John Mayer: ‘Dumping Jennifer Aniston was like burning the American flag’

January 20th, 2010 // 76 Comments

John Mayer is the cover story for the latest issue of Rolling Stone where he opens about his love life to absolutely no one’s surprise because it’s John Mayer:

On Jennifer Aniston:
“I’m the asshole. I burned the American flag. I basically murdered an ideal.”

On relationships:
“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

On Tiger Woods’ problem:
“If Tiger Woods only knew when to jack off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.”

Two things:

1. You broke up with the most frigid bitch in the celebrity world. You didn’t destroy “America’s sweetheart.” You just proved you didn’t like sticking your penis in an icebox, Osama Bin Ego.

2. I’m glad someone else thinks masturbating solves everything. For a while there I thought I’d be the only one pants down during a nuclear attack going “C’mon, this sounded so good on paper…”

Photo: Rolling Stone

  1. douchehater


  2. justifiable

    #47 Thanks, Andie. I’d be more than happy to date you but you know, I’m just too exhausted from compulsive masturbation and having to explain myself to the other women out there that I’m sincerely interested in them to bother. OK, I’m lying, there are no women who are incredulous that I’m interested in them, it’s entirely due to the compulsive masturbation.

    I can give you Tiger Woods’ number, tho, I hear he’s available. ;)

  3. Andie

    You know, there’s a cure to compulsive masturbation! It’s called….*whispers* S-E-X! Beware, though, it may cause more exhaustion than the masturbation issue.

    But your friend Tiger can tell you all about that. Hehe. You know he’ll be at sex rehab gettin’ it on with the nastiest slut in the place!



    HE gets girls bcz of his rock status not becz of his crappy music.

    5 years from know this clown will be performing is barmitzvohs…and everybody would’ve forgotten abt him by then

  5. browny

    #42… tut, tut, do I detect the smell of burning martyr??? Um, I said, sometimes we want cuddles, love, respect etc, but ONLY from men we love and respect. Men who think the way you do: ie, ‘women who like sex are diseased whores’ are the ones WE don’t respect. YOU’RE the ones We use and then go off and tell our friends. See, we don’t respect YOU. We respect ourselves. We like sex and we get it when we want it…. and then chat to our friends about how good/bad/ indifferent it was. So, as I said, we decide what we do. We don’t depend on men like you to judge us because guess what??? We judge YOU. Men like John Mayer- a canary – we do him and then report back. I think that is very fair, don’t you??? LOL

  6. justifiable

    #53 Not true, don’t you believe it. The only sovereign cure for compulsive masturbation is either double amputation or accidentally hanging yourself in a closet in Bangkok.

  7. Blech

    Um, excuse me, Mr. John Mayer?

    Yeah, uh, when are you coming out of the closet?

  8. Ok.. it’s official.
    I’m taking the superficial off my Google reader page. Those damned animated advertisements for Rogers Cable are driving me nuts.

  9. He is so handsome I must say. His face is really cool and dashing. But he is looking funny with that tatoos . His eyes are also puffy .

  10. Andie

    You need your own blog. I’d read it every day! :)

  11. WTF???

    #55. DUMB bitch how hard is this to understand?

    The nice guys will NOT want to cuddle or love a girl who fucks around. You say you use some guys for sex and then tell your friends about it. Good guys don’t like women like that. How effing hard is it to understand? You will meet a good guy someday after all your using and reporting and want “love and cuddles” with him and he’ll say “why did you sleep with so many guys and then brag and/or rip them apart to your friends? Sorry I don’t want a skanky girl like you” and that is how you will find out that using guys like this douche will come to bite you in the ass because NO good guy wants to bring a John Mayer groupie or a girl who has used a bunch of guys for sex home to meet his mom. CAPICHE? You have described what you do and I am telling you that guys don’t EVER want to love a girl with your track record and you will regret your slutty ways when you finally realize that. You can’t demand that someone love you and when you behave so trashy you will find that no one wants to love a girl who has used a bunch of guys for sex. You don’t get to pick and choose, your history and reputation matters to a guy who wants a real relationship and guys don’t want love or commitment with girls who act the way you do.

