John Mayer goes on insane offense against Jennifer Aniston break-up rumors

August 17th, 2008 // 46 Comments

John Mayer decided to unleash a fury of words on some photographers following him around Saturday in New York. He’s tired of rumors that he cheated on Jennifer Aniston and/or didn’t want to impregnate her no matter how many times she threatened to “nipple his goddamn eyes out.” You might not see those exact words down below, but I’m 90% sure they’re what John Mayer really meant.. Us Magazine reports:

“If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody. Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met. She’s one of the most lovely people I’ve ever met in my life and I’m going through something that’s a very personal thing and you have to give that up. You have to give everything up because you can’t have it all and it sucks.
“I’m sorry that the story’s not interesting, but it’s about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she’s great.”
Mayer reflected on the situation as “the most normal thing in the world – There’s no lying, there’s no cheating. There’s no nothing.

John Mayer then flipped out on a reporter who asked if he was currently seeing anyone else:

“Why are you asking me that question? I’m being as honest as I can possibly can be,” he responded. “I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.
“I don’t do ‘the taper,’” he continued. “I guarantee you [that] 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don’t know how. And I’m going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I’m going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.”

Jesus, John Mayer, the guy was just asking a follow-up question. It’s sort of his job. Flipping out on him is like someone interrupting a show to ask why you’re singing songs that make them want to shove a flaming torch in their ear. We all got bills to pay. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my penis isn’t going to make jokes about itself.


  1. joeysuckscok


  2. Barak Obama

    Nice man purse you freaking homo.

  3. John Mayer

    her face was too ugly and she was too old.

  4. UrineToxicated

    Somethin’s up w/that girl. I’m tellin ya….

  5. deathstar

    I think what you meant to say was that he is insanely offensive.

  6. rough daddy

    if she was so smart shed have some kids when she was married…

  7. We know now his “REAL AGE” folks.

  8. GG1000

    OK, that answer’s the great question “who dumped whom”? She’s smiling and waving at photogs and “no commenting” and he’s raving psychotically on streetcorners!

  9. psq12

    good for him. it’s about time somebody does the right thing/this in hollywood. i think it’s great that Jen and him decided to have a drama free break-up, unlike their fellow celebrities.

  10. He’s currently in a relationship with his left hand… and a bottle of Jergens.

  11. noneyobeezwax

    #10 – i’m sure that’s who he was cheating on her with. probably because she’s a cock tease and a lousy lay.

    lousy lay
    lousy lay

  12. Mark

    What a poor guy~~Don’t care much more about these things and forget them. Cos there is a good choice for you,, will be a right place for you guys who is eager to love

  13. crabby old guy

    Douche, douche, douche, Douche of Earl, Earl, Earl…”

    A little trip in our “wayback machine” for the “Balad of John and Jennifer”.

    Just me and my Little Flat Friends, My Stax o’ Wax, another Golden Nugget, ’cause you duggit”.

    Okay, I’ll stop now. Too much caffine. Or was it the crank?

  14. JimmyBachaFungool

    Combination of two things broke them up. Her vagitosis and he’s gay as is evident with his pocketbook.

  15. Capers

    FURTHER proof (as if anymore was necessary) that John Mayer is a DICK…..”No chemistry”, indeed!….Who would WANT to have chemistry with such a nonfunny FUGLY thing as yourself?! Attention all Hollywood actresses and women EVERYWHERE: Leave this wishy washy, gross and smelly, ” nobody is ever gonna be good enough for swell me” bastard ALONE…He writes a couple of “ok” songs and thinks he is GOD’S GIFT TO WOMEN….Let’s finally reveal to him the TRUTH…that he is actually only a creepy, icky, slimey, stinky, icky, icky LOSER.

  16. Sam

    “There’s no nothing.”

    WHOOPS! He accidentally let the truth slip out about Jen.

  17. rough daddy

    whats with the asbestos pants, flowers for tats, and san francisco male purse?

