John Mayer discusses banging Jessica Simpson

February 10th, 2010 // 73 Comments

Us Magazine got a hold of John Mayer’s upcoming interview for Playboy where he discusses everything from sex with Jessica Simpson to how he only banged a few groupies to get over Jennifer Aniston:

On Jessica Simpson:
“Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.’”

On Jennifer Aniston:
“There was a rumor that I’d been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’”

On nailing groupies to get over their break-up:
“I’m going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”

Wait. John Mayer has to jump through more hoops now than he did when he was a nobody in a local band? What the- ? Either he’s really that annoying in person or he lived in the sluttiest town in America which he should probably give me the name of. No, really, this place sounds like I could get laid ordering a sandwich if they’re banging Chatty Kathy here before he struck douche-gold.

superficial

  1. sireK

    First…..I would bang Jessica to…

  2. Andie

    Wow. Just wow. This man has no filter between his brain and his mouth. I love his music, but still. No tact.

  3. KaVe

    So… do we understand now why Brad Pitt left Anniston ???? She’s a boring high maintenence bitch…. assuming John Mayers claims are true which would make him more of a douche than he already is. YOU DON’T KISS AND TELL ASSHOLE !!!!

  4. Mr. Nice Guy

    I looks like a Fun Lay. I love her look, Tits, Eyes, Make Up, Hair, Dress even her Legs look good. I hope she finds what she wants and is Happy.

  5. Juan Mayor

    “Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you?”

    Somebody’s got a coke problem…

  6. Crusty

    Up to this point, I hadn’t cared much for John Mayer. But I now see he has a concert here in Houston in early May. I’m buying tickets straightaway, only because this little fart bag is now my hero.

    Nailing Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston in the same lifetime?

    Props, serious props.

  7. sfeiu

    It is reported that she has done very successfully on losing weight. Once she was a very beautiful fat lady. There’s many her blog on how did she lose weight on a bbw club named blackbbwcupid.com . Sounds interesting.

  8. mandy

    Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at- Agemingle @ c o m a nice and free site for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to- interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.

  9. KATHY

    Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at- Agemingle @ c o m a nice and free site for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to- interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.

  10. Crabby Old Guy

    For the love of all that is good and Holy, for someone just fucking beat John Mayer like a pinata stuffed with Snickers bars at a fat kid’s birthday party?!

  11. JR

    Goddamnit, John Mayer. Why do you have to be such a butt plug?? He’s so fucking annoying he makes the Jersey Shore kids look positively tolerable.

  12. ejit

    It’s like he has diarrhea of the mouth! I think he and Aniston broke up not so much because she was hoping for 1998, but because he thinks he’s a junior high kid who’s in like, the coolest band in the school! AND he’s dating the MILF! Yippee! Seriously, isn’t he over 30 or something? It’s like the older he gets, the more douchebaggier he becomes. Usually it’s the opposite.. I think it’s all the drugs he’s taking.

  13. ejit

    It’s like he has diarrhea of the mouth! I think he and Aniston broke up not so much because she was hoping for 1998, but because he thinks he’s a junior high kid who’s in like, the coolest band in the school! AND he’s dating the MILF! Yippee! Seriously, isn’t he over 30 or something? It’s like the older he gets, the more douchebaggier he becomes. Usually it’s the opposite.. I think it’s all the drugs he’s taking.

  14. whatever

    What a giant douche.

  15. Cate

    What an absolute pig.

  16. honest abe

    Yes, would also sell what I own for numerous $10,000 bangs from Jessica!

  17. Who cares

    If I was Jessica I’d be pretty damn flattered, this is the best publicity she’s had lately.

  18. whatever

    well now we know Jessica Simpson actually does have talent… too bad her dad sent her into showbiz instead of pimping her out on Hollywood Blvd…

  19. Steve O

    “3. KaVe – February 10, 2010 12:01 PM

    So… do we understand now why Brad Pitt left Anniston ???? She’s a boring high maintenence bitch…. assuming John Mayers claims are true which would make him more of a douche than he already is. YOU DON’T KISS AND TELL ASSHOLE !!!!”

    No, Brad left Jennifer because hes a fucking douche bag in his own right. I guarantee you that Jen isnt ‘boring and high maintenance’… fucking tard. Because some douche bag leaves her for one of the sexiest chicks of the past decade, that makes her boring? Because she said Myers a fucking idiot for doing so much ‘tweeting’ that makes her ‘high maintenance’ ?? How so? Newsflash, dickhead- tweeting IS for fucking retards, and his ‘tweets’ are so utterly asinine its no fucking wonder it got on her nerves. Shut your damn cockholster.

  20. Steve O

    “3. KaVe – February 10, 2010 12:01 PM

    So… do we understand now why Brad Pitt left Anniston ???? She’s a boring high maintenence bitch…. assuming John Mayers claims are true which would make him more of a douche than he already is. YOU DON’T KISS AND TELL ASSHOLE !!!!”

