John Travolta Has Magic Hands

The Superficial / February 8, 2011

Apparently there’s more than just talk of slave labor in The New Yorker’s 28-page Paul Haggis interview/Scientology expose. Josh Brolin also contributes an anecdote about turning to the church out of desperation, only to realize everyone in it is fucking crazy after seeing John Travolta try to heal Marlon Brando with his hands. No, really. Via The Fab Life:

Later, Brolin saw the wonder of Scientology in action at a dinner party in L.A. When movie legend Brando arrived with a cut on his leg sustained helping a stranded car, Travolta informed him that he had reached a new level of Scientology, put his hands on Brando’s leg, and attempted to heal him of his pain. We seriously need a cigarette after this story; that’s how good it is. “I watched this process going on—it was very physical,” recalls Brolin. “I was thinking, This is really f—ing bizarre! Then, after ten minutes, Brando opens his eyes and says, ‘That really helped. I actually feel different!’”

So let me get this straight: Scientology teaches men that they can walk around rubbing other men, very physically rubbing them, and it will heal them of their wounds? Wow. I don’t even want to swing at that. It’s just too easy. And yet…

MAN: I’ve been shot!
TRAVOLTA: Step aside! Magic hands are here.
*RUB RUB RUB*

MAN: I’m having… a heart attack…
TRAVOLTA: Healing rub: Activate!
*RUB RUB RUB*

WOMAN: I’m going into labor.
TRAVOLTA: …. My arthritis!

Photos: Splash News