    P.S. I love how you ignored the whole disease and pregnancy element since nothing is 100% safe.

  12. @61

    that’s what LYING is for, dumb dumb. Coming to a relationship near you..

  13. truth

    #62. Bad reputations spread fast moron. Theres something called a bro code and every guy you rail will be public about it and it will get back to the guy you actually care about and best of all your girlfriends will gossip about you behind your back. Women ALWAYS gossip and blab about their friends, there is no ho code because women are total bitches to each other and will throw their best friends under the bus any day of the week. The truth always comes out, especially if it’s about your sordid past. I guarantee you will get caught up in your lies and your bad reputation will ALWAYS surface.

    No ones loves a slut that is an age old rule and it always wins out in the end. Besides guys are a lot smarter than you give them credit for, you can lie all your want, but your loose snatch will always give you away and on top of it men can smell a slut a mile away, you can absolutely tell if a girl is a whore, even if the she acts like fucking Jackie Kennedy you can always smell a skank.

    By the way with every post you are just showing what a classless slut you are and it’s just sad, I pity any child you ever have and I bet you already do have one or will get knocked up very soon and you likely have a nice case of herpes too.

  14. @62

    Obviously, you love women who are related to you, that’s o.k I guess.

  15. justifiable

    #63 So, since you’re obviously are avoiding all these “sluts” who are out there having sex to dull the pain of your not bringing them home to meet mom, we can all assume you’re a virgin? Because you wouldn’t be so hypocritical as to have had meaningless sex with a woman you aren’t fully committed to, right? Because that would just make her a “slut” for some future “nice guy” like you to reject, right?

    P.S. So glad you’ve finally got that whole madonna/whore thing figured out.

  16. poison

    Fuck it’s so obvious that Jen Aniston dumped this dude, he just seems fucking bitter, and now he’s trying to come out on top. In the words Ulrich & Hettfield “Sad But fucking tru”

  17. dearest unjustified

    I suspect you won’t manage to read this whole post, but here it is anyway.

    #65. Nope it’s called being married and having only slept with the people I was in a committed relationship with and still using protection what’s so wrong with that? Are you actually advocating these girls who are proud of sleeping around with guys like this terd and then lying about their sexual past and pretending to be chaste innocent little sweethearts when in a serious relationship? Do you comprehend that condoms and birth control do not offer 100% protection? Who says I’m a guy? I think girls who areinsecure crave the attention they get during sex, for that moment the guy is focussed on them well at least one part of them, but afterwards a lot of girls don’t feel so great about hoping from bed to bed. I think constant meaningless sex is unhealthy and I have seen the effects it has over and over on men and women.

    I don’t buy into the concept of waiting until your married or not having any sexual liberties, the whore/Madonna black and white concept of women is sexist. I respect people who make the choice to wait until they are married. I love when people think they are open minded and ten trash the more conservative lifestyles. I am not religious, I do think some prior experience before marriage is healthy, but everyone is different and some people simply want to wait. As long as you are respecting yourself and being careful I don’t think there are set rules for anything int his life.

    I do however think any decent and intelligent guy or girl would have issue dating someone who constantly slept around with trash like John Mayer or the female equivalent; Paris Hilton. On top of it being proud enough to brag and give details to their friends about sleeping with low life
    s, but then lying to the person they have a real relationship with someday is pretty messed up. Lying isn’t exactly the best way to start off a real relationship, but I don’t suspect these girls will ever have a real or happy relationship. It shows a huge lack of intelligence to just have sex with any person you find attractive.
    Now “bring home to Mom” is an expression, mayvbe it’s outdated, hey plenty of people don’t even have relationships with their parents it was to make a point to a people I felt had a very hard time understanding a basic concept.