  18. Beth

    All those words. Johnny-boy, try some honesty: “This act gets me shitloads of girls and I want to fuck them all and Jen didn’t want me to, so she had to go.” The end.

  19. bizzerk

    Say what you will … but this guy get’s some grade A vag.

  20. Ann

    He really wanted us to know he broke it off with Jen!!!!!!!!
    Then he threw the dog a bone by saying she is one of the most lovely people, if that was so he would have stayed with her. He is saying hey I got the hell out of that crazy hole.
    Jen looks crazier than before now-she blew it bothering with him.

  21. havoc

    Calling them “reporters” is the joke in all this…..

    What the paps need is a good old fashioned Hamas welcome….


  22. rough daddy

    if jen want to keep a man she has got to get rid of the word “I” in her vocabulary…
    I want to excell in my career
    I want a baby
    I need this
    I need that

  23. missywiisy (evil)

    Didn’t he say that same shit about Jessica Simpson, that she’s a great person and all? Kind of makes me wonder what he’s going through that he couldn’t hack it with Jennifer Aniston. It was obvious Brad Pitt was going through something while with her because he had that long beard and looked like he was high a lot. Jennifer Aniston must make men realize the reality of themselves. Which makes her Superficial. She owns this place. Really.

  24. reply

    Obvious there was no chemistry. Two people/extreme opposites. He: carefree, laconic, laid back, spontaneous. She: anal, stoic, serious, cold.

  25. 21st century digital boy

    If you think the smartest and most sophisticated person you’ve ever met is Jennifer Aniston, you just might be a retard… and a terrible liar.

  26. Chris

    John Mayer understands women. He understands their emotionality, their fragile sense of self-esteem, their sensitivity to others and how it entails a similar sensitivity to what others think of them. Most of all, he understands the yearning they have…to suck a nice big cock.

  27. OC Dee

    I don’t care what negative things people post about John because I believe differently. John has proven he is not just another successful pop star, but can also play the blues as proven on his great sounding Continuum CD; he is a great performer and can jam on the guitar. I loved watching him perform in Irvine CA and his song list was great. John is an attractive, tall, talented man that writes, sings, and plays his own music and he has sexy full lips and thick hair, and I love his funny and demented sense of humor. John is having a great time having relationships and flings with attractive women. Enjoy yourself John. Any woman getting involved with John should not expect commitment from him and just enjoy herself while it last.

  28. cookiepuss

    He has soo many issues. I guess Jen wasn’t a fan of the watersports

  29. JimmyBachaFungool

    Seriously, I heard her pussy reeks.

  30. Capers

    Ok, how can I say this in the nicest possible way……you must be a gay man, because no woman would approve of casual sex and using women….Why don’t you go ahead and post your phone number, cuz I think you are hoping he reads your words and asks YOU out….(‘course then, you might will feel differently about him when he dumps your ass, too)…..

  31. somuchbetter

    I don’t know. There’s gotta be something about that girl. I mean she appears normal, but she’s gotta be crazy. Have you ever seen her in movies? I think that’s the only way she ever got a decent role.

    I mean, I look normal, and I’m crazy. Crazier than shit. Who wants my number?

  32. Pearl


    You just don’t understand powerful, attractive, fit, smart, sexy women that can read men and have a high sex drive. We understand men and know how to profile them. It is hard to pull off what John has managed to do being famous because everyone is in his business but in the real world women like me and Dee enjoy talented sexy successful men and great sex. We just have to be discreet because we are misunderstood females. I bet John gives great satisfying sex when he is into his partner. You rock my world John!

  33. venomhed

    In other words, Jennifer’s pussy stinks and/or she is horrible in bed!

    Just being honest. He tries to make her sound like the best woman on earth when obviously Jen was trying to get her way, her rules, right now.

    Give me a fucking baby!

    Call it like it is John. She tried to corner you into doing something most men don’t want, fucking kids, period.