    No, Brad left Jennifer because hes a fucking douche bag in his own right. I guarantee you that Jen isnt ‘boring and high maintenance’… fucking tard. Because some douche bag leaves her for one of the sexiest chicks of the past decade, that makes her boring? Because she said Myers a fucking idiot for doing so much ‘tweeting’ that makes her ‘high maintenance’ ?? How so? Newsflash, dickhead- tweeting IS for fucking retards, and his ‘tweets’ are so utterly asinine its no fucking wonder it got on her nerves. Shut your damn cockholster.

  21. SO RIGHT

    Dear John – Your music is ok, but what’s wrong with you? It’s almost like you’re mentally not quite right.

  22. KIKI

    @20 Steve O, I love you man!

  23. Listen, if I was a celeb that got to bang a bunch of famous bitches as well as 10-20 groupies in a night, I’d talk about it too…I only get to bang average no-name bitches and I still tell everyone all the details…there is nothing wrong talking without a society filter, I don’t really like this douche, but I respect anyone who just says whatever the fuck they want…

  24. Particle)Man

    Bang with the wrath of a stepfather on his gingery stepson, I would.

  25. lololololol

    #5 it’s not a coke problem if you could still afford your habit.

  26. beep beep

    If John Mayer was sleeping, I’d poop in his mouth.

  27. slippy

    what a despicable little fuck.

  28. lololololol

    brad left jen because angelina is younger hotter & more fun while jen is a b list celeb ever since friends went off the air. seems like the only time we hear about jen is when she’s crying about wanting a baby, getting dumped, or showing that she can still work a bikini @ 40+. as far as john mayor goes, yes he’s a douche, but let’s not act like the b*tches he hooks up with don’t deserve it.

  29. Anon

    After watching Newlyweds I can’t imagine Jessica Simpson as sexual napalm.
    I wish it was true but I see her being very timid and shy

    I wouldn’t complain. At least she’s not acting like she would be the best lay ever only to find out shes frigid *cough*twitney*cough*

  30. phineas

    Good thing Jessica saved herself for marriage for years. I guess it cancels out banging John Mayer.

  31. @Superficial Writer

    You include all this yet fail to bash him on his statement where he considers his pen15 to be a white supremicist (sp) in the interview?

  32. Nameless

    Can’t hate on what John Mayer is saying here; he bangs crazy. Crazies are always good for a fun lay.

  33. Gwen

    What a slut. John Mayer, I mean.

  34. Vinnie the Chin

    John is a d-bag but this makes me want to bang Jessica even more.

  35. Ellen

    His music sucks ass.

  36. sarah

    john mayer’s from fairfield, ct. no one graduates high school a virgin here… nothing better to do!

  37. Whoa!

    John Mayor rocks! I wasn’t much of a fan but I am now.

  38. Takeia Bass

    What a fucking douche bag.

  39. Teri

    Jessica looks great

  40. Tuppy

    Jesus, is Mayer a piece of living shit or what? What an offensive little insect…

  41. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Jessica Looks GREAT! She lost all the weight she has gained. RESPECT!!!
    John Mayer is the biggest hypocrite – how can you write such puppy love songs and be so cynical at the same time. I felt like someone crapped in my eyes reading what he allegedly said.

  42. STFU

    Every time I see something posted here from one of this guy’s interviews I think it’s just Fish messing with us. I usually have to read it twice before I realize this really is the kind of shit that this idiot lets spill from his mouth.

  43. Andie

    Oh jeez. The ‘sexual napalm’ comment makes me think Jessica’s a squirter. Now excuse me while I go wash my brain with bleach.

  44. wow, very interesting to see what he is really like and what he really think!

  45. dontneeone

    jessica simpson good in bed? maybe so, just ask nick lachey, bam margera and johnny knoxville, they all has her at about the same time.

  46. Candice

    I’m honestly thinking John Mayer must have emotional problems, maybe self esteem issues. You’d just about have to, to run your mouth like that and not stop and really think or care about how people percieve you. All I know is, there are pretty much no classy ladies left who are going to want to sleep with the trash he’s become. All he’ll get from now on is increasingly sleazy, scummy girls with VD. Congrats Mr. Mayer, your days of scoring quality are over. Soon all you’ll be able to get will be the Shauna Sands and Daisy from Rock of Love types. How pathetic, and unenviable. And I’d sell all my shit and pay $10,000 to NOT have sex with you.

  47. Mitch

    He’s about one interview away from hanging out with Michael Lohan and John Gosselin

  48. Dick Face

    John is just one of many lucky cocks, but Jessica got turned out and learned all her pussy tricks with Nick Lachey who has to have something going on to keep that fine piece of ass Vanessa Minnillo coming back for more and more…Damn lucky mother fuckers.

  49. whatthe

    Huh, I always imagined having sex with Jessica Simpson would be like trying to fuck a mentally retarded and overweight Miss Piggy. I thought she would need to take a snack break halfway through, and then she’d fart as we climaxed.

  50. EZ

    What must Nick Lachey need? Jessica is sexual napalm and he still has to go to strip clubs? Yes, Jessica is stupid is as stupid does, but shhhiiiit! I’d be on the first plane to Haddiesburg, MS after leaving her, questioning “why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?” There just ain’t no rational answer!?

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