John Mayer has a huge penis

May 18th, 2008 // 78 Comments


At long last the mystery of why the hell Jennifer Aniston is dating John Mayer has been solved: He’s got a monster wang. NY Daily News reports on this shocking development:

“She’s just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character,” said one spy.
The reason can’t just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson’s sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner’s ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he’s a great guy, but because he’s a “great” guy, if you know what we mean.
“His body actually is a wonderland,” one ex was overheard saying.

I know what some of you are saying: “John Mayer has sex with Jennifer Aniston, millions of dollars and he’s hung like Trogdor. How can you not be jealous?” To those particular people, all I have to say is, Didn’t I send you out for a John Mayer mask and wiener pills an hour ago? What’s the hold up?

NOTE: Pics link to previous post of Jennifer Aniston’s ass as seen from helicopters, tall buildings and this guy’s camera before he fell out of a palm tree. You died not in vain, sir.

superficial

  1. Carrie

    The Burninator. Nice.

  2. ulu

    TAKE ME AWAY JOHN!!!!!!!!! FRIST!

  3. Carrie

    The Burninator. Nice.

  4. andie

    I love this guy even more now.
    I don’t even know what else to say. Some people are just lucky. I guess Jen is one of them.
    Instead of me.

  5. natuhlee87@mac.com

    Thatch roof cottagesssss. Can’t blame Jen, it is the fault of the wang.

  6. Quinn

    She’ll end up nice and streched out like Jsimpson then. Cool, he won’t need a tent when they go camping.

  7. Ted Mosby

    John is also Long Dong Silver.

    Damn the gods.

  8. First Tim

    is that mean Brad has a small one?

  9. First Time

    is that mean Brad has a small one?

  10. Tom Cruise

    Close, but no cigar, if you know what I mean. John’s bigger-than-usual anatomy is in the back, not the front, and it’s from over-use. Just a few weeks ago we played “Mission Impossible 3″ (anal sex 3 times in 1 hour). He’s amazing.

  11. Yes, but does he know how to use it?
    but still i dont find him attractive at all….

  12. SevanSins

    C’mon, didn’t you mean to write, “John Mayer IS a huge Penis”.

  13. havoc

    Uh-huh…….

    All guys have a small dick, until you try to stick it in her ass.

    LMAO……

  14. dude

    John Mayer has a huge penis*

    *this message paid for by John Mayer’s publicist and John Mayer

  15. pistache268

    Maybe it’s because he’s a dragonman.

  16. lola

    They surely make a very pretty couple… don’t hate Mayer for that!
    Just wonder why does he have to date half Hollywood, isn’t his music good enough to make him famous? Or does he just make music to get to f*ck all those women?
    Hope he can catch up with Jennifer relationship-wise and learn to develop a deep connection… or will it be her who will catch up with his superficiality… wait, I don’t really know who’s the mos superficial one…

  17. OC Dee

    I suspect John is an attentive lover to his celebritiy girlfriends and having a big member is definitely a plus.

  18. mea so cwasy

    I lola. I spek enlash goods.

  19. Auntie Kryst

    Hmm, so Enzyte really works..

  20. Andie

    AS IF Jennifer Aniston would WANT to be stabbed by a giant penis!!! Can’t hold onto a man, no kids, neurotic whiner, cold. She’s the exact opposite of the type of chick who loves to fuck with abandon and get pounded by a huge cock. If she IS infatuated with Mayer, it’s because he has a small, nonthreatening cock to go with his wimpy approval-seeking personality.

  21. John Mayer is a Fugly Hack

    He always looks like he needs a shower. I think he’s gross. Desperate Jen can have him (and all the other desperate chicks who throw themselves at this loser talentless hand-job of a man..

  22. He turns out the lights and wears a strap-on, people. Then he pulls out and spits on their backs to fake orgasm.

  23. mike

    sounds like 24 knows all too well

  24. dude in irvine

    Cue OC Dee to profess love for John Mayer.

