John Mayer: ‘Dumping Jennifer Aniston was like burning the American flag’

January 20th, 2010 // 76 Comments

John Mayer is the cover story for the latest issue of Rolling Stone where he opens about his love life to absolutely no one’s surprise because it’s John Mayer:

On Jennifer Aniston:
“I’m the asshole. I burned the American flag. I basically murdered an ideal.”

On relationships:
“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

On Tiger Woods’ problem:
“If Tiger Woods only knew when to jack off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.”

Two things:

1. You broke up with the most frigid bitch in the celebrity world. You didn’t destroy “America’s sweetheart.” You just proved you didn’t like sticking your penis in an icebox, Osama Bin Ego.

2. I’m glad someone else thinks masturbating solves everything. For a while there I thought I’d be the only one pants down during a nuclear attack going “C’mon, this sounded so good on paper…”

Photo: Rolling Stone
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  1. osams bin ego?

    Fish isnt funny anymore

  2. Alex

    I don’t like the guy but at least some of this smells like the actual truth, which you almost never hear in interviews. So props for that.

  3. Jay

    Dude looks like a douchebag with those tats

  4. Alex

    I don’t like the guy but at least some of this smells like the actual truth, which you almost never hear in interviews. So props for that.

  5. Richard McBeef

    Dude is a douchebag regardless of those tats

  6. Liz

    This guy is a total douche.

  7. God of Thunder

    Yuck! Was this picture really nessesary?

  8. misterfister

    I actually like John Mayer and hate his music. Does that make sense to anyone else? He gets it and has a good time slaying clam. Not sure I wouldn’t be the same way.

  9. lol, seriously john mayer? seriously? douche.

  10. Joy Juice

    I’d hit it.

    Seriously, his truth is refreshing.

  11. La Manchuba

    This guy is massive ego scum. I wouldn’t let him near me if my life depended on it. Ick. Super ick.

  12. Veronica

    he looks completely punchable in that photo. I guess it might be true that girls would get starstruck around him, but who points that out?

    Also, I know two people that have met Aniston, and both said she was chilled out and nice. One actually smoked pot with her at a private party in San Francisco. I just don’t think she’s as bad (or as wonderful, for that matter) as anyone says.

  13. Kelly

    DOUCHE!!!!!!!!!

    all out of deep thoughts.

  14. Vinnie the Chin.

    He gets more ass than a public bathroom. He certainly seems to embrace his douchebagginess.

  15. Yay Me

    Douche? Really? Don’t hate; this man just did more to help women understand men than most anyone in history. I am going online now to torrent…………. err I mean legally download all of his albums.

  16. D4P

    His body isn’t a wonderland…

  17. Brian0523

    I would suck this man dry and rim his tasty hole! MMMMM

  18. Nome King

    I really want to hate this guy, but he makes some sense.

  19. SO RIGHT

    He doesn’t need to insult Jennifer Aniston just to make himself look better. He could have said that differently. Honest or not, he sounds like a jerk spilling way too much information

  20. megan

    I can’t stand his douche bag whiney music or that he looks like a teenage half wit stoner. Why does he have a career? And why are girls sleeping with him??

  21. megan

    I can’t stand his douche bag whiney music or that he looks like a teenage half wit stoner. Why does he have a career? And why are girls sleeping with him??

  22. Anna

    #10, exactly what is refreshing? That he has talked about every women he’s ever banged? That he thinks Tiger Woods whole clusterfuck could have been avoided by jacking off? That he has a big mouth and will sell out everyone he knows for a little attention? I bet you would find my 14-year-old niece’s MySpace page refreshing, too. He’a an immature, egomaniac, shitty pusswad music making douche.

  23. megan

    I can’t stand his douche bag whiney music or that he looks like a teenage half wit stoner. Why does he have a career? And why are girls sleeping with him??

  24. Kim

    I’d fuck him like crazy!!! Sooooooooooo HOT!!!!

  25. PunkA

    Any woman willing to be with this douchebag has serious self esteem issues. seriously, mayer is the biggest douche in the music, biggest douche in Hollywood and biggest douche of a man on the planet. What a POS.

  26. Craig

    Yeah, he can come off as douchey, but at the same time has a good sense of humor and can also be self-deprecating. For a TOTAL musical douche, look at Adam Levine.

