hell yeah!
FRIST!!! | May 19, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Ok FINE, John, I’ll go out with you!!
Anony | May 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Haha…quite the opposite. His body is lacking in that one area…for reals.
Annie | May 19, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I saw John Mayer’s pic with the swimsuit like Borat.
I did not see a big thing……..but if you say so…
Mal Gusto | May 19, 2008 at 12:39 pm
It is gratifying that in this world where we try to equalize everyone, and minimize our biological differences, that the guy with the giant wang still gets the hot girls. Well done John. BTW, Jen has a cute ass. I hope he doesn’t ruin it.
OC Dee | May 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm
#25
Thanks for the reminder Dude in Irvine :-)
You sound hot! Are you tall too?
I love John Mayer! He rocks! Can’t wait to see him in concert this summer in Irvine CA!
getty | May 19, 2008 at 12:41 pm
you go Jen Aniston :) at least he has something in his pants and is not trying to compensate with big cars and motorcycles like someone else… SERIOUSLY, DOES ANYMONE KNOW HOW MANY CARS, MOTORCYCLES, PRIVATE PLANES, HELICOPTERS AND BOATS BRAD PITT HAS? for me it sounds like at least 20 of each…
noneyobeezwax | May 19, 2008 at 12:44 pm
i wish i had a big cock, but alas god has smited me. ergo, i eat pussy like it’s nobodys business
andie | May 19, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Ok, where are the PHOTOS?
We are bombarded with all sorts of chicks flashing their privates, where are the pictures of this?
I’m not kidding. I want pornographic, er, photographic evidence.
I’m waiting.
tommy salami | May 19, 2008 at 12:58 pm
lets have a penis contest…john you go first…………….on my turn i will pull just enough of my massive dick of death out to win.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 19, 2008 at 1:09 pm
My dick is so big, it’s got it’s own zip code and legal system.
ball buster | May 19, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Yuck, big dicks are painful. All girls know that. It’s all a myth. Medium sized is best.
eh | May 19, 2008 at 1:21 pm
@34 i with you, i want evidence damn it
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 19, 2008 at 1:28 pm
My dick is so big, it has it’s own dick… and it’s dick is bigger than your dick.
Joco | May 19, 2008 at 2:39 pm
It’s a lie. I took him up the rear and didn’t even flinch
Superevil | May 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I’ve got a huge one too but you don’t see me dating Jennifer Aniston, mainly because I have standards.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Actually, if I had a nickle for everytime some chick told me I had a huge cock, I’d have, well, a nickle…
Jessica | May 19, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I love these two together.. I’ve felt bad for Jen ever since Brad left. I appreciate that John leaves women who don’t have what it takes mentally to keep him interested and isn’t fame whoring.
Dixie | May 19, 2008 at 3:26 pm
In my experience it seems like guys 6 feet and up have cocks 6″ and up. I had a lover and he was 5’10″ and his cock was so small at around 3 inches hard. I did not even choke when I gave him oral because my entire mouth could easily take him. John Mayer is sexy and I love his music.
Erica | May 19, 2008 at 3:35 pm
God, he is offically perfect. He’s gorgeous, his lyrics are beautiful, great singing. guitar skills, AND NOW A BIG PENIS! Can’t get any better than him. Well, hopefully he’s funny. Then he would be perfection. He’s pretty damn close. I still don’t give a shit about Jennifer..
Tina | May 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I hope nice fitting clothes come back in style for men so we can see John Mayer’s big package! I remember Ocean Pacific shorts. I could check out a mans legs, butt, and package! Those were the days! And I loved when guys would wear fitted Levis 501 jeans and I could check out the butt!
http://www.funderoos.com | May 19, 2008 at 3:44 pm
TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR!!! oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
SMD. | May 19, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Say what you need to say, John. I know what you’re saying. You want your monster cock in my nice vag. If you want, my ass too. My jiggle-free ass.
Emily | May 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm
http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/8251/12025914dp9.jpg
;)
dude in irvine | May 19, 2008 at 3:55 pm
If 5’10″ is tall, then yes. I knew you were going to mention the concert in Irvine! LOL. How old are you?
Lil | May 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm
#50
I just saw the photo that you posted of yourself and I have never seen a mans balls hang lower than his cock!