John Stamos Is Marked For Death

When he’s not busy making Rebecca Romijn’s kids want to fuck him as Jerry O’Connell stands there powerless to stop it, John Stamos is out there busting his balls trying to get a Full House reunion together. So the last thing he needs is a pile of Muppets saying he never told them anything about it when John Stamos is a thorough man and would’ve at least called one of them. (Has it been established the show only needs one of them? The show only needs one of them.) Women’s Wear Daily reports:

We just found out about it today,” said Mary-Kate, during an interview late Tuesday. “I guess we’re going to talk to the creators and see what’s happening.”
The sisters said they had no knowledge of the series prior to Stamos spilling the news to Kimmel. “I ran into Bob [Saget] the other day and we didn’t even talk about it,” said Ashley. “I’m shocked I haven’t heard from John [Stamos],” said Mary-Kate.

And what was Uncle Jesse’s response? All Stamos:

In related news, John Stamos is now dead from an heroin overdose. How or why that happened even though he doesn’t have a history of drug use is a question no one should ask because they can hear you. They can hear everything.

Photos: Getty