  27. First time poster

    Right on PunkA I fuking hate this terd. Fucking ego the size of Octomoms uterus. I don’t think any of you idiots loving on his ass even understood what he was saying and remotely grasped that this guy thinks he’s better than everyone, including YOU. The “but your John Mayor” line was the kicker.

    I have always hated this piece of shit. It’s so obvious that he is the weakest man on the planet since he cannot survive for a minute without hearing the sound of his own voice or touting himself in his faux modesty shitty sense of humour little song and dance routine. The guy is a fucking child, put that little bitch in a war zone and he’d shit his pants and cry like a baby being weened off the tit. The guy is the definition of ALL TALK and the only reason he jacks off so much is because his whole life people have always said `go fuck yourself John Mayor`and well at least hes an obediant little bitch at least.

    He was an acne faced loser who got picked on in highschool and never got over it, you can hear it in every pompus arrogant little word he spits out. Get over yourself douchebag, life isn`t fair, quit trying to prove yourself, shut your mouth for one bloody second and go do something that actually matters with your wealth and positon.

  28. @24 – shut up, you dirty whore. You probably get passed around around like a crack pipe in middle Harlem.

  29. Erica

    I don’t even care if he’s an asshole. He has wonderful music. I could listen to him all day.

  30. Kim

    To # 28- hey Kasper, the unfriendly ghost, there is nothing wrong with a girl who has sex, ok. I think John Mayer is hot and I would drop my panties for him anytime! He probably has a big one too!!

  31. dear whore

    #30. Well unless you have a big one too, he’ll never drop his panties for you so you may be out of luck, but I am sure with your low standards you can easily find a replacement to attempt to get out your undless Daddy issues under.

    There’s nothing wrong with girsl who enjoy sex, there is however a lot wrong with girls who enjoy sex with an endless stream of men who have no respect for them and since you clearly either don’t care or just failed to comprehend this blantant fact, let me clarify it for you; A-hole here, with his oh so meaningful tatoos, would never have an ounce of respect for you and would use you like the whore you CHOOSE to be. Have some self respect the guy would screw you and then spit on you, but hey maybe you just enjoy being used and abused. Hey why don’t you giveTiger a call I’m sure he’s hurting for some loose old used up bargain basement skank hole right about now, he loves that shit it’s just how he rolls. Just go fufill your statistic destiny and quit embarrasing yourself here.

  32. spicy

    he’s good at what he does… saying outrageous things for his own entertainment. he’s very confident and doesn’t care what the public thinks, so he just loves to watch reactions to his “interviews”

    what a life

  33. Kim

    @31- well, there is something wrong with a fat ugly bitch who has sex with an endless stream of sex toys because no guy will fuck you!!!

  34. Jake

    We get it already db! A douch bag dumped a frigid cold shelf consumed bitch. There love was a match made in douche bag heaven.

  35. Andie

    I think he’s pretty hot, but I don’t think I’d be like, “OMG! OMG, you can’t possibly be interested in me! I’m just a NOBODY and you’re, like, JOHN MAYER! OMG I feel like Cinderella!” if this man were to hit on me.

    First of all, any woman that thinks they’re really not worthy of WHATEVER man is hitting on them has self esteem issues. (Oh, and hopping into the sack with whatever guy hits on you is also a bad idea.. just to clarify) Secondly, I’ve had men hotter than him hit on me. Yes he’s hot. (IMO) Yes, he’s talented. (again, IMO) But an arrogant attitude will turn me off to a guy no matter WHO he is. I don’t give a shit if you’re a truck driver, a cable guy, or even JOHN MAYER.

  36. John is bisexual

    somebody tell him he’ a male JEWEL, and I use the term MALE loosely…He’s got a huge ego for a guy who sings like a lady, he has no swagger, and he is definitely in love with his own persona..

    John Mayer, may I interject that Mick Jagger bangs women and he is almost dead.It goes to show you that being a celebrity pays off in the getting tail department.

    In the real world, John Mayer would have to drive her home, buy her dinner, and then, get her drunk, to maybe, get a blow job. Count your lucky stars and ride that wave, cause when its all over, you will be just like the rest of us, JOHN MAYER, ego maniac.

    Bi sexual male.

  37. da truth hurtz

    i would fuck john mayer until my cock completely melted off!