    I don’t have an issue with sexual freedom to an extent where it’s rational. I have an issue with people regularly banging people they have zero respect for who in turn have no respect for them. I do think that’s emotionally unhealthy for so many reasons. I think for many people sex becomes an addiction that replaces something they aren’t getting in or out of life. I hold the same beliefs for men as I do women and if it was a guy talking about how much he wanted to screw Paris Hilton and girls like her I would tell them the same thing. One day you will be embarrassed by your behavior and find that it may come back to haunt you. There is a big difference between having fun sexually and experimenting and being completely self destructive and ya call me crazy, but these girls sound insanely self destructive.

    There is the whole other issue of diseases and unwanted pregnancies, nothing works 100% of the time so every time you screw a person you have no respect for or want nothing to do with you run the risk of picking up a disease from them (fun times) some that can be lethal or completely incurable and affect your sex life for as long as you are active and on an even more serious level because it affects more than the almighty YOU and who you bang you run the risk of having a child with a person you don’t even want to talk to. I know several men paying through the nose for a kid they are never aloud to see and women who have had to explain to their child why daddy is a loser, have had to deal with threats and violence towards themselves and their child from the father because they never took the time to find out what kind of man he was and others who have had to go through the process of adoption or an abortion which is not as easy and emotion free as it sounds and can rear it’s head 20 years later in ways you never imagined. Try explaining to a kid why you didn’t want them, it’s not always so easy. So yeah with all those responsibilities attached to sex I wouldn’t recommend sexing every person you think is hot and on top of it being proud of doing so. People go through hell having kids with someone they were married to for years, imagine having a kid with someone you didn’t even know or like. Because so much can come from sex it’s not remotely conservative to think you should probably make a habit of generally having sex with people you like and respect.

    So yup I do think whether you are a guy or a girl having sex with people you have no respect for and whose medical health you know nothing about makes you a bit of a giant whore. Go ask Jude Law if he wished he hadn’t slept with that piece of trash gold digger or Sienna Miller if she wished she hadn’t slept around with that married father. There are countless women who wish they hadn’t given it to every guy who bought them a steak, I’m sure with her whole life being documented Britney Spears will wish she hadn’t slept around when her kids are old enough to read and understand that she banged that piece of shit paparazzo and Fred Durst. I know a lot of guys who wish they hadn’t slept around so much because their wives know so many of the girls they banged and they are just waiting for the day someone comes to the door and says “hey I’m your kid”.

    Do you let strangers off the street into your house? So why let them into your body? There are a lot of fucked up people out there so you are taking a lot of risks that one of the crazies you screw will just “oops get pregnant” or that the guy who you think looks so fit and hot has a disease he wants to give you because he hates the world and has no problem giving you his Hep C or his tasty AIDS. Sex is fun, exciting and positively awesome, but it’s not a joke and it carries a lot of responsibility.

    How have I come to know all this? Because I run a sexual health clinic with free counseling and I get to tell guys like you ( I am going to guess that you are in your 20′s or 30′s) that they have aids or watch their jaws drop when they realize the girl they don’t even like who they at least had the decency to take the clinic is carrying their child. How many times have I heard “but she said she was on the pill”. Of course I offer a lot of compassion to them and have for over a decade, I can’t tell you how many people have bawled their eyes out in my presence, but here in frustration sure I’ll let out my anger at some women who clearly do NOT respect themselves, their bodies or how easily they can suddenly become responsible for a young life. Almost everyone who comes here curses and blows off steam, that’ why people love this place.

    If you screw around that’s your choice, but there are emotional and medical consequences and you can easily end up with a child you never planned on with a woman you don’t even like let alone love or a disease that you will have to explain to every other woman you sleep with, well that is if you have the decency to and because I do work in the sexual health field I can firmly assert that meaningless sex does take it’s emotional total no matter how awesome of a lay you think you are and how much fun you think sex is.