  34. Chelle

    Geez, can’t that poor little dude afford some clothes yet? He looks like he just stole that get up from a homeless person. There must not be much money in singing whiny songs.

  35. Fumus

    John Mayer is the man, anyone who disagrees with me clearly is a terrorist or some kind of music hating swamp montser(e.g. the superficial writer). But seriously, John should have a sense of humor about this whole thing, why act like an ass? I mean, c’mon you’re a superstar your dating another superstar, of course people are gonna wanna hear about why you broke up. Maybe he’ll write a song about it on his new album “I’m banging new women not named Jennifer Aniston because I got bored of that pussy”

  36. zuzuspetals

    I wish that Jennifer Aniston would go on Oprah and say “Suddenly one day, Oprah, right in the middle of eating a BLT I realized I was sitting across from the biggest asshat in history. I had grown tired of his sensitive songs, and the fact that a nine year-old girl could probably kick his ass in less than a minute, and all of his self-absorbed rambling about the dark neighborhoods in his soul, and all of the other ass-hattery. I had this urge to stab him in the forehead with my fork, but instead I devised a plan to make him think that he had broken up with me- because I knew regardless of what happened, he would go write on his blog (seriously, is he a nine-year old girl himself?) and tell the world that he had broken up with me, because that’s how he rolls. And that’s why I’m a free woman today, Oprah. And I’ll never date a douchebag again- I’ve learned my lesson!”
    I wish she would tell Oprah that, but she won’t. She has way too much class.

  37. Jackie

    If Jen thought she could get John to fall in love with her and marry her just like Brad then she was dellusional. Brad has a different personality than John. Brad is loyal and wanted to start a family but Jen did not. Brad found a hot female that wanted a family and went for it and left Jen behind. Jen and Brad were married for 7 years and Jen still did not want kids at the time. When there are no kids involved than bailing out is not as bad as if kids are involved. Any female that gets involved with John and expects a committment is crazy. And by the way; I am a huge John Mayer fan.

  38. Capers

    # 36, Zuzuspetals: LOVE you. That was so perfectly expressed.
    # 32 You are a slut.

  39. Mona


    Powerful men are brilliant and powerful women are sluts; now go read your tabloid magazine.

    This is an old picture because John has a cute buzz cut now.

    John Mayer rocks my world!

  40. Camel Toe

    Fuck john mayer.A fucking world class tool.

  41. zagge

    he is missinf her now. But she has gone gone gone

  42. zagge

    he is missinf her now. But she has gone gone gone

  43. fifi

    He looks so much like a gay. Apparently she did not have a right organ to please him.

  44. Carnal

    what can i possibly say that everyone else has already said – jennifer anniston has annoyed people and fueled the kill fantasies of many for years since that godawful show Friends (the entire cast should be dipped in boiling oil but especially Pheobe). – her career has gone down the tubes since and alot of us can only be thankful for that – and lord how we cheered when Angelina Jolie went and stole her hubby right from under her nose and she fell into what everyone thought would be a permanent depression (one can only still hope).

    john mayer is a terrible musician and everytime hes on camera it only reminds me of how much id like to twist him into pretzel – he’s obviously doing drugs (my guess is either coke or herion (take your pick) the way he rants on and on about absolutely nothing in particular like all people on hard drugs tend to do.

    and now that anniston is knocked up with his two kids it looks like shes bound for a suicide attempt anytime now and the last i saw her and mayer together in a photo he looked like he wanted to get the hell out of there so its puzzling to me – who is the biggest loser? its obviously a toss up.

  45. jim

    i think she’s got a smelly box. because she’s beautiful and her body is killer, unless she’s mental, but if if the pussy’s good, guys can deal with that. i think she’s sour in the unds.

  46. jim

    i think she’s got a smelly box. because she’s beautiful and her body is killer, unless she’s mental, but if if the pussy’s good, guys can deal with that. i think she’s sour in the unds.

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