    OC Dee: I am larger and more attentive than John Mayer. And definitely better looking (though that’s not saying much). Also more humble.

  25. andie

    I don’t care I think he’s hot.
    A hot guy that can play guitar, sing, has money, AND a big dick?

    Hell yeah!

  26. Ok FINE, John, I’ll go out with you!!

  27. Anony

    Haha…quite the opposite. His body is lacking in that one area…for reals.

  28. Annie

    I saw John Mayer’s pic with the swimsuit like Borat.
    I did not see a big thing……..but if you say so…

  29. Mal Gusto

    It is gratifying that in this world where we try to equalize everyone, and minimize our biological differences, that the guy with the giant wang still gets the hot girls. Well done John. BTW, Jen has a cute ass. I hope he doesn’t ruin it.

  30. OC Dee

    #25

    Thanks for the reminder Dude in Irvine :-)

    You sound hot! Are you tall too?

    I love John Mayer! He rocks! Can’t wait to see him in concert this summer in Irvine CA!

  31. getty

    you go Jen Aniston :) at least he has something in his pants and is not trying to compensate with big cars and motorcycles like someone else… SERIOUSLY, DOES ANYMONE KNOW HOW MANY CARS, MOTORCYCLES, PRIVATE PLANES, HELICOPTERS AND BOATS BRAD PITT HAS? for me it sounds like at least 20 of each…

  32. noneyobeezwax

    i wish i had a big cock, but alas god has smited me. ergo, i eat pussy like it’s nobodys business

  33. andie

    Ok, where are the PHOTOS?
    We are bombarded with all sorts of chicks flashing their privates, where are the pictures of this?

    I’m not kidding. I want pornographic, er, photographic evidence.

    I’m waiting.

  34. tommy salami

    lets have a penis contest…john you go first…………….on my turn i will pull just enough of my massive dick of death out to win.

  35. My dick is so big, it’s got it’s own zip code and legal system.

  36. ball buster

    Yuck, big dicks are painful. All girls know that. It’s all a myth. Medium sized is best.

  37. eh

    @34 i with you, i want evidence damn it

  38. My dick is so big, it has it’s own dick… and it’s dick is bigger than your dick.

  39. Joco

    It’s a lie. I took him up the rear and didn’t even flinch

  40. Superevil

    I’ve got a huge one too but you don’t see me dating Jennifer Aniston, mainly because I have standards.

  41. Actually, if I had a nickle for everytime some chick told me I had a huge cock, I’d have, well, a nickle…

  42. Jessica

    I love these two together.. I’ve felt bad for Jen ever since Brad left. I appreciate that John leaves women who don’t have what it takes mentally to keep him interested and isn’t fame whoring.

  43. Dixie

    In my experience it seems like guys 6 feet and up have cocks 6″ and up. I had a lover and he was 5’10″ and his cock was so small at around 3 inches hard. I did not even choke when I gave him oral because my entire mouth could easily take him. John Mayer is sexy and I love his music.

  44. Erica

    God, he is offically perfect. He’s gorgeous, his lyrics are beautiful, great singing. guitar skills, AND NOW A BIG PENIS! Can’t get any better than him. Well, hopefully he’s funny. Then he would be perfection. He’s pretty damn close. I still don’t give a shit about Jennifer..

  45. Tina

    I hope nice fitting clothes come back in style for men so we can see John Mayer’s big package! I remember Ocean Pacific shorts. I could check out a mans legs, butt, and package! Those were the days! And I loved when guys would wear fitted Levis 501 jeans and I could check out the butt!

  46. TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR!!! oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

  47. SMD.

    Say what you need to say, John. I know what you’re saying. You want your monster cock in my nice vag. If you want, my ass too. My jiggle-free ass.

  48. If 5’10″ is tall, then yes. I knew you were going to mention the concert in Irvine! LOL. How old are you?

  49. Lil

    #50

    I just saw the photo that you posted of yourself and I have never seen a mans balls hang lower than his cock!

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