    If you have been sexually active have you considered that you may have a kid out there? That is always a possibility, think of the girls you have slept with would you want to have a child with any of them? There is a big difference in having sex in committed relationships with a person you know and care about and just having random sex with people whose last name you don’t even know or people you can’t even stand in the light of day. The girls writing here seemed exceedingly proud of the fact they enjoyed sex with guys they didn’t even like or know anything about and seemed pretty oblivious to the risks and consequences. Since your other posts seem relatively intelligent I’m going to hope you don’t actually think that’s a great way to behave if you do well then have fun when you knock up a crazy bitch who takes you for every cent and never lets you see your kid or explaining to a girl that you do love “hey I kinda slept around when I was young and stupid so I have genital warts and condoms cannot protect the spread of them, i get flare ups and they are pretty scary looking and unpleasant”.

    I’m passionate about the work I do because since I was a teen I found it frightening to see how easily girls and guys were jumping into bed and I saw quite a few people I went to school with and many many people I modeled with (the fashion industry is one of the most extreme sexual depraved environments with total virgins becoming hardcore addicts… hmmm yep I think there is a correlation between attention and sex and as we see with Heidi Montag most things done for attention are pretty unhealthy) have their whole lives turned up side down because of it. There is a real problem in todays world with how irresponsible people are sexually and anyone who doesn’t see that I am afraid will likely realize it the hard way.

    In closing if you don’t like this long post, tough shit. The reality of irresponsible sex is far far more tedious that some long post and if you are going to pose simplistic and rather stupid questions you should be ready for a lengthy and comprehensive answer that negates your black and white thinking. I didn’t reread this or edit it at all so I’ve left my unkempt grammar so you can use it as a last resort rebuttal because I’m sweet like that.

    P.S. The virgin insult is a little tired don’t you think?

  18. Mandy

    Dang…u r taking this too seriously pal. U r not a gentleman with the things u have typed. It is a free country. I don’t care what u have seen in your life and/or career, u have absolutely no right to call anyone the names u have written or b judgemental of peoples’ choices. Live and let live.

  19. browny

    As I said: women respect decent men who don’t have the attitude that women who like sex are ‘diseased sluts’. NO decent man of my acquaintance would think of women in that way. If you do, then you must look to yourself and see what your problem with women is. Women can be bitchy as can men. Women talk as do men. But women do like sex, they like love, respect, committment but they also like sex for the sake of it, and I am sorry to break this to you but this does not make them sluts. Once again, we DECIDE who WE respect, WE don’t wait around for men with the warped ideas/lack of values that you and you ilke have. I know it is difficult for you to understand this but we DON’T respect MEN or WOMEN who talk and behave the way you (have reported here) that you do. Try not to be so nasty about women. Try not to be so angy. But understand that men like you are on the out. Women no longer CARE what you think. We care what decent men and women think.

  20. Curious

    Is it just me, or doesn he look like he has had his lips inflated? I think he should shut up and stick to music. He sounds like a deeply self-absorbed twit.

    And the previous posters in the hissy fit should shut up as well — enough, already. You sound like siblings.

  21. Screwyou

    “Committed relationship” is a euphemism for fornication station. ” dearest unjustified” is Grand Fucking Central. Get over yourself, you fat cunt.

  22. #71. Why would a screw a bag of diseases

    #71. I’m a model loser I’m far from fat having a 36″ bust a 23″ waist and 34″ hips. Get over yourself, quit making yourself feel better by assuming that anyone with a different opinion (ie: one based on medical facts and logic) is fat or unattractive and prepare for multiple diseases and unwanted children.

  23. “All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked…”

    A dog returns to its vomit.

  24. Not a Fan

    That is the nastiest-looking body since Mama Cass.I don’t know who the hell lied to him to give him such an ego. Stop listening to your mommy, John; she *has* to say you’re cute.

    And WTF is up with those pussy-assed tats? This guy is a total loser/prick. I can’t believe Jen wasted her time. How the hell do you go from Brad Pitt to THAT???

  25. He doesn’t need to insult Jennifer Aniston just to make himself look better. He could have said that differently.

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