John Mayer goes on insane offense against Jennifer Aniston break-up rumors

John Mayer decided to unleash a fury of words on some photographers following him around Saturday in New York. He’s tired of rumors that he cheated on Jennifer Aniston and/or didn’t want to impregnate her no matter how many times she threatened to “nipple his goddamn eyes out.” You might not see those exact words down below, but I’m 90% sure they’re what John Mayer really meant.. Us Magazine reports:

“If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody. Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met. She’s one of the most lovely people I’ve ever met in my life and I’m going through something that’s a very personal thing and you have to give that up. You have to give everything up because you can’t have it all and it sucks.
“I’m sorry that the story’s not interesting, but it’s about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she’s great.”
Mayer reflected on the situation as “the most normal thing in the world – There’s no lying, there’s no cheating. There’s no nothing.

John Mayer then flipped out on a reporter who asked if he was currently seeing anyone else:

“Why are you asking me that question? I’m being as honest as I can possibly can be,” he responded. “I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.
“I don’t do ‘the taper,'” he continued. “I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how. And I’m going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I’m going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.”

Jesus, John Mayer, the guy was just asking a follow-up question. It’s sort of his job. Flipping out on him is like someone interrupting a show to ask why you’re singing songs that make them want to shove a flaming torch in their ear. We all got bills to pay. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my penis isn’t going to make jokes about itself.