  38. browny

    #31 here’s something to ponder: women don’t care if men respect them. See, you guys are under the impression that women need to feel ‘emotionally connected and respected’ by men. Um, ‘fraid not. Women like sex just as much as men do and guess what?? We rate YOU. We get together with our girlfriends and take your (literal) measurements. We don’t care if you respect us? Why should we? We don’t respect you. If it’s a fuck, it’s just a fuck. Same for you, same for us. I know the receieved wisdom says, ‘women want love, respect, affection, blah, blah’; yeah, sometimes we do, but sometimes we just want to get laid. Just like you. I would hit John Mayer and forget about him (after I’d told my friends whether he was any good or not!)…. LOL

  39. Ella

    I totally agree with browny!!! I would totally just screw him just for the fun of it and leave, and let everyone know about it! :)~

  40. John

    I need to take that boy into my mouth, amongst other things.

  41. what an ego

    #31, #38, #39 well enjoy your diseases and unwanted pregnancies whores!

    Condoms and the pill don’t work all the time and some diseases can be soread even with condoms. It’s not about others respecting you, it’s about respecting yourselves and what you forget is that one day when you do want love and meet a good guy you actually like, he’ll go “yeah sorry you were such a whore banging every guy so nope not interested” and that is how you fuck your way to dying alone. Most feeble minded people forget to think of the consequenceds of their actions. It’s true that some say they don’t ever want love and that’s all good, whatever floats your boat, but as much as people lie to themselves I have yet to meet one girl that didn’t eventually want it and the trouble is no one wants to love or care about a whore whose been passed around since jr high. When you fuck around word gets around fast and I guarantee you will end up regretting it, when you wake up with herpes or an unwanted pregnancy and in your later years when you want something more you’ll keep finding that no guy wants the whore who slept around.

    I’ve seen a lot of unwanted whores in my day, but I’m gonna bet Kim will take the cake and if anyone is fat, ugly and goes through banana’s faster than coco the monkey, who coincidentally you also ressemble, we all know it’s you!

  42. what an ego

    #31, #38, #39 well enjoy your diseases and unwanted pregnancies whores!

    Condoms and the pill don’t work all the time and some diseases can be soread even with condoms. It’s not about others respecting you, it’s about respecting yourselves and what you forget is that one day when you do want love and meet a good guy you actually like, he’ll go “yeah sorry you were such a whore banging every guy so nope not interested” and that is how you fuck your way to dying alone. Most feeble minded people forget to think of the consequenceds of their actions. It’s true that some say they don’t ever want love and that’s all good, whatever floats your boat, but as much as people lie to themselves I have yet to meet one girl that didn’t eventually want it and the trouble is no one wants to love or care about a whore whose been passed around since jr high. When you fuck around word gets around fast, espeically when you’re an uber genius who goes around telling everyone about how you fucked some loser because he was famous. Whores I guarantee you will end up regretting it all, when you wake up with herpes or an unwanted pregnancy and in your later years when you want something more you’ll keep finding that no guy wants the slut who slept around.

    I’ve seen a lot of unwanted skanks in my day, but I’m gonna bet Kim will take the cake and if anyone is fat, ugly and goes through banana’s faster than coco the monkey, who coincidentally you also ressemble, we all know it’s you!

  43. WOW I love his tattoo,, veru very artist made art

    Looks like his tattoo in japan style …

  44. what an ego

    The warning has been posted twice whores, just to make that truth a little harder to ignore. In closing one day the words “we told you so” will ring painfully true. No one wants a slut, but every slut eventually wants to be wanted.
    Life will undeniably suck so fucking hard when all you do is suck your way through it.

  45. justifiable

    Seriously, John, it’s honestly a nightmare of effort to have to explain to the women you want to hit on that you, the great John Meyer, are really and truly deigning to show them some attention? Oh, God, the horror!

    Your Pathetically Overinflated Ego Is A Wonderland.

  46. Andie

    @45: I’d rather date you than him. (If you’re a dude). Love the wit. Kudos.

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  48. Sal

    Jennife Aniston can’t respect herself hanging on to this jerk. Her head must be tore up.

  49. ETphonehome

    RE: John Mayer’s ink

    Here’s who should be allowed to have full sleeve tattoo’s-

    Warriors
    Bikers
    Yakuza
    Prison gang members, etc.

    Here’s who should not be allowed to have full sleeve tattoo’s-

    Whiny pussboys who sing girl music and speak like their cast on the lifetime network “because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them” and he twitters too.

    Talk about overcompensating for being a fu@king douche pussy his whole life..I’m finally tough now with these tat’s. I’m sure most of his “fucks” dug his girl with a dick personality. Afterall no guy owns a John Mayer album…

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